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Facts About Men...

Old 05-11-2007, 01:19 AM
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Don't be offended!

A Few Facts About Men

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. Guys are so confident that when they watch sports on television, they think that if they concentrate they can help their team.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

19. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

25. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

26. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:22 AM
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I always looked for women who could count to 27 myself.
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:24 AM
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some of us good ones can count to 30 -- cuz that is when we stop counting birthdays!!!!!
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:48 AM
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Most Alabama men can only count to 21 when thay are naked.


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Old 05-11-2007, 07:51 AM
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Menzies - 5/11/2007 7:48 AM

Most Alabama men can only count to 21 when thay are naked.

Reckon some Floriduh boys can only make it to 20 when in the same condition.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:17 AM
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Alabama 4th Grade student comes home from school, says "Momma, all us 4th graders went to the gym today, and afterward, we'uns took showers. Momma, I gots the biggest joint of any of my classmates!" His momma said " that's great, son, but remember, you are 17 years old........"
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:26 AM
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know what you have when you see 32 East Texans in one room at the same time?

(A full set of teeth)
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:40 AM
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You know what's long and hard on a Tennessee boy?










Fourth grade.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:57 AM
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billinstuart - 5/11/2007 8:17 AM

Alabama 4th Grade student comes home from school, says "Momma, all us 4th graders went to the gym today, and afterward, we'uns took showers. Momma, I gots the biggest joint of any of my classmates!" His momma said " that's great, son, but remember, you are 17 years old........"
That was my late father in law's favorite joke! He was from Missississssipppiii.

I may have told this one on here already, but what do you call an Alabama football player with a goat under one arm and a sheep under the other?












Bisexual.

Damm, are we acting like we were offended by this post or just proving a few more facts about men?
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:11 AM
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.

What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

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Old 05-11-2007, 09:23 AM
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Don't be offended!

A Few Facts About Women

1. Men like to barbecue. Women will tell them they are doing it wrong.

2. Men who have pierced ears rarely have interest in women.

3. Marrying a divorced woman is totally irresponsible. If the other guy couldn't put up with them, why the hell do you think you could?

4. Women are very confident people until they get fat and ugly.

5. Women like phones with lots of buttons. It reminds them of the ones they push on their husbands.

6. Women love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Men love that because they don't have to sort through all the sales brochures for women's clothes.

7. All women are afraid of eyelash curlers. If those things can curl eyelashes, think of what they could do to the short and curlies.

8. A good place to meet a woman is at the dry cleaner. These women usually have jobs and don't bitch about men not doing laundry.

9. All women hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even Hillary Clinton.

10. Women are sensitive in strange ways. If a woman has built a fire and the last log does not burn, she will blame in on the man who brought her the logs.

11. Women have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: some things fit in, some things fall out, but they all fit.

12. Women have higher body temperatures than women because they give men hell all the time.

13. Men take clothing much more seriously than women. I've never seen a woman walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I wore the wrong color camo"

14. Most women love to shop, but they never buy anything. That's why men don't own women's clothing stores.

15. If a woman prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, she is serious about starving a man.

16. Female menopause is a lot more fun than male menopause. With male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. With female menopause - you get to get anything you want just to shut the hell up.

17. No woman is charming all of the time. Even Hillary Clinton is on record saying she wished she could be Monica Lewinski.

18. When four or more women get together, they talk about how men ruin their lives.

19. When four or more men get together, they talk about killing women.

20. Women are less sentimental than men. No woman has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, without realizing it was just a damm movie meant to cause pain for men.

21. Most men are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most women are outrospective: "Does this dress make my butt look too big? How's my car going to fit into that parking space?"

22. If a woman says, "I'll call you," and she doesn't, she didn't forget... she didn't lose your number... she didn't die. She just didn't want to call you because she'll think you should call her first.

23. Getting rid of a woman without hurting her femininity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a woman, I suggest saying, "I don't have any money... I don't want to marry you... I don't want ugly children." Sometimes they leave skid marks in their panties, on both sides.

24. Women are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Men have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with women who made their Dad miserable.

25. Women forget everything; men remember everything because women never let them forget.

26. That's why women need men in sports. They've already forgotten you can't score a touchdown in baseball.


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Old 05-11-2007, 09:41 AM
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It's good but there's a couple of typos... Women are ALWAYS right!
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:45 AM
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sueseact - 5/11/2007 9:41 AM

It's good but there's a couple of typos... Women are ALWAYS right!
27. Women point out typos in things men type when a woman typed the original quotes the man messed with.

Hey, I only found one typo with dont' and fixed it. Where's the other one? I'm running out of time here!

Women who are ALWAYS right are often LEFT!
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:50 AM
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Made ya look!
Men can't spell....
If there's one thing I'm not is LEFT!!!!



Why men need post it notes....



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Old 05-11-2007, 09:51 AM
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sueseact - 5/11/2007 9:50 AM



Why men need post it notes....



Hi Jane, I was wondering where you ran off to!
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:53 AM
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I'm offended
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:56 AM
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sueseact - 5/11/2007 9:50 AM

Made ya look!
Men can't spell....
If there's one thing I'm not is LEFT!!!!
Hey, no man worth his salt wouldn't look at Jane. But where would she be without her Dick?

Hey, I can spell grin, but I'd rather show you than spell it for you, especially if you're Jane in that picture!
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:57 AM
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TrollnHeel - 5/11/2007 9:53 AM




I'm offended
By which one?

You one of them buy sexuals I keep hearin' about?
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Old 05-11-2007, 10:07 AM
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I'd be miserable without mine.... been married to him 4 years this Fourth of July, but he prefers Rich!!!! To tell you the truth I have a hard time choosing "Rich" or "Dick", depends on my mood.....
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Old 05-11-2007, 10:26 AM
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Why do couples in Alabama have sex doggie style on Sundays?
























So both of them can watch NASCAR.
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