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Doctor jokes

Old 04-26-2007, 09:38 AM
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Let me tell you about my doctor. He is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.

Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, “Doctor, doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film.” The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops.”

One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.” The doctor asked, “When did it start? “The man replied, “When did what start?”

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: “Don’t answer it.”

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.” The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these. If they don’t work, give me a ring.”

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.

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Old 04-26-2007, 09:59 AM
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why do doctors keep practicing...don't they ever learn
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Old 04-26-2007, 09:25 PM
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Guy walks into the shrinks office wrapped in cellophane..doc says "I can clearly see your nuts...." (Have I told this here?)
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Old 04-26-2007, 10:24 PM
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Why do I miss Rodney Dangerfield????
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Old 04-26-2007, 11:01 PM
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Guy wants into a doctor and says "I want to be castrated".

Doc whips out a scalpel and slices him there and then.

As he is lying writhing on the floor another guy walks in and says "Doctor, I'd like to be circumcised."

First guy says "Damn, that's what I meant!"




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Old 04-26-2007, 11:34 PM
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An older couple go to the doctor for the man's yearly physical. The man is slightly hard of hearing, and the doctor tells him he is going to need a urine and stool sample. The older man can't understand what is being said, and asks the doctor to repeat himself. He does, twice. Finally, the wife leans close to the man, and says, "Give him you underwear, honey."
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Old 04-30-2007, 01:12 AM
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After a prostate exam recently, I asked the female doctor if that meant we were goin' steady??...
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Old 04-30-2007, 03:09 PM
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2 Doctors

One night, a man and a woman are at a bar downing a few beers. They strike up a conversation and quickly discover that they're both doctors.

After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey, how about we sleep
together tonight? No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."

The woman agrees. So they go back to her place. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room.
She scrubs for a good 10-20 minutes.

Finally, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that
makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anesthesiologist, aren't you?"

"Yeah," says the man, a bit taken aback. "How did you know?"

The woman answers, "I didn't feel a damned thing.
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