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Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

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Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

Old 04-20-2007, 12:26 PM
  #1  
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Default Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

POLITE WAY TO PEE

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That 's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.



Little Johnny's neighbors had a new baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother brought the new baby home from the hospital, Little Johnny's family was invited over to see him.


Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him
and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's
missing ears or even said the word, "ears", he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Little Johnny looked into the crib he said,
"What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Little Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet
and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful. The
doctor said he will have 20/20 visi on."

"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be $hit outta luck if he
needed glasses."


FASCINATE....

A teacher asked her class to make a sentence using the word
"fascinate".

Molly put up her hand up and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried




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Old 04-20-2007, 12:48 PM
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Default RE: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

one of my favourites.

The teacher says to her class, "Ok children, today we are going to make a sentence with the word 'contagious'. Who would like to start?"

Mary, the teacher's pet, shoots her arm in the air and says, "My brother has the measles and mommy sayd he can't come to school because it's contagious"

"Well done Mary!" says the teacher. "anyone else?"

Not to be outdone, lil Jonny raises his hand and starts waiving it frantically.
The teacher eyes him nervously but there are no other hands in the air and so she says, "ok Jonny, let's here your sentence."

Lil Jonny stands up and says,

"Our neighbour, Mrs Jones, is painting her house with an eight inch brush and my daddy says it's going to take the c#nt ages."

The teacher sat down and cried.


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Old 04-20-2007, 08:22 PM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

reel that second one of yours just cracked me up big time!
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Old 04-20-2007, 08:37 PM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

Little Johnny Badmouth, ya gotta luv im. We got a couple at work that would give him a run for his money though.
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Old 04-20-2007, 10:29 PM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

You just gotta love Lil' Johnny....

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Old 04-21-2007, 08:10 AM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

"Rectum???? It Damned near KILLED him!!!!!"
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Old 04-21-2007, 08:35 AM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

Saturday mornings was customary for Billy & Johnny's mon to sit around the kitchen table before the kids got up and talk about the weeks events with her neighbor. At any rate the mother was tell her friend that both Billy and Johnny got kicked out of school again for swearing and that they are swearing all the time - it has become a real problem. The mother confesses to her friend she doesn't know what she is going to do about it?

As the two ladies are talking about the swearing, the neighbor said that she curved that problem with her son by washing his mouth out with soap. Well the mother replied by saying that she's tried that as well, but she thinks the kids actually like the taste of soap. While she is dangling and shaking her head she says to her neighbor, "I think I'm just going to have to belt them the next time they swear."

Anyway later that morning mom hears the kids up in there bedroom horsing around, so she calls them down for breakfast, "Billy, Johnny come on down for breakfast".

Billy comes running down the stairs first. Mom asks what would you like for breakfast, "bacon & eggs, French toast, cereal or pancakes?"

Well Billy reply was, "Aaahhhhh sh!t I think I'll have the pancakes."

With the mother being true to her word, she belts Billy and he flies across the floor.

Just as this is happening Johnny comes running down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Without missing a beat the mother calmly asks Johnny what he would like for breakfast, "bacon & eggs, French toast, cereal or pancakes?"

Johnny quickly replied, " Well I certainly don't want the f#@k'n pancakes!"

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Old 04-24-2007, 08:23 PM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

Little Johnny's teacher was playing a game with the class.

teacher: "Class I have something behind my back that's loooong and yellow. What is it?"

Little Sally was waving her hand frantically, so she was called on. "A banana?" she said.

teacher: "Sorry, it's a pencil! But I like your thinking!" Now, I have something behind my back that's round and red. What is it?

Little Suzy: "A Ball!"

teacher: "Sorry, it's an apple. But I like your thinking!

Little Johnny jumped up and said, "Hey teacher, can I do one?" Thinking, "what harm can come of this?" teacher agrees. Little Johnny puts his hand in his pocket and says, "teacher, I have something in my hand that's round, and hard, and has a head on it. What is it?" The teacher freaks out. "Johnny!! That's horrible and disgusting!! Go to the office for a paddling right now, and I'm calling your parents, and having you expelled from school!!" Little Johnny pulls his hand out of his pocket and opens his palm..."Sorry, it's a quarter. But I like your thinking..."
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:06 AM
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Default Re: Lil' Johnny Strikes Again & Again

(My father-in-law forwarded me an email thats basically the same as Little Johnny, but its Brooklyn Tony

The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and suc king the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is ' the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."


Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

The teacher asked ' How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies' Tony.
"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me ' How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the forking difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"


Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

TONY says "Mas-t ur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."



Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"


One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then the teacher reluctantly called on Brooklyn Tony.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just forking beautiful!' "


Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Brooklyn Tony replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Brooklyn Tony answered, "No, he minded his own forking business"












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