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the wife just gave me 150k debt

Old 02-06-2007, 03:45 AM
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Default the wife just gave me 150k debt

What do you do when you work your a$$ off to get in front, then you find out about 20 odd credit cards the wife has been using to the max, Which you didn't know existed.
Mind you 5 cards are in my name , which I didn't know know about.
They add up to 150k au dollars.
Divorce the B#$## or
We have 3 kids (1-5-6 years old)
Do these women just not think?
I earn good money compared to most in my area, but this is ridiculous.
I have been married for 10 years, been dating for 5 years prior, you think you know a person and then you find out you don't, ( I am 34 years of age)
Alright back to the question.
I think the pill has fried her brain, I just got the chop last week, My nuts are sore and I get the blame for the credit cards and her out of control spending.
When I got married I had about 3k in the bank, I spent 1k on the ring and the other 2 on the honeymoon.
For the wedding gift she gave me a 20k debt which her father told me about, and since then it has just kept going on & on.
They say men are dumb. I guess we are.
Don't know what I am really asking, I am just confused and frustrated , and I Knew you guys would listen.
Life is a Bit##, then you marry one.

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Old 02-06-2007, 05:26 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

My wife has never had a job, and her closet looks like imelda marcos'. I know what you mean. Just keep workin my friend.
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:34 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

thanks bugbuster , I am sure our closets look the same, but that doesn't make it right.
Universal law against the best creatures on earth is what I am thinking.
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:43 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

holy christ, 150k is way over the top .I honestly don't know what I'd do . you gotta think of the kids though.(apparrently she isn't) I sort of know how you feel . mines good for 4 -8 K every year. our tax returns pay a piece of it off every year. 5k as of yesterday.I'm thinking maybe Alaska. good fishing, clean living, good way to bring up kids, and best of all, 400 miles to the nearest mall!
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Old 02-06-2007, 06:01 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

WOW!

You're in a tuff spot.

Consuling? Divorce? P!$$edoff?

150K is way over the top.

Thinking about the kids? You stay with her for the kids sake. What are you teaching the kids, they watch a disfunctional relationship for the next however many years.

Divorce her. You complaining about 150K debt, can you imagine what you'd owe if you divorced her?
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Old 02-06-2007, 06:03 AM
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Default RE: the wife just gave me 150k debt

have her get some help sounds like she is sick.thats a bit excessive
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Old 02-06-2007, 06:21 AM
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Default RE: the wife just gave me 150k debt

I'm no psychiatric professional -- but it sounds to me that she exhibits manic behavior with all that spending.

The credit card companies may be remiss by granting all that spending leeway, given how closely credit bureaus track people's spending habits.

You need a good lawyer, IMHO, and destroy those cards!
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Old 02-06-2007, 06:24 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

A divorce will not eliminate the debt. You'll still be responsible for it and then you'll be making child support payments too, and it will not be good for your kids. You get married for better or for worse. Now is one of the worse times for you. I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your misfortune. Step 1 would be to stop the bleeding (ie. the credit card spending). Step 2 would be to get your wife some counseling. The problem will never go away unless she becomes financially responsible. Step 3 would be to work out a plan to pay down the debt. Credit card debt comes with insane interest rates. I believe there are agencies that assist in these sort of things. Do some research on the internet for information on how to overcome debt. You may have to scale back on some things. If you drive a BMW, you may need to switch to a Toyota. You may need to sell your boat. Your priority is to get out, and stay out of debt.

18 years ago, my wife moved in with me. That was after my wife and I got engaged, but before we were married. I saw the credit card bills coming in mail. I said to her, let me see all your credit cards. She had a stack of plastic almost 2" thick. I then said, go get the scissors please. Once she came back with the scissors, I cut up all the plastic and we cancelled the credit card accounts. We worked dilegently to pay off the debt. Not long after we were married, it was all paid off. Then we really started saving and investing, and we both became addicted to seeing our money grow. She got her head on straight after we got out of the mess. She should, she has an MBA in finance. I closely monitor the activity in our bank accounts. We have one credit card that we pay off every month. I check our credit card statements. To my Wife's defense, she receive no financial assistance for her college from her family, and some of her credit card debt was for essentials.

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Old 02-06-2007, 07:06 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

Brad1
No way on selling the boat.
I had a 36 ft Markline 2 years ago , which I sold because I didn't think it suited my family situation.
Then I bought the trailer boat I have now.
A mans got to have a vice , that's what keeps us alive.
thanks for the comments , it makes a person feel like they are not alone.
My late Grandfather instilled in me that family is paramount, and that's how I will live my life. Whether I like it or not.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:13 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

Ouch, hate when that happens. Was the other way around with me when I was married (long long ago), she straightened me out.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:18 AM
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Default RE: the wife just gave me 150k debt

She needs help. Saw a program on one of those news shows about this kinda thing. There are support groups for this kinda problem. One other thing, I say F@ck the credit card companies for allowing that much revolving debt. They are greedy greedy greedy and screw people everyday.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:21 AM
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Brad1
The problem will never go away unless she becomes financially responsable.
How the hell is a person going to change that?

That statement is hitting the nail on the head.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:32 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

I'm wondering how it got to $150K, that's probably at least $100k in merchandise (the rest in Starbucks, spa treatments, luncheons with the other spoiled wives etc.). I would notice a buildup of an extra $100k of goods. Where does she hide the stuff where you didn't notice? I know $100k doesn't buy much anymore but d a m n. I'm afraid you have one choice, divorce. The kids will suffer, they always do. She will not quit spending on her own and if you force her she will turn on you and make life unbearable. Luckily I've been married 22 years and have not experienced this 1st hand but have seen it with close friends and family members. Each couple had a member that far outspent the other (sometimes the husband, mostly the wife). 3 ended in bad divorces, 1 has stayed together 20 miserable years (for the children) it's difficult to be around both together, either 1 alone is fine. I have a buddy that married a few years ago, wife spends more than they make. Decorating the new house, on her kid (from previous marriage), but mostly on shoes and clothes. He has changed noticeably, used to be always up, now always seems depressed. I don't think the marriage will last. He was the type to stay completely out of debt (except for mortgage and a car loan) was making extra payments on his previous house. If they stay together I expect to hear from him 1 day that they have $10's of thousand's in credit card debt.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:36 AM
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She needs councelling, whch begins with you not shouting at her (unless it's already too late)! This is a sickness and needs to be dealt with as a sickness.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:42 AM
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thanks Sir Menzies
sorry about the comments in the bilge.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:47 AM
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What comments? You really think I read all that tripe! I just need to post now and then to keep the natives restless!

Where is Oz are you - FIL is up in Noosa (Gold Coast).
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:48 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

My brother had the same thing happen newly married. 20K us in debt due to wife. Took out a second mortgage on their new home and began paying it off. a year later another 20K, started paying it off. Another year later, another 20k, now divorced and has a whopping mortgage that he works 60 hours a week trying to stay on top of. NOT worth it.

Cut 'em up, monitor her equifax sheets monthly and get her counseling, or divorce her.
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:57 AM
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If your wife can spend $150k without you noticing, you need to start paying more attention to her. I most always go shopping WITH my wife. It makes her feel good and it saves me a lot of money. I check the mail from time to time too. That kind of dept (any dept actually) can destroy you. Get the wife under control (put her to work), inventory what she spent the money on, toss all the cards EXCEPT Victoria Secret, return as much as possible, do without for awhile.. Sell her car to pay down the debt. That will keep her from shopping so much. Find poorer friends that she won't feel like she has to try keeping up with..
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Old 02-06-2007, 07:58 AM
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Default Re: the wife just gave me 150k debt

Menzies
noosa is not on the gold coast, it is north on the sunshine coast.
My location you just have to put into your gps.
Which is about 550 - 600 nm south of noosa.
Who is FIL?

I do have a holiday unit on the gold coast where I kept my 36ft cruiser.
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Old 02-06-2007, 08:03 AM
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Whoops, got my coasts all wrong! Anyway it's the one straight in from the GBR.

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