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SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Old 01-21-2007, 08:47 AM
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Default SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Roll down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Roll window up.

7. Drive off.

*********************************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE: - Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, Roll the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

28. Kick husband's arse for makin' ya post this joke....

farmerjane is offline  
Old 01-21-2007, 10:37 AM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Farmer Jane....

I don't know about the rest of the numbers on the female list, but 2 and 7 are right on.
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Old 01-21-2007, 11:40 AM
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Old 01-21-2007, 12:43 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

It's even worse if someone they know sees them at the ATM and walks up an begins a conversation that lasts painfully long. Trust me, I've seen it before. When they were done, I lowered my window and raised both middle fingers. Then they acted like they were slighted. Go figure.
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:19 PM
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:33 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

I'm typically the guy in line for the ATM behind three short women each in their own giant SUV (Excursion, Suburban, etc.) Practically need to rapel out of the truck to get down to the $ slot.

I've witnessed this routine way too often. You need 14a for actually fixing the makeup, usually lip stick, but have seen someone try and put on eyeshadow waiting for the money to come out.

Best was a chick in a brand new Infiniti Q56 at a drive up window (was new since it still had temp tags.) She took the teller drawer full on into the door since she got too close to the building. Left a dent. Must have been a $1k min to fix. When I was leaving, she's out of the truck on the cell bitching. Glad she wasn't my wife.

And they want to license boaters...let's start with short women in big trucks.

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Old 01-21-2007, 08:24 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

we should have never let em vote.




Come on Jane , lets do it I aint scared not even a little .


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Old 01-21-2007, 10:12 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Well, I'm too danged tall to use the ATM from my truck. I just can't reach it from up thar. So I park the beast, walk over to the ATM and get my money. I'm still POd at Wachovia for bricking up the old walk-up ATM in favor of the new, handy drive thru. Pfui.
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Old 01-21-2007, 10:59 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Yeah....yeah...yeah....I know~ Blah-blah-blah....women suck at drivin'......can't do anything right.....don't know when to shut-up......have to drive vehicles not designed for them......blah.....blah.....blah......

May I just say (in my own defense) that I don't even HAVE an ATM card. Hate 'em and don't want one.

I DO, however, drive an Expedition. Used to drive a '97 Ford F-350 CC PSD 4x4, but that's another story altogether.

Now - shut-up, get me another beer and turn up the tv.

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Old 01-21-2007, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

I'll tell you the Sunday Joke of the day, its the NFL refs in the AFC Championship Game.

I guess the NFL really wanted to make sure that the Colts made the SB.

That's 2 years in a row that the refs have tried to give the AFC Championship Game to the Colts. The only problem is that this year they succeeded.

Offensive pass interference on Troy Brown? Bull SH1T!
Pass interfernce on Ellis Hobbs against Marvin Harrison in the endzone? Bull SH1T!
No pass interference against Reche Caldwell in the endzone? Bull SH1T!
Roughing the passer on Peyton Manning? Bull SH1T!

Good luck Rex. Not only do you have to face the Colts D, you're also up against the NFL.
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Old 01-22-2007, 07:54 AM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Yeah, and Manning is really an alien who landed at Roswell a few decades ago and they taught him how to play ball.
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Old 01-22-2007, 11:58 AM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Jersey Girl

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He
says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

The Jersey Girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks
it, throws her glas s into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says, "In New Jersey we have so
many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

God Bless America!
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Old 01-22-2007, 04:51 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Now THAT'S a funny joke, right thar~ THANKS!!


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Old 01-22-2007, 04:58 PM
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Default Re: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Good job Jane and Afishinado. Now back to our regular programming
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Old 01-22-2007, 07:01 PM
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Default RE: SUNDAY JOKE OF THE DAY ~

Now I really like that joke. Unfortunatly there are so many illegals in NJ the tax paying citizens are the minority. They would probably throw us out except who would be left to pay thier free medical and free kids in school.
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