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Help with Mom

Old 11-28-2020, 11:47 AM
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Default Help with Mom

My Mom is in Florida (Summerfield) and has ovarian cancer. She has done the chemo and is meeting with her main doctor today to determine if surgery is an option at this point. Looking for Xmas gift ideas for someone that doesn't need anything, but I hope to have some meaning and sentimental value.

I was thinking a picture album of the family and good times, but having a hard time coming up with any other ideas.

I also don't want her to think I am saying good bye either, she needs to keep fighting as she has.

Whatcha got?

Thanks

Last edited by cparkerc; 11-28-2020 at 11:55 AM.
Old 11-28-2020, 11:51 AM
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My 1st thought is exactly what you just stated. Best thing you can give her.

John
Old 11-28-2020, 11:56 AM
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I like the picture idea. She's not alone is she ? That can wear in a person. Do you have video chats?
if not something easy to do that?

Best wishes
Old 11-28-2020, 12:03 PM
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Picture album with some space left for pictures from future years, marked as such.
Old 11-28-2020, 12:17 PM
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The best gift you can give her would be your presence. Nothing else would compare
Old 11-28-2020, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Hjudge49 View Post
The best gift you can give her would be your presence. Nothing else would compare
This. Go. Now.
Old 11-28-2020, 12:18 PM
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Best of luck for your mother's recovery.
Old 11-28-2020, 12:28 PM
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She's probably going to need someone to talk to, to support her, and to offer her comfort in the coming weeks/months. Not knowing how old and independent she is, whether she lives alone or with others, who is around to support her (nearby and distant trusteed friends and non-estranged family members) it's hard to come up with many specifics. There are likely veery few things that you can buy and put in a gift wrapped box that will help her. Photo album is an excellent idea. Recorded bits from family/friends that recount memorable stories is another possibility. But more than anything someone to talk to.
Consider a laptop or computer tablet that she can use so that friends and family can facetime or Zoom meet (or similar platform) with her. Rather than make it seem regimented, as in every Tuesday morning at 10 AM. consider random, but not-too-far-apart, contacts so that she will feel connected but not in a regimented way. You don't want her thinking "Oh. It's Tuesday, so ____ is going to feel he has to call me today".
Another thing is to discuss having her give written permission to each and every doc and health care facility who cares for her to speak with you or one trusted friend/family member about her medical care. She's likely going to have some critical decisions to make in the near future and if she may miss or not be able to process all of the bits conveyed to her by her caregivers having someone else in her loop can make a big difference. She may need to give clearance to share medical information at each visit or provide a letter to each caretaker stipulating that her authorization to release that information remains in effect until further notice or until a specific future date. She can also stipulate restrictions to specific medical problems if she so desires. Other matters like advanced directives, DNR orders, and durable power of medical attorney will also need to be addressed. Hospice care is another discussion point, but hopefully not needed or appropriate at this time.
If she is truly independent, she may have a strong desire not to be a burden on anyone, especially a loved one. so you may have to use some gentle but firm language to get her to seek the support that will be in her best interest.
If she is not computer savvy and you do go with providing a portal for online contacts I'd also try to see if you can arrange for her to get some one-on-one instruction to get her comfortable with the new-to-her technology.
Old 11-28-2020, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by skibum View Post
This. Go. Now.
This is part of the plan. Went down in august with my two kids, planning on going solo in the next week or so. My Sister is in Orlando and my Mom does not live alone.. I am very thankful for my sister who drives back and forth to take my Mom to appointments and such. My Stepdad is a good man, but he is 95 and doesn't always get the whole story from the doctors. I am sure he is pretty stressed out also.

I have thought about one of the Amazon Alexa's with the screen so we can do video calls...maybe the picture album and the phone thing would be a good combo...

keep em coming, thanks!
Old 11-28-2020, 12:46 PM
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3-D crystal sculpture of a special photograph. I've done a couple and they're pretty amazing. I used ARTPIX 3d, https://artpix3d.com/, but I know that there are others out there. I chose them because of their reviews....
Old 11-28-2020, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by flcatcher1 View Post
She's probably going to need someone to talk to, to support her, and to offer her comfort in the coming weeks/months. Not knowing how old and independent she is, whether she lives alone or with others, who is around to support her (nearby and distant trusteed friends and non-estranged family members) it's hard to come up with many specifics. There are likely veery few things that you can buy and put in a gift wrapped box that will help her. Photo album is an excellent idea. Recorded bits from family/friends that recount memorable stories is another possibility. But more than anything someone to talk to.
Consider a laptop or computer tablet that she can use so that friends and family can facetime or Zoom meet (or similar platform) with her. Rather than make it seem regimented, as in every Tuesday morning at 10 AM. consider random, but not-too-far-apart, contacts so that she will feel connected but not in a regimented way. You don't want her thinking "Oh. It's Tuesday, so ____ is going to feel he has to call me today".
Another thing is to discuss having her give written permission to each and every doc and health care facility who cares for her to speak with you or one trusted friend/family member about her medical care. She's likely going to have some critical decisions to make in the near future and if she may miss or not be able to process all of the bits conveyed to her by her caregivers having someone else in her loop can make a big difference. She may need to give clearance to share medical information at each visit or provide a letter to each caretaker stipulating that her authorization to release that information remains in effect until further notice or until a specific future date. She can also stipulate restrictions to specific medical problems if she so desires. Other matters like advanced directives, DNR orders, and durable power of medical attorney will also need to be addressed. Hospice care is another discussion point, but hopefully not needed or appropriate at this time.
If she is truly independent, she may have a strong desire not to be a burden on anyone, especially a loved one. so you may have to use some gentle but firm language to get her to seek the support that will be in her best interest.
If she is not computer savvy and you do go with providing a portal for online contacts I'd also try to see if you can arrange for her to get some one-on-one instruction to get her comfortable with the new-to-her technology.
Thanks for taking the time to post. My Mom is incredibly detailed and organized and all that you suggested she had already addressed years ago. I am thankful for that. When my FIL got cancer, he had nothing set up, even a Will, and we were scrambling to get things done, when we should have just been spending time with him.

Funny, you made me remember how whenever my Mom would travel, she would send us an itinerary of her trip on pale green paper they used at school, and she would laminate it! I always gave her a good ribbing about that! I can include that in the picture album somehow.

Thanks
Old 11-28-2020, 12:49 PM
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iPad so she can FaceTime with family. Load it with photos and videos
Old 11-28-2020, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by 1720keywest View Post
iPad so she can FaceTime with family. Load it with photos and videos
Absolutely.....hand delivered.
All the best to her!
Positivity and hugs!
Old 11-28-2020, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Hjudge49 View Post
The best gift you can give her would be your presence. Nothing else would compare
agreed 100% I think the picture album would be like saying bye. Im truly sorry for the both of you. Cancer is terrible and emotionally draining.
Old 11-28-2020, 03:33 PM
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One of those automatic picture frames that holds 100’s of digital photos and rotates them, but deliver it in person.
Old 11-30-2020, 07:27 AM
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sorry for the issues with mom.
cancer is not the same thing it was 20 years ago, or 10 years ago or even last year.

survival rates at skyrocketing on some forms, depends on a lot of things

My wife is a cancer survivor, they got hers early and it wasn't aggressive.

20 years ago they would have cut her up to get it. now, radiation and a small incision and has been free for years. not trying to blow smoke up your ass but just keep an open mind

My vote, go visit a hug is the best gift
Old 11-30-2020, 07:35 AM
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Agree about visiting now. Could you get all your old family videos together and spend a day together with your Mom and watch them?
Old 11-30-2020, 07:55 AM
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Thanks for all the ideas and advice, truly appreciate it.

I got my plane ticket yesterday, so heading down in about 10 days. One good thing that came from Covid is the cheap fares...Frontier airlines from Denver to Orlando - $59 round trip! Crazy! I had to do a triple check to make sure it was right.

I went with an Amazon Alexa with the video screen so that we can easily do video calls without her having to use the computer. I think I'll do the electronic picture frame and load it with pictures also.

Love this place
Old 11-30-2020, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by cparkerc View Post
Thanks for all the ideas and advice, truly appreciate it.

I got my plane ticket yesterday, so heading down in about 10 days. One good thing that came from Covid is the cheap fares...Frontier airlines from Denver to Orlando - $59 round trip! Crazy! I had to do a triple check to make sure it was right.

I went with an Amazon Alexa with the video screen so that we can easily do video calls without her having to use the computer. I think I'll do the electronic picture frame and load it with pictures also.

Love this place
Well done.
Old 11-30-2020, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by cparkerc View Post
My Mom is in Florida (Summerfield) and has ovarian cancer. She has done the chemo and is meeting with her main doctor today to determine if surgery is an option at this point. Looking for Xmas gift ideas for someone that doesn't need anything, but I hope to have some meaning and sentimental value.

I was thinking a picture album of the family and good times, but having a hard time coming up with any other ideas.

I also don't want her to think I am saying good bye either, she needs to keep fighting as she has.

Whatcha got?

Thanks
I believe Costco has a service where they can put pictures on a CD, I think you can customize it with music. We have a CD where we converted a bunch of old slides and it came out great.

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