Purina Diet

Old 01-16-2007, 02:47 PM
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Default Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.......Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

thubert57 is offline  
Old 01-16-2007, 02:50 PM
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Default Re: Purina Diet

I gotta remember that one! Priceless.... Licking your butt.....
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Old 01-16-2007, 02:53 PM
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Default RE: Purina Diet

I just about spit a mouth full of walnuts on to the monitor. YOU AIN'T RIGHT!!
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:59 PM
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Default Re: Purina Diet

Sounds like a joke Shag would tell.
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Old 01-17-2007, 01:42 PM
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Default Re: Purina Diet

Cold Hands

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. After bringing in all the luggage, the guy says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

She says "Well put them between my legs and I will warm them up."

Later he goes out to catch a few fish for lunch and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"

She says again, "Well put them between my legs and I'll warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says,"Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She (smiles) and says, "Darn Honey, don't your EARS ever get cold?"
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