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Vacationing with Kids is Hard

Old 09-09-2020, 08:42 AM
  #121  
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I have twin 10 1/2 year old boys that were born 28 weeks prematurely, after my wife spent 7 weeks in the hospital on bedrest, all while out of town...needless to say, we had a tumultuous first several months with constant NICU visits and dealing with the things you get dealt when having such young ones. We had our first vacation when they were 6 months old...NEVER let your children stop you from doing what you want to do, simply know that it will be different. We had a traditional vacation planned with my extended family, so it allowed both Mom and Dad to get away now and again when they were napping or while being watched. Was it brutal at times, HELL YES, but the alternative is dealing with the same shit while sitting at home. The more they are exposed to at earlier ages makes them more well rounded individuals that are capable of being flexible, etc.

It does get easier in some areas, but more difficult in others. In this digital age, kids want to be in front of an electronic more than in the past. Keep them off the electronics/TV and make them go out side, etc to wear them out...Mom and Dad can have great evenings the earlier they go to bed. Take a deep breath, know you are not alone and that some day you will be looking back wishing you had some of those times back.
Old 09-09-2020, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
There are definitely variable that can come into play, but aside from the folks who's kid(s) have/had life changing injuries or illnesses, most that I know who struggle financially were a hot mess with $$$ prior to kids. We can't speak in absolutes by any stretch...but the average person is an idiot with $ statistically speaking. Kids exaggerate the impact of that stupidity, not cause it.
Absolutely, many are good with their finances in their mind only because they are making enough. Put stress on their finances and their weaknesses start showing. That is part of some problems, I won't disagree with that.

My point was just saying even the slightest change can make something more of an issue than many realize for other people. My wife stopped producing milk with each son around 3 months. Only formula that worked for them was the Yellow Enfamil formula. That crap added another 100 a week to our grocery budget alone. We where fine but I can see how something like this could cause issues for someone not as fortunate.
Old 09-09-2020, 08:52 AM
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oldsaltydog - you are absolutely correct. Formula is expensive as hell; that is something admittedly I was not considering in my post. We had to use the yellow enfamil for a while with our second until the boobies caught up and it was over half of our grocery bill it seems. Fortunately the milk came in and it was a short term problem, but for some it just is what it is and you have no control over it.

Then there's my SIL who just had one born 12 weeks premature who was apparently allergic to breast milk and had to use the super hypoallergenic formula that basically provides no nutrients which lead to a whole host of other issues on top of the NICU stay.

Oh and my best friend who's was born 8 weeks premature who had to stay in the NICU for a while...$$$.

Both are doing fine now but that is certainly an expense that few people can prepare for.
Old 09-09-2020, 09:31 AM
  #124  
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Originally Posted by HookMeUpII View Post
I'm sorry but that's just something you should have thought about before booking. My wife and I don't have kids but we understand our lives will change dramatically when we do. I watch my brother and his wife care for my nephew all the time. I, personally, don't understand why anyone would vacation with an under 1 yr old baby. The 5 yr old, that could be fun. Go to Disney, take him on a fishing charter, etc. But a less than 1 year old? Yeah no way no how. Best of luck.
Because where you go, your kids go. Period.
We took my daughter skiing in Colorado when she was 6 months. Paid for daycare. We took her on a cruise at 1 yr. The motion of the boat helped her to walk better. In one week her balance improved greatly walking down those long hallways. Every place we ever went our kids went with us. You do have to plan ahead, and worry first about the kids. At ski areas I always had to resort to the most expensive lodging, basically as close to the daycare / ski school as possible. Huge ordeal to get the kids to ski school carrying half their crap and then go back to the lodging and get your stuff and go ski. Same for picking them up. No good way to do it except pony up the money.much easier when you're right next door to the ski school, then if you're a shuttle ride and half mile walk away, in a reasonably priced lodging.


For a lot of people it's time to quit being selfish and time to grow up. Most mothers do that automatically, they put their kids first in everything. The fathers are usually the immature ones.


Last edited by mbb; 09-09-2020 at 09:38 AM.
Old 09-09-2020, 09:38 AM
  #125  
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Originally Posted by mbb View Post
Because where you go, your kids go. Period.
We took my daughter skiing in Colorado when she was 6 months. Paid for daycare. We took her on a cruise at 1 yr. The motion of the boat helped her to walk better. In one week her balance improved greatly walking down those long hallways. Every place we ever went our kids went with us. You do have to plan ahead, and worry first about the kids. At ski areas I always had to resort to the most expensive lodging, basically as close to the daycare / ski school as possible. Huge ordeal to get the kids to ski school carrying half their crap and then go back to the lodging and get your stuff and go ski. Same for picking them up. No good way to do it except pony up the money.

For a lot of people it's time to quit being selfish and time to grow up. Most mothers do that automatically, they put their kids first in everything. The fathers are usually the immature ones.
If mom is putting the kids before dad....he's probably not in a good mood. Kids are important...but firmly in 2nd place. That's not to say that accommodating a known feeding schedule, etc. is putting them first....but if dad is being treated like an inconvenience compared to the kids, things need to change or the couple is in huge trouble.
Old 09-09-2020, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by mbb View Post
Because where you go, your kids go. Period.
We took my daughter skiing in Colorado when she was 6 months. Paid for daycare. We took her on a cruise at 1 yr. The motion of the boat helped her to walk better. In one week her balance improved greatly walking down those long hallways. Every place we ever went our kids went with us. You do have to plan ahead, and worry first about the kids. At ski areas I always had to resort to the most expensive lodging, basically as close to the daycare / ski school as possible. Huge ordeal to get the kids to ski school carrying half their crap and then go back to the lodging and get your stuff and go ski. Same for picking them up. No good way to do it except pony up the money.much easier when you're right next door to the ski school, then if you're a shuttle ride and half mile walk away, in a reasonably priced lodging.

For a lot of people it's time to quit being selfish and time to grow up. Most mothers do that automatically, they put their kids first in everything. The fathers are usually the immature ones.
Exactly. Couple options:

1) Don't go and don't complain
2) Go, realize your vacation will not be what you expected and don't complain.
3) Go, pay the money for childcare/ride along nanny/etc and don't complain.

OP is clearly complaining about something HE CHOSE. You have the right idea. You make the scenario work and understand what comes along with it. Me, personally, I am not going to be vacationing with children until they are 2-3 at least. At least not full-blown air travel to a resort.

I hate to break it to a lot of people but no where in the basic human needs is "vacations." Vacations are a luxury, not a necessity.

Food
Water
Shelter

Those are necessities. I assure you if someone gives one of those up for a long period of time, you will die. It irks me to no end when someone says "God, I need a vacation." No, you really don't. You need time from work to spend with your family. Maybe that's a long weekend road trip or just a staycation with day trip plans.

I say this cautiously but posts like this piss people off who have had miscarriages/lost a baby or maybe can't conceive children. People need to think about their decisions before they make them and accept the consequences.
Old 09-09-2020, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
If mom is putting the kids before dad....he's probably not in a good mood. Kids are important...but firmly in 2nd place. That's not to say that accommodating a known feeding schedule, etc. is putting them first....but if dad is being treated like an inconvenience compared to the kids, things need to change or the couple is in huge trouble.
You got it backwards.
A mother's kids will always be first to her.
Always.


Unless she's a psychopath. Or a crack ho.

And and the kids should come first for the Dad too.

When Dad is an immature idiot, that's when there's problems.

Your kids are more important than you are. Because they're the part of you that will be here to carry on after you're gone. They're not an afterthought, and they're not a pet. They are part of you.



Last edited by mbb; 09-09-2020 at 10:13 AM.
Old 09-09-2020, 10:26 AM
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I have 3, 2 and under with twin 1 year olds. We decided to drive up to the mid atlantic for a month over the summer, about 1100 miles each way. We were pretty certain about Jacksonville we had made a huge mistake and debated turning around in the median on 95

We figured it out. To them it's all about routine. We made up a dark room like they're used to, brought their sound machine and kept them on a schedule. After a day or two they figured it out. I have also reset my expectations a long time ago, sitting on the beach with these three just isn't in the cards, so we go on walks and find other things to occupy us.
Old 09-09-2020, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by mbb View Post
You got it backwards.
A mother's kids will always be first to her.
Always.


Unless she's a psychopath. Or a crack ho.

And and the kids should come first for the Dad too.

When Dad is an immature idiot, that's when there's problems.

Your kids are more important than you are. Because they're the part of you that will be here to carry on after you're gone. They're not an afterthought, and they're not a pet. They are part of you.
I don't always see eye to eye with your posts. I don't call you out on them or sling mud either, just kind of move along, however this one is spot on.
Old 09-09-2020, 10:56 AM
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If you are putting your kids on a pedestal more important than your relationship with your spouse...your marriage is screwed. Or you are voluntarily signing up for a lifetime of misery. Mamma isn't going to magically flip the switch when they move out and fall back in your lap. Thats the exact reason so many couples split up as soon as kids are out of the house. Kids come first, and marriage gets put on the back burner.
Old 09-09-2020, 11:26 AM
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Everyone's marriage is different just like what people want in their in their spouses. Both myself and my wife put our children first. It's just how we are and nothing wrong with that, but we also make time for each other. That is a part of the equation that goes missing alot of times in my opinion. Similar to changing our persectives in regards to vacationing with youngens. You have to learn what you want, what you ain't gonna put up with and even dare I say it, compromise on an optimal outcome. I never could stand a submissive partner, but that is just me. Others prefer more defined dom/sub roles, to each their own
Old 09-09-2020, 11:37 AM
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Player I am there right now with a 2.5 year old son who had e walking him around the Hilton in Bimini at 3am for 7 days. He is called the hammer. My daughter is 5 so I’m in the thick of it. Vacations are HELL but still wouldn’t trade my sandbar orgy days for it. My son naps as well at home or he will be a terror and cranky as F if he doesn’t. This summer was beach pool till nap then dive 5pm till night time tire their asses out.
It gets better but not in a rush .my daughter is 5 and already have her lobstering with me in 7 feet of water. Priceless
Old 09-09-2020, 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by HookMeUpII View Post
I'm sorry but that's just something you should have thought about before booking. My wife and I don't have kids but we understand our lives will change dramatically when we do. I watch my brother and his wife care for my nephew all the time. I, personally, don't understand why anyone would vacation with an under 1 yr old baby. The 5 yr old, that could be fun. Go to Disney, take him on a fishing charter, etc. But a less than 1 year old? Yeah no way no how. Best of luck.
The age separation in our kids is kinda what sets up the issues. We preferred closer in age but nature had other plans. It is what it is and we just deal with it.

You’re right though. The 5 year old is generally pretty fun to do stuff with until he gets tired and/or hungry. Sometimes he wakes up in a sour mood and you just have to write off the day. Like others have said, we can’t stop taking trips though just because we have a <1 year old. We bring her along and manage as best as we can. It takes a few days, but we settled into a routine and are doing ok now. It’s a lot different than before, but that’s ok.
Old 09-09-2020, 11:54 AM
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For better or worse, Mother in law would come with us to beach and take care of the newborn.
Last 2 kids were born after we got the place near the ocean so we ventured out quite a bit.
Always had a place to put him/her into the shade for a nap. Took turns with the other 2/3 in the ocean / waves.
We would stay at LEAST 3-4 hours at a time at the beach.
Did not have time to myself for years. Eventually, you gotta play tag team and let your spouse take a break so you can also.
Old 09-09-2020, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by mtskibum View Post
op,
you should have brought your nanny with you. It seems so obvious in hindsight.
lol
Old 09-09-2020, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by melnic View Post
Did not have time to myself for years. Eventually, you gotta play tag team and let your spouse take a break so you can also.
Granted CV19 has thrown a lot of snags into that...but for more typical brakes, having good friends with similar age kids has been key for us. Thankfully for us they share a fenceline. This has opened a lot of doors for date nights and similar. Granted that's not full on vacations, but it helps quite a bit.
Old 09-09-2020, 12:17 PM
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First family vacation woth the 2 month old - luckily he slept very well with some fresh mountain air. Hauling all his gear is almost as bad as fishing with my jigging buddies
Old 09-09-2020, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
If you are putting your kids on a pedestal more important than your relationship with your spouse...your marriage is screwed. Or you are voluntarily signing up for a lifetime of misery. Mamma isn't going to magically flip the switch when they move out and fall back in your lap. Thats the exact reason so many couples split up as soon as kids are out of the house. Kids come first, and marriage gets put on the back burner.
Yup. Few people realize this. I'm sure a lot (if not all) on here love their children and do anything for them. However, someone taught me something when I was younger. Your spouse is literally the ONLY person who will (and should) CHOOSE to be with you the rest of your life. Through sickness and in health. Friends come and go. Kids are reliant on their parents by default when they're young but they usually will eventually marry and leave home. So many people forget this.
Old 09-09-2020, 12:27 PM
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Keys Life


Old 09-09-2020, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by HookMeUpII View Post
Yup. Few people realize this. I'm sure a lot (if not all) on here love their children and do anything for them. However, someone taught me something when I was younger. Your spouse is literally the ONLY person who will (and should) CHOOSE to be with you the rest of your life. Through sickness and in health. Friends come and go. Kids are reliant on their parents by default when they're young but they usually will eventually marry and leave home. So many people forget this.
Then hypothetical question. Your wife is pregnant with your child, medical emergency, your wife is under anesthesia so doctor asks. Can only save one, who do you pick?

This question was brought up with a group of friends, wife didn't even hesitate. Said save the child, another friend said we can make another. And then things got heavy when a friend who at that moment we just found out had a still born a few years earlier said she would gladly give her life up to have that child in this world still. Sombering but clearly I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, there is a matter of perspective and how you see something.

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