autobaun70

Small pop tent and a portable fan. If your wife is like mine, getting her expectations adjusted is the main obstacle. My go to move is to do it once and tell her about it after the fact. Having proven its a solid strategy shuts down the chin music coming from her direction before it starts.

agallant80

I never understood why someone would go through the hell of having kids. Every dude I work with at some point has said something at some point in time about how kids destroyed their dreams, ruined their marriage, destroyed their finances, on and on. Most guys I know would have been fine not having kids but did it because that is what you are supposed to do or their wife was pushing. I know 2-3 guys who actually wanted kids and they have their regrets.

Most of you guys who have kids are going to wake up in your 50's divorced with a x-wife that you have hated for the past 20~ years or still married to a wet blanket who holds you back from your dreams.

I know it sounds mean, and I am not trying to be mean but I know a lot of miserable guys who gave up everything that made them happy for a woman who drags them down and kids they were pretty much talked in to having.

Sin Bin fishing RI

pulling out is for sissy's.

NCSUboater

Holidays are the best. Make no mistake...kids are a pain in the ass. But that's only a small part of the whole situation...albeit a very real one. They make life difficult. Everything becomes a challenge. EVERYTHING. But I wouldn't trade it for anything...just like the other day I was throwing a pan of BBQ baked beans on the pit along with a pork shoulder and my three year old says:

"Daddy are those BUSH'S baked beans?" How did this dude even know that?!?!?! (and no...they were Showboat Pork N Beans)

Or yesterday I asked him if he wanted to face time with granddad:

"Maybe later, I want to ride my dirt bike (his bicycle looks like a dirt bike). Can we email him instead?"

Or the one year old finally saying Dadda and running up to me to be picked up, grinning ear to ear.

And the cool part is we have a pretty big family on my wife's side (she's 1 of 4, and everyone now has kids). They are all getting old enough to know each other and play with each other and when we get together it's an absolute ZOO but it is awesome. Sitting around grilling meat and drinking beer with my BILs outside watching the kids run around, playing cornhole with them and watching football, etc. My 3 year old loves to watch sports...especially the Wolfpack (CPS is probably coming after me for that one). He especially loves football.

It's a challenge, but it's a blast. The first ~2 years are tough.

NCSUboater

If they destroyed their finances it's their own damn fault. Kids are not that expensive, I don't care what anyone says. Ok, well daycare is a real bitch but that's temporary. Day to day, kids are not expensive unless you make it so.

As far as ruined dreams...not gonna lie, there's a lot I dream about doing that I can't because of kids. But you adjust your expectations. Instead of taking a month long motorcycle trip across the US or into SA, I'll take 3 days and ride around the mountains of NC, or 5 days and fly out to California with the wife's support...flying my MIL in to help with the kids. I've started a business with kids, working nights and weekends. Wife is going to school to get a secondary degree, nights and weekends. At some point once the kids are out of the house I WILL realize those dreams...wife has a few too.

Which leads me to my next point...not gonna sit here and BS about it. We struggle at times. Kids are hard on a marriage, especially with both working fulltime and pursuing other interests. There's a fair bit of passive aggression that goes on that we are well aware of. But we have an end goal in mind and are pushing through it. We talk about our goals in life and are aligned regarding finances, careers, where we're gonna live, etc. My wife constantly reminds me that "this is just a season of our lives". And it's true. Young kids are tough...you are on call 24/7. But it's just another challenge to go through, and if your marriage fails because of it then you weren't communicating in the first place. Not saying we do the best job but we are both aware that it's a struggle and it is what it is, and we'll get through it.

Having kids is not hell unless you are a selfish SOB. Yes, some weekends I do just want to get away and do my own damn thing...and you know what? I do, about once a month. For a day anyway. Wife will take over kid duties and I'll get away on the bike or whatever. And now that the youngest is off the tit, she'll do the same. You HAVE to support each other and allow each other to get away, if only for a day.

agallant80

This is probably the most honest post on THT right now. Im sure my view of kids is skewed because every one who has kids looks at me and my wife and tells us how 'free' we are. I have a lot of guys who are very resentful of their wives because of the complete lack of attention they get. Its like the wife was only interested in being a good partner to get a home and kids then the guy turns into a walking idiot who can't do anything right besides make money and get her pregnant and beg like a dog for sex.

NCSUboater

We have a few couples we are friends with who never wanted kids...and yes, it does suck, seeing them be able to do whatever they want on a whim. One set just took a week and cruised the PCH, few months before that they spent a few weeks in Ireland. Yes, there is jealousy...absolutely. Those are things that are simply not possible for us without a TON of prior planning.

It's like the Mr. Obvious commercial where the two moms are at the park with their kids looking at their kidless friend living her best life on some tropical island. They ask "How is she THERE and we are HERE?!?"

Mr. Obvious: CONDOMS!



Pretty well sums it up. But you adjust your expectations. When the youngest gets to be about 3, we will start traveling more as some other posters have said. I want them to grow up traveling. But for now, taking them to a campground in SC that has a bitchin splash pad to watch them play on is pretty satisfying. And one or two nights after the littlest is down I'll go out and get us takeout while also sitting at the bar for 30 mins listening to live music and drinking beer waiting on the food. You gotta focus on getting a little reprieve here and there.

As far as the lack of puddin...yeah, that's a real thing that goes on, especially with one on the tit. Women are wired differently. Some definitely just want a husband to have kids and then they're done with him. Not sure what to say about that other than...that's a bitch (literally and figuratively). I think again it goes back to your goals in life...if they aren't aligned then, yeah you'll probably be in that situation unfortunately. Stagnation is what will get you.

mbb

Its hard
Its time consuming
Its expensive. Extremely expensive.
childcare for 12 years....at a minimum.
Cars, insurance, college.
Laugh at the guy who says kids are not that expensive they don't know what they're talking about. Well-known fact it takes about $250,000 to raise a kid to age 18. That's an average that's not an extravagant lifestyle. Now make that three kids. Put them in private school send them to college. Play sports, buy them the items there peers have....iphones, computers, nice clothes, cars, etc. Send them to dances. a girl's gown for every dance is like $100+ and she needs a different one for each one. Easily spend $700 on gowns in a school year.

Everything you do, every extra penny you make for many years will go to supporting your kids. Unless you're very well off you will give up just about everything for them, to give them a better, easier life than you had . Unless you're a real POS. That's just how it works.


But, it's what life is fundamentally all about.

agallant80

Everest has live music now?

olsaltydog

Consider yourself lucky you and your wife having children did not end up costing you more than you ever expected. Under normal situations having and raising children is manageable financially but that can all go sideways for many various reasons. So don't apply your experiences to what others have had to deal with, at least until you can determine if they are actually having to deal with something versus just having poor financial accountability.

schwammerl

One thing that made a huge difference in my kids was to remove sugar from their diets. Its hard to believe how much sugar is in common foods - Yogurt, orange juice, breakfast cereals, etc. My wife was shocked when I piled up the sugar in grams equal to a single serving yogurt on the kitchen scale. We got rid of it all and were able to drive 2000 miles each way to the ocean in the conversion van with chillin kids playing video games and watching movies the whole time.

NCSUboater

Ha, no this was down at the beach.

I understand that, not the point I was trying to make. People in general say kids are expensive just like they say boats or diesel trucks are expensive to maintain or whatever. Can they be? Yes, but in general that's overblown.

I understand situations pop up with kids that are out of ones control...I was more referring to what people generally associate kids being expensive with: the clothes, all the accessories, toys, etc, etc, etc. And they complain and yet I see their kids constantly dressed to the 9s in new clothes, and all the accessories are new, top of the line, etc. It's not necessary, but it certainly drives up the cost

If there's a health reason, or extra time in the hospital or whatever...that is a COMPLETELY different scenario. Our first cost us nearly 15k out of pocket, for various reasons.

autobaun70

There are definitely variable that can come into play, but aside from the folks who's kid(s) have/had life changing injuries or illnesses, most that I know who struggle financially were a hot mess with $$$ prior to kids. We can't speak in absolutes by any stretch...but the average person is an idiot with $ statistically speaking. Kids exaggerate the impact of that stupidity, not cause it.

Double tyme

this x 100. "Hey I tried XX because I (important to say I) was having issues with Y, it worked great."

Double tyme

my kids lead a somewhat charmed life, but the little one still wears hand me down underwear (along with everything else). The best part abuot young kids is that with a little imagination, having fun doesn't have to cost a ton of money. Nature is free!

NCSUboater

Yup, that's where I was going with that. Our littlest is wearing what the oldest wore...and those clothes were on kid 4 or 5 by the time they got to him (either from cousins, or friends, or once upon a child). We have literally spent less than $200 on clothes for our kids...and I can count on one hand the number of new outfits we've bought. Cribs were used hand me down pieces of crap, pack n plays were used. Most we've spent has been on new car seats, for obvious reasons.

Some folks are wired differently...kids have to have the newest and the best...all the unnecessary gadgets, etc. We have a set of friends who have an automated formula dispenser...wtf is that lol.

Point being, you can have kids cheaply. Health issues are of course a different story, and yes I do feel fortunate that ours have had minimal issues outside of the normal ear infections, etc. I know plenty of families who have kids that cost a fortune due to circumstances out of their control, and these are high earners that are good with money who have been put in a bad spot. Not who I'm referring to at all and yes I am very thankful to not have to deal with that.

autobaun70

Other than a few special occasion outfits, neither of mine wear new clothes. There is a big church that does a consignment sale twice annually here, and teachers get first shot. Also frequent a local used children clothing store. And lots of stuff we get from friends who's kids are slightly older. New expensive kids clothes are way overrated.

EpicWakeJump

Wowza!!

It’s refreshing to see how we all have similar experiences!

My boys are 2 and 4. The 2 year old and mom is what makes vacationing a pain in the a$$.

When mom starts yelling and losing her mind, it’s all over.

My oldest and I had a blast on Lake Tahoe. Just he and I. It was glorious.

bakerjw

Now there's a humble brag if I ever saw one.
Didn't even ask about pics of the nanny.

HookMeUpII

I'm sorry but that's just something you should have thought about before booking. My wife and I don't have kids but we understand our lives will change dramatically when we do. I watch my brother and his wife care for my nephew all the time. I, personally, don't understand why anyone would vacation with an under 1 yr old baby. The 5 yr old, that could be fun. Go to Disney, take him on a fishing charter, etc. But a less than 1 year old? Yeah no way no how. Best of luck.