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Intrusive In-laws

Old 09-03-2020, 08:08 PM
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Default Intrusive In-laws

I know what everyone thinks when they read the title... Everyone has intrusive in-laws. Get over it. Well, I believe my “get over it” has “gotten the Fu€# over it. My in-laws are extremely nice people and I love them. They will do anything for anyone. I cannot explain just how nice they are, but they come to our house EVERY SINGLE DAY! EVERY ONE! WITHOUT EXCEPTION! His constant “helping me out” seems more like passive aggressive ways of saying “why don’t you do it this way?” I’m 37. My wife is 40. Our kids are 14. We don’t need any help. We got it! I feel terrible though, because I know I should be a nicer person than I am, but then I watch them and realize they’re so nice they can’t detect when they’re inconveniencing other people. The worst part about it is we’re in a gated community with a shared pool. They treat that pool like it’s theirs, even ignoring the rules that are clearly posted on the wall! It keeps owners away from the pool! Idk what to do at this point. My wife keeps saying she’ll say something to them but she never does. She won’t. I’m in a lose lose situation. Anyone else deal with something like this? I know I’m just venting. Thanks for “listening”.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:17 PM
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Sounds like an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond
Old 09-03-2020, 08:18 PM
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Be politely assertive. Just like you told us, tell them you love them and think they are some of the nicest people on the face of the planet, but you need a little space. Tell them that you need you time and alone time on occasion and tell them because they are such wonderful people, you know they will understand.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by jamesbfishin View Post
Sounds like an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond
Ha.

I don't miss my ex-wife. I do miss her folks. I'd put up with a lot to enjoy their company again.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Paul Barnard View Post
Be politely assertive. Just like you told us, tell them you love them and think they are some of the nicest people on the face of the planet, but you need a little space. Tell them that you need you time and alone time on occasion and tell them because they are such wonderful people, you know they will understand.

I truly believe they wouldn’t understand. I think it would just hurt my FIL’s feelings. Full disclosure- my FIL’s “wife” isn’t my wife’s mother. I believe she would be happy staying at home more often, but he’s a “social butterfly “. He must be around other folks to be happy.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted by DLG4354 View Post
I truly believe they wouldn’t understand. I think it would just hurt my FIL’s feelings. Full disclosure- my FIL’s “wife” isn’t my wife’s mother. I believe she would be happy staying at home more often, but he’s a “social butterfly “. He must be around other folks to be happy.
You have to decide what's more important. Your sanity or their feelings if they took your comments the wrong way.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:37 PM
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Are you my brother in law? He has to look at the over-weight MIL with the varicose veins just help her self to his pool. Everything else sounds familiar too. I'm 200 miles away.
Old 09-03-2020, 08:38 PM
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Pics of MIL? Are we talking MILF?
Old 09-03-2020, 09:15 PM
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If you're about 40, they are probably about 65 and possibly not going to be around much longer. You actually owe it to your kids to let them see them as much as possible.

So, learn to enjoy it. Or at least to not let it bother you. Its family.

Now, when FIL wants to help, let him. Ask him to help you with stuff, put him to work. Eventually he'll want to quit coming over there.......

How do they get in your gated community without you letting them in....... Or do they also live there?

​​​​​
Old 09-04-2020, 04:10 AM
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I would have a sit down with my wife and demand that she deals with it . I don't have the time or interest for anyone to come by here on a daily visit especially uninvited. Your wife might just ask them to please call anytime they want to visit to see if it's convenient. Good Luck
Old 09-04-2020, 04:18 AM
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Slip the security at the pool some cash and have them escorted off property.
Old 09-04-2020, 04:19 AM
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If y’all get exposed to rona the whole lot of you has to quarantine for 14 days. Maybe they can find a hobby during that time?
Old 09-04-2020, 04:20 AM
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Send them a link to this thread.
Done.

.
Old 09-04-2020, 05:46 AM
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Originally Posted by skibum View Post
Pics of MIL? Are we talking MILF?
We are unequivocally NOT!
Old 09-04-2020, 05:57 AM
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Originally Posted by skibum View Post
Pics of MIL? Are we talking MILF?
x2 if mil is hot just start flirting with her. Fil will get the point. Wife will get the point.
Old 09-04-2020, 06:16 AM
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Old folks usually need to have a "job" or a purpose. Sounds like being there everyday is a purpose they have found.

Maybe be they can start helping with picking up the kids from school etc.. Give them things to do and ask advice etc..
Old 09-04-2020, 06:18 AM
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What are they doing while they are there? Sitting around watching TV, organizing your sock drawer, cooking? Send them and the kids to their house so you can bang their daughter in peace.
Old 09-04-2020, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by DLG4354 View Post
I truly believe they wouldn’t understand. I think it would just hurt my FIL’s feelings. Full disclosure- my FIL’s “wife” isn’t my wife’s mother. I believe she would be happy staying at home more often, but he’s a “social butterfly “. He must be around other folks to be happy.
If what you say is accurate then talking with the wife sounds like your road in. ?

Originally Posted by mbb View Post
If you're about 40, they are probably about 65 and possibly not going to be around much longer. You actually owe it to your kids to let them see them as much as possible.

So, learn to enjoy it. Or at least to not let it bother you. Its family.

Now, when FIL wants to help, let him. Ask him to help you with stuff, put him to work. Eventually he'll want to quit coming over there.......

​​​​​
I had Great in-laws so I know when I say you are so blessed to have great in-laws, most people don't.

Since the in-laws are over everyday the OP has a built in babysitter/ house watcher. The OP and wife need to engage themselves in some outside activities to get them out of the house a couple times a week.

My hands are Always into building, fixing or upgrading something, man I could get three times as much stuff done if I only had an extra set of hands.....my in-laws were 200 miles away.

Originally Posted by steve a59 View Post
I would have a sit down with my wife and demand that she deals with it . I don't have the time or interest for anyone to come by here on a daily visit especially uninvited. Your wife might just ask them to please call anytime they want to visit to see if it's convenient. Good Luck
I'd wager to say what you fail to realize is, the daughter is her fathers little girl, therefore cut from the same cloth. There is no way she has it in her to say something.
Old 09-04-2020, 06:26 AM
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Forget it, you needed to assert yourself from the beginning at this point it will not end well.
Old 09-04-2020, 06:35 AM
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Wow. I have been thinking about a similar environment with my in laws a lot recently.
My wife and I are HS sweethearts so they watched me grow up; that seems to increase the need to give directions.

We lived away for a while, but when we were your age (15-years ago) I found myself in a similar situation. I decided to make the best of it. I always had projects that I needed him to do: help with garden, etc. and he loved it. I took him on a few fishing trips to visit his brothers and I had a blast. I didn’t realize how much fun he could be when it was just us. My two sons developed a great relationship with their grandfather.

We moved them both into memory care yesterday And he seems to be giving up, when he knows where he is.

I am so glad I took the “high-road” with him, even though I benefited more than him, I think. My boys and I have a relationship with him his own kids don’t, and my son has mentioned more than once he now knows how to treat older parents.

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