Notices

Golf Joke

Old 12-20-2006, 01:40 PM
  #1  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Golf Joke

These four guys were playing a round of golf and came up behind another forsome that was playing terribly. They were hacking almost every ball out of bounds, hitting balls very short distances, and and even 10 and 12 putting some greens. They were playing terribly slow. The foresome behind keep motioning to them to let them play through but they never did. When they got back to the clubhouse after the front 9 they immediately went into the pro shop and were complaining to the pro about the extremely slow play.

The pro said; "Wait a minute. Before you complain too much I want you to realize that those guys are blind".

The first golfer said, "Oh my gosh, I feel terrible the way we were cussing them and carrying on. When they get done please put their green fees on my tab".

The second golfer said, "Man, I feel terrible too. When they get in give them each a country club sweater and put it on my tab".

The third one felt the same and said, "When they get in tell them that lunch is on me".

They all looked at the fourth golfer and he hesitated a minute before he said "Fu*k em, let em play at night".
Shag is offline  
Old 12-20-2006, 02:03 PM
  #2  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: New Jersey Shore
Posts: 4,071
Default Re: Golf Joke

A man was playing golf with his friends on his day off, when he got a call from the hospital that his wife had been rushed there, as she had been in an accident!

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!



"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past Four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed

The doctor snickered and said, "Just Fkkkking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

Themis Sal is offline  
Old 12-20-2006, 02:16 PM
  #3  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: miami
Posts: 286
Default Re: Golf Joke

a couple get married and their on their honeymoon. She tell him I have had relations with tiger woods before. He says lets not go back into history we are now together as one.

He gets on top of her and screws her well. He get up and goes to the phone. She says what are you doing. He says I am hungry and I am calling for room service.

She says tiger wood not do that.

he says what would tiger due.

he'd do me again.

the guy gets on top of her again and screws her even better.

He gets up and goes to the phone again, she says what are you doing he says well I was hungry before I am starving now I am calling for room service.

She says tiger would not do that.

He says what would tiger due.

She says he do me again.

The hangs up and screws her big time.

He get up and goes to the phone she says honey are you calling room service again, he says no dear I am calling tiger to find out what the par is in this hole???

cafe55 is offline  
Old 12-20-2006, 07:48 PM
  #4  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunny florida
Posts: 22,232
Default Re: Golf Joke

Uh, Cafe, is that the front 9 or the back 9??
billinstuart is online now  
Old 12-20-2006, 08:20 PM
  #5  
Senior MemberPLEDGERPLEDGERPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 9,444
Default Re: Golf Joke

TrollnHeel is offline  
Old 12-20-2006, 08:51 PM
  #6  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: Golf Joke

Two golfers were on the course and a funeral procession came by. One of em stopped the cart, took off his hat, and bowed his head until the procession passed by.

His buddy looked at him and said, "Man, I have known you for years and have never seen you this reverant".

He replied, "Yep, we would have been married 25 years next month".
Shag is offline  
Old 12-21-2006, 12:02 PM
  #7  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Bedford, NH, USA
Posts: 414
Default Re: Golf Joke

Two golfers were playing behind a slow women twosome. The holes pass slowly as the game drags on. Finally, one of the golfers tells his partner that he's going to tell the women to pick it up. So he walks down the fairway and gets about halfway to the women when he turns around and comes back. The partner asks why he did not to talk to the women? The golfer states that he recognized the women: one was his wife, the other was his mistress. Ok, so the partner decides he’ll talk to the women instead. Halfway there he turns around and comes back. Now the first golfer asks why he came back. His partner responds, “it’s a small world”.
Nauti Buoy is offline  
Old 12-21-2006, 12:18 PM
  #8  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: Golf Joke

The golf pro was teaching a woman how to play golf. She was having trouble with her swing so he got behind her, reached around, and helped her grasp the club. He looked down and noticed that his zipper was open. He reached down to zip it up but then he did, it got caught in the back of her skirt. They tried and tried to get it undone to no avail. Finally they agreed that they were adults and shouldn't be embarrassed so they were going to walk back to the clubhouse and get help. Just before they got to the clubhouse a German Shepard came around the corner and threw a bucket of water on them.
Shag is offline  
Old 12-23-2006, 07:25 PM
  #9  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,024
Default RE: Golf Joke

So, you're playing a round of golf and you see a big thunderstorm heading in your direction.

What do you do?























Go the middle of the course and hold your one iron over your head. Why???????????????/






















Because not even God can hit a one iron.
saltwaters is offline  
Old 12-24-2006, 06:48 AM
  #10  
Admirals ClubCaptains Club Member Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: anderson, sc
Posts: 18,500
Default RE: Golf Joke

tprice is offline  
Old 12-25-2006, 08:00 AM
  #11  
MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Marathon, Fl.
Posts: 33
Default RE: Golf Joke

A lady golfer comes running into the proshop screaming that she'd just been stung by a hornet.

The golf pro asked "Where at?"

"Between the first and second hole."

"It sounds like your stance is too wide."
BuckeyeAl is offline  
Old 12-27-2006, 03:47 PM
  #12  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Chesapeake Bay, Maryland
Posts: 421
Default RE: Golf Joke

A grandfather, his son and his grandson are getting ready to tee up on the first tee and the starter sends out this beautiful blonde at the last minute to join them. All 4 tee off and the blonde says to the other 3. I would appreciate it if you gentlemen would just let me play my game and not try to help me with advise on every shot I take. She said that everytime she plays with men she's never met before they allways try to tell her how to play the game.
The men agreed that they wouldnt bother her during the round.
They get to the 18th hole, a par four, and the blonde is on in two and 8 feet from the cup. She looks at the men and says that if she makes this putt, it would be the best round she ever shot. as a matter of fact, it would be her first time shooting below par. She asks the men for help reading the putt and if she make the putt, she will take the one that gave her the best read on the putt into the bushes and give him the best blow job of his life. The grandson went first and told her that the putt looked like it would be a little left to right. The father went next and said he thought it looked pretty straight and to just keep it inside the hole. The grandfather looked at her and told her to pick it up....Its a gimme!!!!!!
BrooklynJoe is offline  
Old 12-27-2006, 07:47 PM
  #13  
Senior Member

 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Quebec, Canada and Pirates Cove, OBX, NC
Posts: 20,170
Default RE: Golf Joke

BrooklynJoe - 12/27/2006 3:47 PM

A grandfather, his son and his grandson are getting ready to tee up on the first tee and the starter sends out this beautiful blonde at the last minute to join them. All 4 tee off and the blonde says to the other 3. I would appreciate it if you gentlemen would just let me play my game and not try to help me with advise on every shot I take. She said that everytime she plays with men she's never met before they allways try to tell her how to play the game.
The men agreed that they wouldnt bother her during the round.
They get to the 18th hole, a par four, and the blonde is on in two and 8 feet from the cup. She looks at the men and says that if she makes this putt, it would be the best round she ever shot. as a matter of fact, it would be her first time shooting below par. She asks the men for help reading the putt and if she make the putt, she will take the one that gave her the best read on the putt into the bushes and give him the best blow job of his life. The grandson went first and told her that the putt looked like it would be a little left to right. The father went next and said he thought it looked pretty straight and to just keep it inside the hole. The grandfather looked at her and told her to pick it up....Its a gimme!!!!!!

auguste is offline  
Old 12-27-2006, 07:51 PM
  #14  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: Golf Joke

Two guys were playing golf and a funeral procession came by. One of them stopped, took off his hat, and bowed his head. After the procession passed the other golfer said, "Man, I have known you for years and have never seen you that reverant".

The other one replied, "Yep, we would have been married 30 years next Wednesday".
Shag is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Thread Tools
Search this Thread