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Family issue

Old 06-06-2020, 06:52 AM
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Default Family issue

Situatation
My father died in 2017, estate was equally devivided between my sister and I. I purchased my sisterís 1/2 of my fatherís house.
My son and daughter in law wanted the house. I gave them the 1/2 of the house that was already mine and mortgaged for them the 1/2 that I had to purchase from my sister at 0% interest.
They updated the home, it was built in 1976 and hadnít been touched- update was absolutely needed. As usually happens the budget was exceeded because of unexpected issues. They were suppose to start repaying in June Ď17, however because of budget issues I told them to hold off until Jan Ď18.
Almost immediately I found out that the DIL had cosmetic surgery (nonreconstructive-100% elective) in Mexico. Basically costing the amount I deferred.
In Jan they started paying with no hick ups. Until Marchí20. DIL was layed off her job, not covid related. My son approached me and asked if they could defer payments until DIL returned to work.
In the mean time they scheduled an overseas trip (without going into detail) to try and get pg.
While Iím happy about the coming grandchild, I have reservations about financing it.
Im retired working part time at a fun job making peanuts. In fact Iím making Gar less than what DIL is bringing Home on nemployment. She is receiving the extra $600 covid money.
Im trying real hard to be reasonable, having not mentioned the payments. Iím not in financial pain, but I had counted on the repayment of the $80k, to provide my wife and I with some money.
Now it seems as if I mention the mortgage, Iíll be placing money in front of grandbaby.
My wife is pushing for me to forgive the entire mortgage, this caused a MAJOR nock down drag out last night. Iím holding firm because of the initial lie I was told concerning the Mexican surgery. And DIL mfíing the stupid people that owe large mortgages (referring to my daughter and SIL). All the while not paying me what is owed.
What say you?
Old 06-06-2020, 06:57 AM
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Pictures of the DIL boob job will be required to make a proper assessment .
Old 06-06-2020, 07:02 AM
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If you aren't in the position to give away 80k, don't do it.

FWIW ..... Does your wife know when debt is forgiven the amount forgiven is taxable income?
Old 06-06-2020, 07:03 AM
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Donít loan money to anyone (especially family) that you canít afford to lose.

also, wtf is up with going overseas to get pregnant? Conceived two perfectly good kids at home. Only assistance we had was bourbon. Seriously.....a trip to a foreign county to get pregnant is stupid. Spend a pile of $ to go overseas then waste it all staying in a hotel room? Not that Iím against spending all day in the hotel room, but I donít need to fly to France or someplace to do it.

sounds like your dil wears the pants and has your sons balls in her purse.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:03 AM
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You need to sit down with them and lay it all out on the table, payments to you come first, after that they can do what they want. Or have them get their own mortgage and deal with the bank.

Old 06-06-2020, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
Donít loan money to anyone (especially family) that you canít afford to lose.

also, wtf is up with going overseas to get pregnant? Conceived two perfectly good kids at home. Only assistance we had was bourbon. Seriously.....a trip to a foreign county to get pregnant is stupid. Spend a pile of $ to go overseas then waste it all staying in a hotel room? Not that Iím against spending all day in the hotel room, but I donít need to fly to France or someplace to do it.

sounds like your dil wears the pants and has your sons balls in her purse.
Could be a medical vacation to another country where in vitro fertilization is a lot cheaper than it is here.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:09 AM
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Originally Posted by LWLoadie View Post
Or have them get their own mortgage and deal with the bank.
^^^THIS!! It gets you out of everything and makes them responsible for their own debt. If it happend now, it WILL happen again......
Old 06-06-2020, 07:10 AM
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It be worst, they could be homeless or living with you and your wife.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:12 AM
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Precisely why you should never loan or borrow money from to to family and friends.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:14 AM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
Donít loan money to anyone (especially family) that you canít afford to lose.

also, wtf is up with going overseas to get pregnant? Conceived two perfectly good kids at home. Only assistance we had was bourbon. Seriously.....a trip to a foreign county to get pregnant is stupid. Spend a pile of $ to go overseas then waste it all staying in a hotel room? Not that Iím against spending all day in the hotel room, but I donít need to fly to France or someplace to do it.

sounds like your dil wears the pants and has your sons balls in her purse.
Sounds like someone listens to Dr. Laura.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by JiNative888 View Post
Sounds like someone listens to Dr. Laura.
nope. Just pretty intolerant of BS and high maintenance women that suck at math. Particularly those that donít think the math limitations of their situation should apply to them, and lean on others to get what they want.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:27 AM
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As of now, you're the bank, be the bank. They don't need to know your cash issues and you don't need theirs . They owe you X on this date, everything else is bullshirt . Please remit mortgage payment, if they can send it from Mexico? so be it . You'll be teaching them a valuable lesson too.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:41 AM
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If you forgive the balance on the mortgage, you and your son/DIL will need to deal with the tax issues this creates. Forgiving the mortgage can be treated as a gift, which means a multi-year gifting process or immediate and complete forgiveness where someone (i.e., you) pays the gift tax now or it will impact the tax treatment of your estate. The alternative is you can write off the mortgage as a bad debt and your son/DIL will owe Federal and state income taxes on the forgiven balance.

My parents gave money to my sister to buy a home in California. They made it clear to my sister and me that her gift came out of her share of their estate and it was not to impact me or my share of the estate in any way. I was the estate executor, my sister got less money than I did, she knew why and there have been no hard feelings. My sister later loaned money to her daughter to buy a home and the daughter defaulted. My sister made the same arrangement as our parents did- her estate will not be equally divided between her daughter and son and they both know it. You could consider telling your son and DIL that the value of any gift you gave them will be deducted from their share of your estate and gifted to charity (or a sibling if there is one).

In my personal opinion, you would be teaching your son and DIL a bad lesson by forgiving the debt. You've already given them half the house, they need to show some responsibility now.

Last edited by yarcraft91; 06-06-2020 at 07:51 AM.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Tireless View Post
Could be a medical vacation to another country where in vitro fertilization is a lot cheaper than it is here.
yep
Old 06-06-2020, 07:48 AM
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If they haven't already put a mortgage on the house (which there's a good chance they will get around to), let them refinance and give you the $80,000.

I've lent money to people, they always resent paying me back. Generally speaking, I think that they overestimate what I have put away, and feel that the money is just sitting there so I really don't need it.

Maybe sit down with your son and tell him that you want to buy a retirement condo/boat whatever and that you need your money in a lump sum.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry

Old 06-06-2020, 07:56 AM
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They are taking advantage of you because itís Dad. If they owed the money to Wells Fargo they would have paid.

I think you have to say that to your son and tell him you donít want to put money before his kids but he needs to be more responsible.


They obviously donít know what sacrifice is so I cut them off until they start making better decisions.

Last edited by Lorne Greene; 06-06-2020 at 08:11 AM.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:58 AM
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So what happens when she gets preggo on the trip .still not working those 9 months and not paying. then what's happens when the kid is born. Is she still pardon from the payments. Somone has to watch the kid. Where does it stop? If it doesnt change now. it wont. Somone has to be collected even if its not full payment or they need a bank loan so you are out of it.


Rent the house out or sell it to somone else to they are stable again..is always a choice.
Old 06-06-2020, 07:59 AM
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Originally Posted by SteveBrooklyn View Post
..... let them refinance and give you the $80,000.
With DIL being un-employed, they might not even qualify.

With the sweetheart deal they have with the OP, why would they want to even try for a bank mortgage?

I wouldn't forgive anything, because at this point it isn't a clear decision, it's more like giving up and that will leave a bad taste forever.

I would, however, restructure the payback terms and every month they miss a payment, adds 1/4% to the APR, no ifs ands or buts about it.


Old 06-06-2020, 08:00 AM
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Rates are exceptionally good right now. Have them pay you back with a real mortgage. Knock down the principle a little if it makes everyone happy.
Old 06-06-2020, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
Situatation
My father died in 2017, estate was equally devivided between my sister and I. I purchased my sisterís 1/2 of my fatherís house.
My son and daughter in law wanted the house. I gave them the 1/2 of the house that was already mine and mortgaged for them the 1/2 that I had to purchase from my sister at 0% interest.
They updated the home, it was built in 1976 and hadnít been touched- update was absolutely needed. As usually happens the budget was exceeded because of unexpected issues. They were suppose to start repaying in June Ď17, however because of budget issues I told them to hold off until Jan Ď18.
Almost immediately I found out that the DIL had cosmetic surgery (nonreconstructive-100% elective) in Mexico. Basically costing the amount I deferred.
In Jan they started paying with no hick ups. Until Marchí20. DIL was layed off her job, not covid related. My son approached me and asked if they could defer payments until DIL returned to work.
In the mean time they scheduled an overseas trip (without going into detail) to try and get pg.
While Iím happy about the coming grandchild, I have reservations about financing it.
Im retired working part time at a fun job making peanuts. In fact Iím making Gar less than what DIL is bringing Home on nemployment. She is receiving the extra $600 covid money.
Im trying real hard to be reasonable, having not mentioned the payments. Iím not in financial pain, but I had counted on the repayment of the $80k, to provide my wife and I with some money.
Now it seems as if I mention the mortgage, Iíll be placing money in front of grandbaby.
My wife is pushing for me to forgive the entire mortgage, this caused a MAJOR nock down drag out last night. Iím holding firm because of the initial lie I was told concerning the Mexican surgery. And DIL mfíing the stupid people that owe large mortgages (referring to my daughter and SIL). All the while not paying me what is owed.
What say you?
F that. Tell them to go out and get a mortgage loan for what they owe you. You're done raising kids.

DIL is also wearing the pants in your house!

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