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My daughter has flipped out!!!

Old 02-16-2020, 05:54 PM
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Default My daughter has flipped out!!!

At least my wife thinks so, me not so much. Freshmen in college, H.S. valedictorian, 4.0 in her honors college so far, substantial scholorships that pay her to go to college (humblebrag I guess). Her goal is law school and she was supposed to intern for a US senator this summer. She informed her mother and I that she was thinking about buying a van and striking out on a road trip this summer (she has the funds to do so). She arrogantly stated she could do the internship whenever "she" wanted. She is probably correct on that point.

I hit her with a few questions that she had not thought about, but seems like she has given it a lot of thought. In a way I feel like I have lit this streak of independence in her because over the last 3-4 years me and her have gone on some epic hiking and camping trips to some exotic places. Her mother rarely joins us because she is not a "camper" and doesn't really get how liberating standing on a mountain peak can be!

My huge concern is she says she is going solo which is when I got a little more in my wife's corner. She is an adult but naïve to the world. If there was a friend or two involved I could get on board. The wife and boyfriend are having a cow and want me to nip it in the bud. She is an adult, but I can stop it. Thoughts?
Old 02-16-2020, 06:00 PM
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Nope....... end of story... I'll most likely be in the minority on this one here, but if she's mine- nope...

Once she's out of your home and on her own, that is up to her... until then- nope
Old 02-16-2020, 06:14 PM
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Originally Posted by fields View Post
Nope....... end of story... I'll most likely be in the minority on this one here, but if she's mine- nope...

Once she's out of your home and on her own, that is up to her... until then- nope
My wife is wishing she was married to you right about now!
Old 02-16-2020, 06:20 PM
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I wish I would have pulled the plug on my daughters trip. Her 1 year trip is up to 4 years now and I can't figure out how to get her back to the states
Old 02-16-2020, 06:27 PM
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I wish I focused a bit more on my personal happiness rather than building the empire and funding the retirement account. Maybe she is onto something. With that said I would insist that she did not do it alone.
Old 02-16-2020, 06:29 PM
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No advice but a story about a guy I know. If this type of thing is still available it might be perfect for her.

After he graduated college he flew to Australia. Bought a van and was connected with an organization that used recently graduated college day labor. Basically he circled the entire continent over 9 months stopping to work for a couple days whenever he needed a little cash. He worked less than 25% of the time while seeing the country before settling down in the "real world". Might be something your daughter could look into AFTER she's completed studies????
Old 02-16-2020, 06:31 PM
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Pics of daughter and wife
Old 02-16-2020, 06:32 PM
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Good luck. My daughter just finished college. We are very close. We have had a few conversations about ideas she has had, travel is one, that I have said I wish she would reconsider. We would discuss them and I would say the choice is ultimately up to her but I think XYZ is a bad idea. Because our relationship is so strong as is mutual respect, she has followed my advice. In the end, that is all we can do. If you can't keep her home, push hard for a friend to go. Travel by yourself can be pretty lonely anyway. And should I mention weapons training. Carry conceal. Mine wouldn't leave home without her pistol.
Old 02-16-2020, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by briankinley2004 View Post
Pics of daughter and wife
I know it's THT tradition but F off! JK
Old 02-16-2020, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Lrivenbark View Post
Good luck. My daughter just finished college. We are very close. We have had a few conversations about ideas she has had, travel is one, that I have said I wish she would reconsider. We would discuss them and I would say the choice is ultimately up to her but I think XYZ is a bad idea. Because our relationship is so strong as is mutual respect, she has followed my advice. In the end, that is all we can do. If you can't keep her home, push hard for a friend to go. Travel by yourself can be pretty lonely anyway. And should I mention weapons training. Carry conceal. Mine wouldn't leave home without her pistol.
We are very close and so are her and her mother. She will do what we want. BTW she knows her way around a handgun!
Old 02-16-2020, 06:40 PM
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Boyfriend? Her boyfriend?

Is he not invited?
Old 02-16-2020, 06:43 PM
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Not alone.
There are many good and some bad people out there.
It only takes one (or several, as cowards are wont to be) bad person to capture a solo girl.
Old 02-16-2020, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by willie g View Post
I wish I would have pulled the plug on my daughters trip. Her 1 year trip is up to 4 years now and I can't figure out how to get her back to the states
Who's paying her bills?
Old 02-16-2020, 06:46 PM
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I dont really think thats a good idea
Old 02-16-2020, 06:48 PM
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Why does the wife’s boyfriend have a say in the matter?
Old 02-16-2020, 06:51 PM
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I think a lot of it would depend upon where she wants to go. I travel to the mountains of CO every year and there are no shortage of young single women enjoying the wilds there. Tell her that she must spend some time in the campgrounds around Crested Butte. If she takes an interest, ping me and I'll give you more details. It's truly one of the most beautiful places on earth. Especially during wildflower season in mid July.
Old 02-16-2020, 06:58 PM
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Compromise with her. Tell her to buckle down and get through undergraduate in 3 years. If she’s that smart it shouldn’t be that much of a challenge. Then she can take what would have been her 4th year in college to explore the world. She’ll be 2-3 years older by then and more mature and will hopefully find a traveling partner along the way.

BTW...I’m in same boat as oldest daughter is a freshman in college. But I’m paying all her bills so I still have leverage over her making potentially life altering mistakes. Your daughter has earned her way through and is an adult, so your leverage is limited. Good luck!



Old 02-16-2020, 07:01 PM
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I have coached high school boys and girls for a long time. One of my favorites is a girl who spent over a year in Australia right after a year in college with no previous contacts and it all was fine. She is back in the States and says she wishes she could do it again.
She was smart and athletic, and could have done almost anything. Nice parents and family also.
Old 02-16-2020, 07:01 PM
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Let her go, give her a good cell phone....
Old 02-16-2020, 07:07 PM
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It's time for her to find her own way. I have learned much more from my mistakes than I ever learned from my successes. It's time for her to make a few mistakes and this adventure will provide that opportunity. Not that it won't be a great adventure but problems will come up that she will never have a chance to learn from if she's sitting in her dorm room. From kindergarten to her freshman year she's been doing what she is "supposed" to do with her life. What if that isn't want she wants to do with her life. I say let her explore. I'm not worried about a single young female traveling on her own. There are risks but they aren't huge. Most of the time bad things happen because we let ourselves get into bad situations., If she's smart and careful, and stays in touch with her dad while she travels, she will be fine.

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