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Teenage Son Vaping and Drinking

Old 12-19-2019, 05:04 PM
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Be careful how stern you are. My hard nosed Marine Corp Pops tried to ground me to eternity when he found out I was smoking herb.

Took everything, wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school and work, etc, extra chores, blah, blah, blah.

I didn't see the big deal with smoking herb. Got good grades, had a job, extracurricular activities etc.

Pops pushed and pushed and pushed.

Decided I was going to make a living growing herb as a result I think. Not bragging, but I eventually was making more money in a week than my Pops was making per year. Right place at the right time and some lucky breaks and some hard work. Been growing herb for over 20 years now.

Pops eventually gave in, retired and moved across the country to grow herb with me. He couldn't say no to the profits.

Old 12-19-2019, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by bayrunner16 View Post
Be careful how stern you are. My hard nosed Marine Corp Pops tried to ground me to eternity when he found out I was smoking herb.

Took everything, wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school and work, etc, extra chores, blah, blah, blah.

I didn't see the big deal with smoking herb. Got good grades, had a job, extracurricular activities etc.

Pops pushed and pushed and pushed.

Decided I was going to make a living growing herb as a result I think. Not bragging, but I eventually was making more money in a week than my Pops was making per year. Right place at the right time and some lucky breaks and some hard work. Been growing herb for over 20 years now.

Pops eventually gave in, retired and moved across the country to grow herb with me. He couldn't say no to the profits.
Sounds like he did you a solid. Motivation comes in many forms.


Old 12-19-2019, 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Rapchizzle View Post
min a serious note, it’s the legal system (for the most part, barring any dumb drunk choices) that is the main worry. My parents have bailed me out of so much shit because I was the guy that always got caught growing up. Some of the stuff was fairly serious in the eyes of the law back then, but not so much nowadays. Let’s just say my record was pardoned because it all happened when I was in college...have a great job, etc, but it cost a good bit of $$$

good luck with your family. I have no kids and not sure I could put up with what my parents put up with.
Old 12-19-2019, 07:01 PM
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Hey Tuna,

I hope you are doing well. Still in MA?

My oldest who is now a junior in college caused me a lot of sleepless nights. He was, and is, an excellent student. He seems to have his shit together for now. The other two are just entering that age where I will have more sleepless nights.

We are fortunate, because there are plenty of his inner circle of friends that are on a very slippery slope. He drinks, smokes pot and vapes. Sounds a lot like myself and I suspect you at his age - less the vaping. Telling him he can't do it will not work. Taking a belt to him will make YOU feel like you are doing the right thing. That won't solve the problem.

It may sound easy, but trust me, it isn't. Spend some quality time with him, and both talk and LISTEN to him. Don't lecture him, but truly get to understand his perspective and what he thinks. Why does he hang out with his current group, why does he do drugs - alcohol, pot, vaping. Don't be surprised if he tells you he drinks because he sees you, Mrs. Tuna, and your friends doing it. Telling him that you can legally drink isn't the answer. He isn't naive, he probably picked up on conversations with you and your friends, that you did the same stuff he is doing when you were his age.

I know that you and your family have done well. Explain to him that you may have done what he is doing now, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself. You can provide him the opportunity, but if he wants what he has now, nice house, nice cars, etc; he needs to do the right things. It's OK to drink, do pot and vape, but you can't let it be the thing that defines you.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I do, second to being a spouse. It is a full time job, and I have made plenty of mistakes. When you don't set the right example or do the right thing, you need to be able to own it and talk about it.

We all have friends, other parents, bosses that we look up to. What is the one defining trait they all have. They are all approachable. They listen to you, and they are sincere and thoughtful in their response.

The one thing I constantly tell my kids, nothing is out of bounds when it comes to talking to me or my wife. As bad as they may think it is, we can't help them if we don't know about it.

Good luck, it isn't easy. I wish you and all parents luck. We can only do so much. Don't be afraid to ask for help when things get sideways.

Old 12-19-2019, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Unga Bunga View Post
I can't offer much other than I was a double handful at that age . Drugs , alcohol , arrested , etc...

One thing my mom and dad always said to me through that period I put them through was that regardless of what I thought at the moment , that they loved me and only had my best interest at heart . It didn't fully sink in right away but did make me feel better , while at the same time feel guilty for making them so sad .

In the end I turned out OK , and had the ultimate respect for my parents . We had a great relationship once I realized that they knew more than I did .
These are good words! I went through this with my oldest son and more, be prepared that your best efforts will fail. I never gave up even during the darkest times and let him know he was and is loved very much. Thrust me I did the belt, doors, grounding ect. Life was hell for the entire family But it's up to them and we can only do so much to help. My son is now a born again christian and trying to save me LOL. I'm am grateful everyday we are past those time and he is a great young man. Keep working on him, don't give up and let him know he is loved, not much more to it than that. That is hard as hell! Good luck.
Old 12-19-2019, 10:03 PM
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Tough situation indeed. Driving is an enormous responsibility and he is clearly demonstrating that he is in no way ready to assume that level of responsibility. Both a car and a driver's license should not even be a remote consideration until the bigger issues are settled.
Depression - if he's on prozac a health care professional considers him to be suffering from depression. Teenagers on antidepressants have a definite increased risk of suicide so antidepressants should be used judiciously. Not saying they are a bad idea, prozac may be something he really needs. But it should be prescribed by someone who is experienced in treating teenagers. Alcohol? Common to be taken by teenagers but also it is a depressant. Make sure therapist is aware that he is using it. Vaping? Two separate issues here. The first is that, although relatively rare, there is an alarming and growing number of teenage deaths relating to lung problems that may develop suddenly and seem to occur selectively in teenagers. CDC is working hard to root out the specific factors that are involved in this risk. The second vaping issue is that a very high percentage of teenagers who vape put THC in their pipes. There are some concerns that THC may be a critical component in the lung damage issue, but the THC use itself needs to be addressed as it also plays in with the depression. Make sure the therapist is aware of both the alcohol and vaping concerns. The therapist may noy share much information with you about your son, but patient condfidentiality is a one way street. Therapist may not be able to tell you what's going on with your son, but she can listen to what you wish to add to the picture. Let your son know that you will be informing the therapist about your concerns and that you don't expect her to tell you anything without his permission. Family counselling may be needed as well since trust issues between your son and you (both parents) go both ways in matters like this. You do not, and should not, trust him to make good decisions. And he may well feel that you are just out to "get him".
Old 12-20-2019, 01:38 AM
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Hello, being a parent is the most difficult job you´ll ever have. Depression among teens seems to be on the rise. I would not suggest that physical punishment is the way, I know it might have been the norm back in the day but violence just makes more violence and what you gonna do if one day he is violent in return or to someone else when punished, because that is the example he has been set. This is not some new age or liberal thinking either, at 15 whether we like it or not, they are young adults capable of rational thought and whaling on them with a belt won´t solve the problems.

Out of the 3, vaping IMHO is by far and aware the most damaging, there are so many of those liquids and what not that are imported from who knows where that contain who knows what, problem is they are much cheaper than buying cigarettes and on some level seen as cool, I tried one once and thought it was like inhaling plastic laced with air freshener. Drinking, alcohol is a depressant, I would hardly call stealing some beers the end of the world but being drunk or under the influence especially when not used to it has consequences. Pot, I wont be a hypocrite, I smoked weed back in the day, with no ill effects, laughed at something silly for a solid half and hour, I also suffered from insomnia for a while, it helped loads with that too, however, I knew where my pot came from, it wasn't laced with anything, smoking affects health in the long run. I have seen so many people change when they have been drinking, from being nice to being completely different. Never seen that on pot, although long term use and abuse makes people very boring and can make people paranoid. Also there is a danger of pot going around that is mixed with other stuff.

Perhaps a grown up conversation and saying that lying about is is the worst part. My father put up with almost everything except lying. Saying that you are worried as a parent and don´t want him to get into the kind of trouble that cannot be undone and will affect his future. Drug tests and no bedroom door just shows that you don´t trust him, give him the opportunity to change his ways, explain that you can only give advice from experience. As for the driving, remind him he will be in charge of the most dangerous of weapons and doing so whilst under the influence is hugely irresponsible, perish the thought, in the event of a police check or car accident, the consequences of being under the influence are very serious. As I said being a parent is the most difficult job, there is no instruction manual.
Old 12-20-2019, 02:45 AM
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Originally Posted by flcatcher1 View Post
Tough situation indeed. Driving is an enormous responsibility and he is clearly demonstrating that he is in no way ready to assume that level of responsibility. Both a car and a driver's license should not even be a remote consideration until the bigger issues are settled.
Depression - if he's on prozac a health care professional considers him to be suffering from depression. Teenagers on antidepressants have a definite increased risk of suicide so antidepressants should be used judiciously. Not saying they are a bad idea, prozac may be something he really needs. But it should be prescribed by someone who is experienced in treating teenagers. Alcohol? Common to be taken by teenagers but also it is a depressant. Make sure therapist is aware that he is using it. Vaping? Two separate issues here. The first is that, although relatively rare, there is an alarming and growing number of teenage deaths relating to lung problems that may develop suddenly and seem to occur selectively in teenagers. CDC is working hard to root out the specific factors that are involved in this risk. The second vaping issue is that a very high percentage of teenagers who vape put THC in their pipes. There are some concerns that THC may be a critical component in the lung damage issue, but the THC use itself needs to be addressed as it also plays in with the depression. Make sure the therapist is aware of both the alcohol and vaping concerns. The therapist may noy share much information with you about your son, but patient condfidentiality is a one way street. Therapist may not be able to tell you what's going on with your son, but she can listen to what you wish to add to the picture. Let your son know that you will be informing the therapist about your concerns and that you don't expect her to tell you anything without his permission. Family counselling may be needed as well since trust issues between your son and you (both parents) go both ways in matters like this. You do not, and should not, trust him to make good decisions. And he may well feel that you are just out to "get him".
Well said.
Old 12-20-2019, 03:15 AM
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I found it strange that Pot is a worry but Prozac is acceptable.

Anyways, good luck. Chances are he will be fine just like the 99.99% of every other teenager who has done the exact same thing. Including me.
Old 12-20-2019, 03:44 AM
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Gee...he did what me and my friends did when we was their age. OK...minus the "vaping"...because vaping wasn't around in the 70's and 80's. But we all snuck booz....took swigs of the hard liquor bottles and replaced with a bit of water, we smoked cigs, we smoked truckloads of pot..serous amounts. Turned out OK! Those mid teens are the age of curiosity...todays kids are just doing it a year or two or three earlier than us old people did.

Vaping...yes we're reading how it's bad for health, esp the cheap chinese non regulated crap. Sadly...>75% of the kids in high school today are doing it. We're dealing with our 16yo daughter and her entire circle of friends that we watched grow up with her and love 'em all like family.

I too am also scared of her doing pot...knowing todays pot is frequently laced with bad stuff, it's not like the pot I grew up with. I constantly have those talks with her. She's had some of her friends get sick from smoking those THC dap pens. She's admitted to trying it, but she's also scared of it now...I think we did our job. And that job never stops. We have randomly drug tested and she's come out good.

Lying? Hell most of us fibbed to our parents when we were kids. Doesn't excuse it...we got punished..and so should our kids when they lie to us. But IMO it's just usual teen stuff!

The depression is what I would focus on here. While most kids will experiment with pot...and a good % will continue to use it, those with "depression" may dive in deeper...mixing with booze and other drugs. THIS would have my attention. My drive would be to find the cure, not find ways to punish. Get involved....and get the kid involved with life. I'd be looking to find ways to get prozac outta there!
Old 12-20-2019, 03:54 AM
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^^ how can you say your ok. Your on THT
Old 12-20-2019, 04:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Boat Hound View Post

Long and short, he got a real life lesson on consequences of being a dumb ass. The challenge with teenagers is that they don't think it will ever happen to them, until it does. You can't make him change his behavior, but you need to explain you need to protect your interests.
the problem is that they don’t think it will happen to them, have (3) cousins of my wife and my brothers BIL all passed from Heroin OD , they believed narcan will save them, and all never believed it would happen to them. From the people in hospital and dying from vaping, in accidents DUI etc..... no one thinks will happen to them....

his actions may be normal and not lead to more or worse addictions or abuse, but need to make sure it doesn’t. My best man at my weddings son, started huffing paint and sniffing glue at about 12 , smoking, weed, alcohol under age, crack, oxy,then to heroin. Almost died and narcan saved him 6 times. Was still using. Stole his mother’s jewelry and other items from house for money, put them thru hell. Been in jail for 5-6 years now and in his upper 30’s now. Never really held a job for any extent...

I smoked weed & hash drank under age, tried acid, but saw where that got you and made my own decision to not piss my money away and liked stuff more than drugs, cigarettes or alcohol.

Another very good friend of mine “disowned” his grown son many years ago when was a crack addict and hit rock bottom and that hurt his son enough that quit cold turkey and is good now and been productive since, that worked with his situation

remember one time came home late totally TRASHED after curfew, wasn’t driving and Dad asked if been drinking and gave him a big YUP, was 3am and had bed spins and humming chunks, Dad got me back up at 6am to cut firewood, hold and haul logs while he ran chainsaw, lesson learned

Just be firm and no easy answer to what your going thru but seen it go both ways and all are different. Good luck and don’t give up on him,let him know your disappointed in his decisions but there for him if needed...

Last edited by Mak232; 12-20-2019 at 07:41 AM.
Old 12-20-2019, 05:17 AM
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Originally Posted by David2 View Post
I found it strange that Pot is a worry but Prozac is acceptable.

Anyways, good luck. Chances are he will be fine just like the 99.99% of every other teenager who has done the exact same thing. Including me.
the difference is prozac is a well regulated medication with very well formula for manufacturing, as well as very well known pros and cons and administered by a professional that is trained in the subject.

the pot on the other hand, well we know he got it from a friend who got it from a friend who got it from jose! in todays world, just dumb! todays pot is not the pot of the 70's and 80's!

and you damn sure can not trust anyone in the cutthroat world we live in today!
Old 12-20-2019, 05:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Cracker View Post
I will tell you this.....

I have a relative that just lost his 22 year old son a couple weeks ago..his death was directly drug related and HE STARTED OUT JUST SMOKING WEED TOO....

The problem with any drug (alcohol or illegal drugs) at that age they are too young to realize possible danger.....

Say what you want about pot but it is NOT just a innocent drug, it is no better, no worse than alcohol..

Also the fact the kid has the balls to keep it in his room is pretty telling..
Statistics never show, if it was actually pot or personality combined with the body's and brain's reaction to substances when it comes to pot being a gateway drug. Throughout my life I have met many types of folks some have used and many have not however I classify them very simply, you have the casual/social user, you have people that have issues with a particular substance or the potential and then you have the just put it my hand type, meaning if you put it in my hand I will take it. The latter is by far the biggest issue and through out my entire life it was always the ones with either a drinking problem or a weak mind that were the latter. I do not know many who turned there life upside down due to pot, I do know many who have destroyed their life and all around them via alcohol and other substances. The real problem we have in this country is prescription drugs and alcohol both are socially accepted by adults and promoted at great length. Please do not misunderstand me I am not condoning his behavior however pot is not the issue when it come to substance abuse.
Old 12-20-2019, 05:36 AM
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Lying, that is the main issue, get that worked out. As for the pot and alcohol, I would bet most teen try it. I never tried weed, but did have some beer occasionally until my dad caught me. I was 17 and he told me I was past the point of the belt and we were outside and he literally put the fear of god into me, and told me when I was out of the house I was free from his rules. My wife had a similar situation in HS. She and another girl smoked a joint at lunch and got caught. They got their butts paddled real good according to her, and when she took the note home her mom wore her backside out again, took her car away, and she rode the bus for a month as a Senior in HS. That was the last joint she ever smoked. That may not be the answer for everybody, but fear is a good motivator. I have been lucky to this point, my 16 year old son has been easy to raise so far. He knows the rules and expectations, and so far has followed them. He is also very active in athletics, and our small rural school drug tests the athletes and has a "0" tolerance policy. One strike and you are out of athletics. That alone keeps most of our local youth on the right track.
Old 12-20-2019, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by DrDanH View Post
Lots of posters with their own agendas: tough guy, survivor, rebel, braggart, free spirit, misfit, critic... typical THT.

OP: Your agenda is to protect your son. Govern yourself accordingly.
I believe the idea is fantastic however not practical. You will not always be there, Teach him critical thinking and leadership it will go much further than an outstretched wing.
Old 12-20-2019, 08:08 AM
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Get him a carton of Marlboros. probably safer than that vaping cannibus and other stuff they sell.
Old 12-20-2019, 08:21 AM
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Originally Posted by SeaJay View Post
Get him a carton of Marlboros. probably safer than that vaping cannibus and other stuff they sell.
the last 4 marlboro men have died of lung cancer! i have never heard of a camel with lung cancer and i have made the switch camel non filteredQ
Old 12-20-2019, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Cracker View Post
I am hearing all this about pot is not a problem... Here is a picture to remind you all this is all it takes for something to be laced with deadly amount of Fentanyl, don't say it doesn't happen either

I watched a documentary on drug dealers. They were talking about trying to get the users to WANT their drugs. All of the bags were marked with their "Brand"
They gave them names, stamped on the bags, that would appeal to the type of user they were selling to.
Every batch would have a few laced with Fentanyl so who ever randomly got them, they would OD.
The point was once the word got out to the users that someone died, they all wanted to buy THAT STUFF FROM THAT DEALER to get the ultimate high.
YES, THEY KNEW THEY WERE KILLING SOME OF THE USERS. The dealers were asked if it bothered them. They said, "NO. Just a part of being in business"


.
Old 12-20-2019, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Rolandt03 View Post
the last 4 marlboro men have died of lung cancer! i have never heard of a camel with lung cancer and i have made the switch camel non filteredQ
Didn't know there were more than one but the most famous one just died at a ripe old age. But he didn’t smoke.

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