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Teenage Son Vaping and Drinking

Old 12-19-2019, 09:57 AM
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Be the parent and require regular drug testing!
Old 12-19-2019, 10:00 AM
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There should be no driving, delayed for at least 6 months. If trust is earned back in 6 months, great. If not, then it's another 6 months.

The biggest issue here is LYING.
Old 12-19-2019, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by kennyboy View Post
Delay his driving each time you catch him. Do more breath checks, room checks, etc. Good luck.
Exactly... he lost your trust, the burden to regain it is on him...only way is to straight out his act
Old 12-19-2019, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Bigrodholder View Post
So, let me get this straight...your 16 y/o old son is smoking some pot and you're freaked the fawk out about it. My advice? Be cool about it and maybe he'll share some with you. You obviously need to chill a little. Hell, at sixteen, "a guy I know" was free basing heroin he got from a guy named Chico who lived in Toyota Corolla with three of his cousins...
Dad, is that you?

I didn't know that you were on THT. Call me!
Old 12-19-2019, 10:23 AM
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I did it when I was that age but never once got in trouble,finished high school with good grades, was a star(in my mind) Basketball player and had a great relationship with my parents. I only do it once in a while now if I need a good nights sleep or if I go fishing with a certain high school buddy. .
I'd prefer my son not do it but I feel that Alcohol is a much bigger threat to health and safety.
Old 12-19-2019, 10:32 AM
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He is the way he is as a result of your parenting. Too much time at the office and not enough time with him as he was growing up? Just asking.

Be a parent not a friend, he obviously doesnt fear your punishment and for good reason, guessing there was not much of it going on through the years.
Old 12-19-2019, 10:32 AM
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Make sure he isn't being what he see's instead of what he's hearing. Most of us with issues learn them from our parents, as they say..."We are our parent's children" . I know I was...BIG time.

Old 12-19-2019, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by aczaplicki View Post
Some of you boomers need to chill out. Maybe smoke some pot and have a drink with him. This is normal behavior for a teenager. We have all done this. The biggest problem that I see is that he feels the need to lie to you.
Maybe the lying, the depression, and substance use cannot be separated. Maybe the best course of action is to address all of the issues together. There's a really good chance those things are intertwined.

Keep in mind that a male's frontal lobe [that's part of the brain for the Clemson guys out there ] is not fully developed until around age 27.

FYI: That was not "normal" behavior for me. Based on the fact that this person is posting his concerns here probably means this is not "normal" for him either.

Last edited by JP 3; 12-19-2019 at 10:42 AM.
Old 12-19-2019, 10:39 AM
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My parents made me go to religious counseling for getting caught with pot a few times in high school, while making straight A's, playing sports, and working part time. Weed terrified them.

Now my dad asks me questions about weed as his doctors cut his Rx pain killers and muscle relaxers back. He voted against medical marijuana, but now that his doctors suggested it, he's off about 3/4 of his pain medicine and clearer headed than I've seen him in 5+ years. It's still funny how my parents are very open about any medication that helps them, but reefer madness has them so trained that they're very hush hush about a medical MJ card as if it's some evil thing to be embarrassed about.

Personally I'd have a ZERO tolerance policy for driving on alcohol or marijuana. I'd sit him down and explain that weed is a harmless drug if you're not driving with it. HOWEVER I would also explain that it's not legal, and because of that getting caught can wreck your life legally, far more than the drug it's self. Explain it's a dumb system, but it is what it is, and until it's changed don't risk your future. I'd focus on his grades, part time job, involvement with sports, etc. If those were all acceptable to me I would turn a blind eye to pot so long as he's spending the night at my or a friends house. What I would NOT want to do is lie to him about the dangers while telling him to not lie to me. The truth is always the best way.

Originally Posted by Cracker View Post
I am hearing all this about pot is not a problem... Here is a picture to remind you all this is all it takes for something to be laced with deadly amount of Fentanyl, dont say it doesnt happen either
I 100% agree with you, pot should be legalized and regulated so this doesn't happen. The absolute failure we call a war on drugs has created a problem that should not exist.
Old 12-19-2019, 11:15 AM
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Lots of interesting comments here. Some of them alarming.

For those who seemed to have been beaten and hit with belts- I guess my question is would you do this now to your son? How about a daughter?

Perhaps I am one of the "p*ssies" that one of the posters mentions above but I am not sure I'd hit a child at this point based on what the OP has provided about his son. All great to pound your chest and all but really? Would you beat a child for what the OP has described?
Old 12-19-2019, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Avid 24 View Post
Lots of interesting comments here. Some of them alarming.

For those who seemed to have been beaten and hit with belts- I guess my question is would you do this now to your son? How about a daughter?

Perhaps I am one of the "p*ssies" that one of the posters mentions above but I am not sure I'd hit a child at this point based on what the OP has provided about his son. All great to pound your chest and all but really? Would you beat a child for what the OP has described?

THT never misses an opportunity for the humble brag or to tough guy up, why should this thread be any different?

Anyone who thinks they’ve got parenthood perfected is most likely in for a surprise and the job never ends only becomes increasingly complex with less/ no ability to control variables.

What works for one kid or family may not work for another.

Even with success best not to forget “there but for the grace of God go I/we”.....

Last edited by Mpellet; 12-19-2019 at 04:34 PM.
Old 12-19-2019, 11:46 AM
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Kids living at home are not necessarily entitled to their own car, or even permission to use one of the other family cars, for sure if they are the sort that can not be trusted to do the right thing.

It would appear the OP's kid is not entitled to either. OTOH, some parents believe it is their children's inalienable right to have their own car to do with as they please. The OP and spouse have serious decisions to make.
Old 12-19-2019, 11:46 AM
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My parents were kihnda hippies, I got caught drinking beer and smoking weed, my folks offered to buy them for me, my mom even offered to buy condoms.

Fast forward 40 years… I’m a dad of a 20 yo and 18 yo, told my kids that if they wanted to try beer, they could have a beer with dad at the house. They both tried a sip, and nearly gaged, that was the first and last time. Ever since they were toddlers, we constantly reminded them that drugs were stupid, for weak minds and idiots, who needed a crutch to deal with life situations. It worked… neither smoke, drink, or do drugs, and really look down upon those that do.

It's kind of a bummer, as I'll never have a beer with my son... but I'm lucky compared to others.
Old 12-19-2019, 12:10 PM
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Sorry to hear about your son. Good to know my kids aren’t the only ones doing the exact same things.

In today’s world, pot is literally everywhere. Vaping is even more so, especially among teens. I’ve found the best deterrents are taking away privileges (cars, phones, etc), extra chores/work around the house, grounding, and making them spend their own money on these things, which can get pricey.

Just like with alcohol, there will be some kids who can’t handle it and will let it ruin their life. Others not so much and it’s either a phase or something they do recreationally. Hope and pray it’s the latter, because I don’t know how you stop it altogether.

Old 12-19-2019, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by MDHunter View Post
My parents were kihnda hippies, I got caught drinking beer and smoking weed, my folks offered to buy them for me, my mom even offered to buy condoms.

Fast forward 40 years… I’m a dad of a 20 yo and 18 yo, told my kids that if they wanted to try beer, they could have a beer with dad at the house. They both tried a sip, and nearly gaged, that was the first and last time. Ever since they were toddlers, we constantly reminded them that drugs were stupid, for weak minds and idiots, who needed a crutch to deal with life situations. It worked… neither smoke, drink, or do drugs, and really look down upon those that do.

It's kind of a bummer, as I'll never have a beer with my son... but I'm lucky compared to others.
I've found in multiple cases, when the activity is no longer taboo, it takes the fun/allure out of it. I mean, think about it, when do 'kids' all stop drinking? When they turn 21. It's been proven over and over again that raising the drinking age also raised the binge drinking rates of those 18-21. It's not cool if it's ok, it's def not cool if you can do it with your parents lol.
Old 12-19-2019, 01:01 PM
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I am so glad I never did any of that when I was in high school. My kids are 9, 8, and 3.....I am dreading the high school time. Mainly because when I was that age, the only thing getting caught made me do was get better at not getting caught... good luck.
Old 12-19-2019, 01:20 PM
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Went through it with my son at just the same age. We hit some real lows for a few years.
Now at 24 he’s doing very well for himself. Whatever path you take with your son DONT LOSE FAITH IN HIM
Old 12-19-2019, 01:30 PM
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Isn't that the age we all started smoking weed and drinking some.
Old 12-19-2019, 01:37 PM
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I think I read this on the first page. I did it, and it drove the kid nuts ! Take the bedroom door off !!!
It's your door, and your house.
Times have changed so much. My father would have kicked my ass, and thrown me out of the house, with no hesitation. That seemed to work for me.
There are slow learners out there. That would be the third son. They all turned around eventually. All of them are doing very well, with good jobs and families.
Now they are raising their own nightmares. They don't know that yet. That is the best part.
Old 12-19-2019, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Avid 24 View Post
Lots of interesting comments here. Some of them alarming.

For those who seemed to have been beaten and hit with belts- I guess my question is would you do this now to your son? How about a daughter?

Perhaps I am one of the "p*ssies" that one of the posters mentions above but I am not sure I'd hit a child at this point based on what the OP has provided about his son. All great to pound your chest and all but really? Would you beat a child for what the OP has described?
there is no right answer because every kid is different! for me a good ol arse whooping or even the thought of it did the trick. now my sister on the other hand, you could beat her into a coma and it wouldn't phase her. now take away phone privileges and her world was ending.

its not so much about what the actual punishment is, its more about finding what will disciplinary action gets the individuals attention, and the individual knowing you will follow through with it! once they no that it goes no farther than a smack on the wrist, you have lost all control! by the time the parent realizes it, it is way too late!

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