Notices

Teenage Son Vaping and Drinking

Old 12-19-2019, 09:06 AM
  #41  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bermuda
Posts: 1,601
Likes: 0
Received 69 Likes on 36 Posts
Default

Not very abnormal behavior but that doesn’t make it right. If friends dint change, nothing will and you can’t change them. Constant searching etc is just going to lead to better hiding spots and better lies....or ultimately just doesn’t care that you know.

Your relationship is one thing but ultimately I think he needs a job that takes up all of his free time. That’ll get him away from his friends and give him less time to get bored.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:06 AM
  #42  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: St. Augustine, Fl
Posts: 22,389
Received 4,477 Likes on 1,804 Posts
Default

I will tell you my experience having been a child and having been a cop and being asked to try and fix all kinds of family issue

My belief and childhood. Dad was always a little feared. The old man would not put up with any cr@p. You towed the line or there were consequences like no car, no extra curriculum stuff at school, no dating etc..

Been on numerous calls dealing with unruly kids and those with substance issues..

Friends are part of the issue
You have to rock their world with restrictions and keep tight control for a while.
Many parents started drug testing
if you dont stop it NOW, good luck it won't get better till he decides.
The driving card is your best leverage

In Florida, corporal punishment is still allowed. He probably is a little old but if you do it be stern and non regretful. He sounds like he is already headed down the road to substance abuse with the trifecta of weed, vape and alcohol


Good luck
Old 12-19-2019, 09:07 AM
  #43  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Miami
Posts: 250
Received 56 Likes on 39 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by jbros198 View Post
Remind him that not only is it but but it is illegal.Does he want you to come down on him or the police when he get's caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time. A young kid 15yrs old or so from my sons baseball team almost died a few months ago smoking pot that was laced with some sort of chemical, the kid had to be airlifted to the hospital and was in for over a month trying to recuperate. So stupid, my son already knows I would dis own him if he did anything so stupid, I hope he has the fear built into him at this point, he is 14.
^^This is most important. Pot won’t hurt him, a criminal record will for a long time. I was like your son 15 years ago at age 16 and caught some misdemeanors. National record-keeping for misdemeanors wasn’t as advanced back then and I don’t declare anything on job applications and nothing comes up. I’m sure that is different now and if he caught a charge in your state, then had a background check ran on him after college for a job in a state on the other side of the country, I bet it would surface. It’d put him at a disadvantage with so many college grads competing for the same entry level positions. Company would likely choose a candidate without a criminal record. Something to keep in mind!
Old 12-19-2019, 09:09 AM
  #44  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 1,349
Received 303 Likes on 205 Posts
Default

Wow, some of yall are a bunch of little pussies, and I bet im half the age of some of yall.

I'll tell you what straightened me up at that age. Not being "grounded." My ass and dads leather belt is what put me straight. The thing that kills me is that smartass comment I read "yeah, give him hell so he moves out and blah blah blah." To this day, I will tell anyone that getting that leather belt to my ass was the BEST thing my dad ever did to me, and I love that man like no tomorrow. That belt me taught me between right and wrong, and cant be more thankful for it.

Whip his ass. Weed, vape, and drinking are all stupid things that will lead from one to another and eventually will take a toll on him. Cancel driver ed until further notice, take down his door, take away what will hurt him most. And I promise you, not another day in his life will he have a blunt or vape pen in his hand. Once you realize hes straight, resume driver ed, remount door, etc.. And just tell him straight up, if you catch him one more time then THIS punishment was just the beginning.

That's the problem. Everyone is too scared to lay a hand on their own child. That's why there is all these dumbass kids everyone talks about these days, because their parents dont know what a leather belt can solve with an ass whupping. It's a slap on the wrist and "okay little Jimmy, dont let me catch you again or your grounded from Xbox." That is exactly what brought this generation to where it is

And let me add about the friends.. I dont know who these friends are hes hanging out with, but that's half the problem. My mom and dad always warned me about friends I brought over and how they aren't a good idea and what not.. And these days I 100% realize that and am thankful I cut them off. I surrounded myself with good intelligent friends that fish, hunt, and wanted to do something with their life, and they have been best friends since I've met them. Just remember, who ever you surround yourself with is who you are going to turn out to be. I'd suggest he find some smarter group of people

Good luck

Last edited by Manoverboard123; 12-19-2019 at 09:15 AM.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:12 AM
  #45  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,212
Received 1,340 Likes on 651 Posts
Default

Have. The talk with him..
marijuana, alcoholis a choice, for adults not children. You are still a child and will be until you come of age and finish school. Your actions will not be tolerated. You choose to test the waters and make adult decisions while still a child. For this reason you get to experience my adult decisions to control an unruly child.

now the fun begins.
I would drug test my kid that moment.
I would have a sit down with all of the kids parents he is hanging with bringing drug test with me to offer the parents to test the kid at the sit down.
I would have a sit down with the kids school and let them know what is going down and outline what I want from the educators. ( no excuses for the kid at this point)
I would close off all avenues to the drugs and alcohol.
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor would be brought up at all meetings.
you want this to stop you are going to have to put in the time to out manage the kids decisions.
my last stop would be the police station and let them have at him. They can lay it on pretty thick, considering the police will be mopping up the kids mess at 3 am.


Old 12-19-2019, 09:12 AM
  #46  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 7,066
Received 3,302 Likes on 1,902 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by t84a View Post
But the OP is ok with his son taking Prozac. I'll stop here.
i do not see any studies showing that pot is an effective and approved treatment for depression either! maybe pot laced with fentanyl is more effective in treating depression?
Old 12-19-2019, 09:13 AM
  #47  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tarpon Springs, FL
Posts: 8,814
Received 4,114 Likes on 2,343 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by ericinmich View Post
It's tough not knowing more, but no matter what you do if he still has the same friends it will be nearly impossible to change his path.

My oldest son, now 23, likely used pot from that age on (socially, not daily), just graduated from college and is making six figures with a bs degree. Pot is looked on like no different than alcohol by most youth at this point. Second kid in college doest touch any drugs, but does enjoy his beers.

To me what is the bigger picture. Is son on a good path and responsible (grades, sports, etc) or just getting by at school with no long term plan and goals.
ditto; I would be majorly concerned with the vaping, the rest not so much.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:14 AM
  #48  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 850
Received 412 Likes on 249 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by Rolandt03 View Post
i do not see any studies showing that pot is an effective and approved treatment for depression either! maybe pot laced with fentanyl is more effective in treating depression?
I highly doubt the kid is depressed. Miserable? Maybe.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:14 AM
  #49  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: St. Augustine, Fl
Posts: 22,389
Received 4,477 Likes on 1,804 Posts
Default

I am hearing all this about pot is not a problem... Here is a picture to remind you all this is all it takes for something to be laced with deadly amount of Fentanyl, dont say it doesnt happen either
Old 12-19-2019, 09:14 AM
  #50  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ray City, GA
Posts: 1,212
Received 269 Likes on 134 Posts
Default

OMG!! A TEENAGER DRINKING AND SMOKING POT!!! AAAAHHHHH!!! That's prolly the first time this has ever happened! bwhahahaa.

To the OP, my advice is to chill out a little. As others have asked, how is the kid otherwise? Grades? Job? Is he keeping up his other responsibilities?

I'm not saying turn a blind eye to everything but it sounds like you are a little worked up over this. I know I drank and did all kinds of stuff that age. Personally I would expect any teenager to experiment with these things.

Just remember the more YOU hate it and want to ban it, the more HE will want to do it. And if YOU say not to do it, it will make HIM want to do it even more.

You ask what he can do to regain your trust, from your position on the matter I don't think he ever had your trust. Have you been a hover/helicopter parent his whole life or is it just recently?

Bottom line, if it were me, quit telling the kid what to do, have a frank conversation with him, open some communication doors, quit closing them.

A teenager is gonna drink, they are gonna smoke pot, they are going to vape, they are gonna try ALL that stuff and more. I'm more prone to discuss things like if you are drinking don't EVER drive, call me, I'll come get you, no questions asked. Hell I'll cover for you and tell your friends I said you had to come home if you need to get out of a situation. If your kid was at a party drinking he couldn't call you b/c he knows you are a dickwad (your kids words not mine) and would get him in trouble, so he drives drunk, totals memaws car in the ditch and ends up with a ding on his driving record (luckily he gets out safe). You are basically driving him to do the things you are most afraid of him doing.

It's not the beer or the pot that hurt your life options, it's getting caught with them, put fear into him of even having them in his possession, the fear needs to be about making poor decisions that have long-lasting consequences. Make sure he understands that his choices/decisions can absolutely affect his life for the rest of his life. I tell stories all the time of how single poor decisions altered the path of peoples lives. Don't be afraid to use yourself as example, oh I forgot you never made any bad decisions in life right?

You are wanting to treat him like a stupid kid. And although YOU may think that way of him, I promise you he is a lot smarter than you think. And I promise you HE thinks he is more grown up than he is.

Last edited by rustybucket; 12-19-2019 at 09:44 AM.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:16 AM
  #51  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 7,066
Received 3,302 Likes on 1,902 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by t84a View Post
I highly doubt the kid is depressed. Miserable? Maybe.
post #17 states otherwise!
Old 12-19-2019, 09:19 AM
  #52  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: WI
Posts: 174
Likes: 0
Received 475 Likes on 267 Posts
Default

went through it with my son. he had the fun of waiting for me to decide to come get him from a county lockup at 16. he was caught at school. I let him sit a few hours hoping it would wake him up. it did to some extent, but you can't make them change their decisions.
there isn't a "right" answer. talk to him, tell him your concerns etc. sometimes the biggest help is knowing you (as a parent) aren't alone. my son was the first in his group to get caught. other parents were quick to point out all the things they did better. till their kids starting ending up in bad situations.

biggest thing I told my son was make sure your choices won't affect the rest of your life in a negative way.

yes belts hurt, and cars sitting sucks, but it won't make him change his mind. might make him better at hiding it.

Old 12-19-2019, 09:24 AM
  #53  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 460
Received 456 Likes on 230 Posts
Default

I can't offer much other than I was a double handful at that age . Drugs , alcohol , arrested , etc...

One thing my mom and dad always said to me through that period I put them through was that regardless of what I thought at the moment , that they loved me and only had my best interest at heart . It didn't fully sink in right away but did make me feel better , while at the same time feel guilty for making them so sad .

In the end I turned out OK , and had the ultimate respect for my parents . We had a great relationship once I realized that they knew more than I did .

Old 12-19-2019, 09:28 AM
  #54  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southwest Georgia
Posts: 199
Received 367 Likes on 217 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by aczaplicki View Post
Some of you boomers need to chill out. Maybe smoke some pot and have a drink with him. This is normal behavior for a teenager. We have all done this. The biggest problem that I see is that he feels the need to lie to you.
This!
I'm a boomer and raised 2 daughters successfully. I was truthful with them and asked that they be truthful with me.
He needs to realize that he can be honest with you no matter what, after that everything else can be worked out.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:34 AM
  #55  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location:
Posts: 170
Likes: 0
Received 296 Likes on 87 Posts
Default

So, let me get this straight...your 16 y/o old son is smoking some pot and you're freaked the fawk out about it. My advice? Be cool about it and maybe he'll share some with you. You obviously need to chill a little. Hell, at sixteen, "a guy I know" was free basing heroin he got from a guy named Chico who lived in Toyota Corolla with three of his cousins...
Old 12-19-2019, 09:36 AM
  #56  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: s.w. florida
Posts: 4,410
Received 388 Likes on 167 Posts
Default

Two boys 16 and 18. What worked for me was swift and harsh. Grades were down, good boy fiends gone and loser friends in place no interest in sports. Generally checked out. All boxes checked for pot head. I should know. That was me at their age. Cought them sneaking in late one night smelling of weed and I lost my temper. Rode the oldest down the stairs and tossed the younger one around a bit. Then we had a nice long chat. I let them know it wasn't the pot that I was mad about but everything that came with it. It was made clear I was disappointed in their downward path and I wished my dad had been able to beat me straight. He was very sick. Pretty sure that they still smoke occasionaly. But the Grades are all a's and b's they're kicking a** in life and playing sports again now. Even the friends improved.
The hard part is getting across the idea that your being such hard azz bastard because you love them. Once that gets across shit gets better.
good luck.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:43 AM
  #57  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,753
Received 245 Likes on 168 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by Cracker View Post
I am hearing all this about pot is not a problem... Here is a picture to remind you all this is all it takes for something to be laced with deadly amount of Fentanyl, dont say it doesnt happen either

Which is one of the main reasons pot needs to be legal and regulated.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:45 AM
  #58  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: cape cod
Posts: 393
Received 193 Likes on 76 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by Avid 24 View Post
OP I would take this offline and work on this with your son, family, therapist. This sound more serious to me than taking driving away, doors off, etc.
x 12 !!!!!!! Feel free to pm me, going through it now but ahead of you by some months. There is hope
Old 12-19-2019, 09:48 AM
  #59  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: The Great Sanctuary State of New Jersey
Posts: 2,704
Received 2,642 Likes on 1,366 Posts
Default

You can go into any pharmacy and buy test kits for all most anything from pot to opioids.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:57 AM
  #60  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Seacoast NH
Posts: 6,942
Received 1,814 Likes on 810 Posts
Default

Like others, I can only offer my experience. I caught my son driving high with his buddies. I suspected he was smoking pot, but had no proof and the reality was it didn't seem to be impacting school, friends or sports. I went out and bought a piss test to have on hand. He walked in the door looking high as a kite, I immediately pulled out the cup and said showed him the test. He fessed up. I told him he could have the car back when he was willing to take the test and pass. Long and short, 6 months go by and he is still refusing. Finally he gave in. Literally the second day with the car back he gets t-boned by a young girl who was hammered and ran a stop sign. He ended up being ok, but both cars were totaled. He watched the girl get cuffed in the ER and taken to a cruiser. He asked not to press charges, the cop explained that was not up to him.

Long and short, he got a real life lesson on consequences of being a dumb ass. The challenge with teenagers is that they don't think it will ever happen to them, until it does. You can't make him change his behavior, but you need to explain you need to protect your interests, which means no driving until there is a level of trust. The drug kits are cheap and at every pharmacy.

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.