Notices

Teenage Son Vaping and Drinking

Old 12-19-2019, 08:19 AM
  #21  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
240 LTS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Upper Chesapeake Bay
Posts: 22,045
Received 3,325 Likes on 1,425 Posts
Default

Lying, THAT needs to be fixed first.
Forget the other stuff for a moment. Talk to him about trust.
That no matters what happens in his life, and stuff will happen, YOU need to know that he is not lying to you.
This was key in raising my two kids.
Once that is understood, then start working on the other things in calm discussion.
How you handle issues will be remembered by him.


.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:20 AM
  #22  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Middle Sound NC
Posts: 1,690
Received 727 Likes on 386 Posts
Default

Take him on a road trip with you between Christmas and New Years.

Talk to him openly and honestly about his decisions and how they could affect his life going forward. DO NOT tell him that he will get caught, never get into college, never get a good job, etc....explain the real world, not the one from the Bible.

It's not something to freak out about at this time, but you do need to talk and let him know that you are there and not going to punish him for telling you the truth going forward.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:26 AM
  #23  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Ayaz Beach
Posts: 1,267
Received 302 Likes on 177 Posts
Default

And be prepared for your best efforts to fail.

It took a night in jail and the consequent legal fees to get me to stop smoking pot.
My father made me pay the lawyer.
But this was in the 80’s. I was 18 or 19.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:27 AM
  #24  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Virginia Beach
Posts: 1,023
Received 218 Likes on 130 Posts
Default

I am no child psychologist and I can only relate my experience to you.

When I was a teenager, we pretty much drank all of my Dad's beer all the time. Sometimes, we would even get into the liquor stash. So, I wouldn't worry so much about your son getting into the beer supply. Kids are gonna try these things whether you like it or not.

Fast forward to modern times and I flat out told my kids ( I have two boys who are now 19 and 22) that there was nothing that I could do to keep them from experimenting with alcohol, cigarettes or even pot. I encouraged them to be responsible and use their heads when doing stupid stuff like this. I also remind them frequently that every stupid event in my life could be traced back to alcohol and to keep that in mind at all times and learn from my mistakes.

Every chance I get, I point out to my kids (in the news and YouTube) the stupid, unsuccessful and generally unhappy people who drink, use drugs and smoke pot as a lifestyle and I try to open their eyes to the fact that these are dead end roads in life when abused.

"Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son" (name the movie?) I use this quote all the time with my kids!

Kids need limits and they need supervision in order to be successful. However, try not to push them over the edge by being too authoritarian. Hopefully, your son respects you as a parent and does not want to disappoint you. If so, feel free to let him know how disappointed you are that he feels the need to hide things like this from you and let him know that you are there for him and you can talk about anything with him.

I hope this helps in some way and good luck.

Oh, and one more thing, please make sure your son understands the ramifications of driving while impaired. Do whatever it takes to help him understand how bad this can be. This is one thing that you can go overboard with! I used to send my kids news articles about drunk driving fatalities just to scare some sense into them!

Last edited by ronyon1; 12-19-2019 at 08:47 AM.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:33 AM
  #25  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,997
Received 920 Likes on 560 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by Tuna Colada View Post
Thanks for the replies so far. As for the first incident, he was kicked out of summer camp and we decided that the embarrassment was punishment enough if he promised to stay on the straight and narrow. I can't say I like the path he is on right now although he is doing well enough in school. He has been dealing with some depression issues and has withdrawn from a lot of his local friends. He has a long distance girlfriend who he spends hours talking to in his room. We know she also smokes pot and is a year younger than him. He has been begging to have her come to visit and there is no way that is happening now. I wasn't keen on the idea to begin with. He has started seeing a therapist and taking Prozac which seems to have improved his mood and attitude. I am wary of bringing the house down on him now and sinking him into a deeper depression. We will be consulting his therapist today to get her feedback also.
OP I would take this offline and work on this with your son, family, therapist. This sound more serious to me than taking driving away, doors off, etc.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:35 AM
  #26  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Toms River, NJ
Posts: 168
Received 38 Likes on 22 Posts
Default

Some of you boomers need to chill out. Maybe smoke some pot and have a drink with him. This is normal behavior for a teenager. We have all done this. The biggest problem that I see is that he feels the need to lie to you.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:40 AM
  #27  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 140
Received 11 Likes on 10 Posts
Default

I have already been there and this is my best advice
Have him tested for anxiety as he may be using to self medicate
Breathalyzer in his vehicle until he's on his own out of your house. Offer to pay for it thereafter.
prefer him to smoke pot then drink any day
pray he dosnt do both at the same time as today's pot is super strong mixed with booze
Old 12-19-2019, 08:41 AM
  #28  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Mt. Pleasant, SC
Posts: 133
Likes: 0
Received 29 Likes on 12 Posts
Default You got this.

I am sorry, that I cannot provide much in the way of guidence.

This is my biggest fear as a parent... Mine has always called me a "fixer." That's because I can fix stuff - cars, boats, furniture, etc.

Since they were old enough to understand, I have told them that I can fix lots of stuff - but I cannot fix those problems. For some, those problems require professional help and can require a lifetime commitment.

Whenever, I see something like this article, I try to share it:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...ia/4168315002/

I am not going to argue the validity of the contents of the article. What I would take away from this article is that these "harmless" drugs [like weed according to many here], affect different people in different ways.

One thing that a retired minister and current professional counselor told me is that if someone is abusing drugs, other psychological problems are impossible to address. Try your hardest to get him off of the stuff. He needs clarity and that stuff is clouding his outlook.

My prayers go out to you and your boy. The good thing is that you care and as long as you’ve got that in the mix, there is hope. Chances are he is going to fine. In the meantime, work damned hard to help him.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:44 AM
  #29  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Waxhaw NC
Posts: 264
Received 100 Likes on 30 Posts
Default

Take him to AA meeting and let him decide from there. The best you can do from my experience.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:44 AM
  #30  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Satellite Beach, FL
Posts: 10,745
Received 853 Likes on 410 Posts
Default

Out of everything that you described the only thing I would worry about is the depression , Prozac and reclusive behavior.

Old 12-19-2019, 08:46 AM
  #31  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Bluffton,SC
Posts: 1,179
Received 64 Likes on 41 Posts
Default

His punishment should be for lying about the stuff, not doing it. Remember that it is far better to KNOW what is going on than to find out later. By inviting him to be honest, and encouraging that trust, you have to make sure that he KNOWS the behavior while unacceptable, is not why he is being punished.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:47 AM
  #32  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 7,054
Received 3,300 Likes on 1,900 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by t84a View Post
You can't be serious.
serious as a heart attack! my house my rules and you depend on me to live since he is not of age! the old its just a little pot was fine in the old days when it was just good ol pot! now days you cant trust who your getting it from or what exactly is in it!

i personally dont believe in smoking pot, my choice! when your of age and can financially support yourself, your free to do as you please! until then my house my rules still apply!
Old 12-19-2019, 08:48 AM
  #33  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: SOBX
Posts: 632
Received 1,062 Likes on 351 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by Tuna Colada View Post
Thanks for the replies so far. As for the first incident, he was kicked out of summer camp and we decided that the embarrassment was punishment enough if he promised to stay on the straight and narrow. I can't say I like the path he is on right now although he is doing well enough in school. He has been dealing with some depression issues and has withdrawn from a lot of his local friends. He has a long distance girlfriend who he spends hours talking to in his room. We know she also smokes pot and is a year younger than him. He has been begging to have her come to visit and there is no way that is happening now. I wasn't keen on the idea to begin with. He has started seeing a therapist and taking Prozac which seems to have improved his mood and attitude. I am wary of bringing the house down on him now and sinking him into a deeper depression. We will be consulting his therapist today to get her feedback also.
Correct course of action. This sounds like the substance use may be a symptom of a bigger issue (depression or some other mood disorder?). He does need to earn your trust by a series of consistent, clean drug tests, and compliance with treatment recommendations from his providers. Good luck!
Old 12-19-2019, 08:52 AM
  #34  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Martin County Florida formerly Palm Beach County
Posts: 12,237
Received 2,841 Likes on 1,588 Posts
Default

in 2 years he will be smoking all the pot he can afford, same with the beers.

Get him a job in construction. The depression will go away because he will be too tired or busy to think about it. He will see first hand what drugs and alcohol can, and will do to a person. In highs school, I worked around the guys who got paid on Mondays for a few weeks, that was all I needed to see of that.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:53 AM
  #35  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,973
Received 3,686 Likes on 1,678 Posts
Default

My dad removed the door from my bedroom until he could trust me again. It was pretty effective. Also you may want to start checking your router logs to see what he is doing online.
Old 12-19-2019, 08:54 AM
  #36  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Harsens Island, MI
Posts: 67
Received 29 Likes on 15 Posts
Default


Old 12-19-2019, 08:55 AM
  #37  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,750
Received 243 Likes on 166 Posts
Default

Originally Posted by aczaplicki View Post
Some of you boomers need to chill out. Maybe smoke some pot and have a drink with him. This is normal behavior for a teenager. We have all done this. The biggest problem that I see is that he feels the need to lie to you.
Boomers are the ones who invented pot smoking...google Woodstock for reference...you got the wrong generation Millennial.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:00 AM
  #38  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 91
Received 795 Likes on 347 Posts
Default

He lied to you because he doesn’t trust you.

you can’t punish someone who wants to smoke pot into not wanting to smoke pot. Take his driving away. Tell him he can’t see his girlfriend. See how that works.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:02 AM
  #39  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 847
Received 412 Likes on 249 Posts
Default

But the OP is ok with his son taking Prozac. I'll stop here.
Old 12-19-2019, 09:04 AM
  #40  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Weymouth, Ma.
Posts: 2,444
Received 496 Likes on 311 Posts
Default

When he does get behind the wheel make sure he has insurance in his own name and pays for it himself. You don't need the ambulance chasers having you as a target. I guess this should apply to all teenagers when they get their first car.

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.