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Interview process and starting to get cold feet

Old 11-21-2019, 10:30 PM
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Default Interview process and starting to get cold feet

I am progressing through a interview process with a major west coast city. I live in Seattle and the move would be a struggle for my family. The opportunity would be great, not for the financials, just for the work. The financials would be a wash.

I have not received an offer, but I have had 3 interviews (HR, panel with high level execs in person, conference call with director/deputy level people) Immediately after the conference call HR asked for my references, transcripts etc. I am pretty sure that I have been selected. This is not my first government gig, I am familiar with government processes.

I am starting to get queasy about the move and disruption to my family.. Do I tell them now or just wait till to make a final decision if I was to receive an offer?
Old 11-21-2019, 10:41 PM
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Withdraw your name now and tell them why.
Old 11-21-2019, 11:15 PM
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You started the process for a reason, therefore I think you owe it to yourself to see it to the end and see what their offer will be. Your refusal tomorrow will land on their desk just the same as it would today.
Old 11-22-2019, 12:36 AM
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You mention "Great opportunity", and "Disruption to family". Which outweighs the other? Does the opportunity have the potential to advance your career long-term? If so, that could benefit your family. How does your Wife feel about it?
Old 11-22-2019, 01:09 AM
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That is quite a "bomb" to drop on your family if you accept the position. I would have cleared the decks by getting the families buy-in to relocate before you applied. Maybe they are used to it.

Anyway, good luck to you.
Old 11-22-2019, 03:43 AM
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By family, I assume wife and kids. If they haven't been in the loop, then this cannot end well. IMHO.
Old 11-22-2019, 04:30 AM
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If you’re family isn’t on board you need to tell them now you can’t take the job. It takes a great deal of time and money to go through the whole process, offer you the job and then you say no thank you. Sorry but this pisses me off because I have been the hiring company and am always amazed by people saying they decided not to relocate even though you knew from the beginning where the job was.
Old 11-22-2019, 04:36 AM
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Like others have indicated your family has to be on board first. If they are, it's not uncommon to feel "queasy" about a change of jobs and relocation. There have been numerous studies relative to top stressors in life and changing jobs and/or relocation are always in the top 5. I'd see the process thru to the end at this point and then make a call -- if you're family is on board.
Old 11-22-2019, 04:51 AM
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That little voice in the back of your head is your weak part of your ego speaking fear and dought..... perfectly normal....wether you can suppress it and focus on the goal is another
allowing that to creep in will influence you and reflect greatly
You are either all in or you will not necessarily fail...you will not have the best of "it" if at all.......
Along with everyone

Over and next concept I live by
Put the past away....it is over
Present is your future....embrace it - TAKE IT
Old 11-22-2019, 05:41 AM
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It’s not clear from your post - have you not told your family yet about the job, or not told the prospective employer about your family concerns?
Old 11-22-2019, 06:12 AM
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moving in general is stressful, with a family even more so. especially in the beginning when you are thinking about it. However once it is done, it is almost never as bad as you thought it would be.
it is a great opportunity that may lead to even better things, go for it. tell your family your concerns and how you plan to handle each one. explain what it means to you to have their support and that it is a great opportunity for you all as a family.
Old 11-22-2019, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by avenger79 View Post
moving in general is stressful, with a family even more so. especially in the beginning when you are thinking about it. However once it is done, it is almost never as bad as you thought it would be.
it is a great opportunity that may lead to even better things, go for it. tell your family your concerns and how you plan to handle each one. explain what it means to you to have their support and that it is a great opportunity for you all as a family.

This is spot on.
Old 11-22-2019, 06:18 AM
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You started the process for a reason, see it through. Your mind may change when you have the offer in hand but as of right now you don’t have an offer so you don’t have anything to worry about.

As for the family, will it be better for them? Will you be less stressed, be around more to help around the house and spend time with them? What does the new location offer that your current location is lacking in?

The other thing to consider is the stability. If we have another 08 crash type recession how will your fair in your current job? Government jobs are pretty stable which may end up being a huge advantage over the rest of your working days. I’m 38 years old and already tired of the instability of the private sector.
Old 11-22-2019, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by bakerjw View Post
By family, I assume wife and kids. If they haven't been in the loop, then this cannot end well. IMHO.
This...

I sure hope the “do I tell them now” means in reference to you thinking you have the job. I really hope it doesn’t mean “I haven’t mentioned anything to them yet, should I tell them now we may be packing up and moving”. one may be jumping the gun but should be a conversation, the other probably won’t go well.

My wife decided to chase her dream. She applied to medical school and got in. It required us to move 100 miles away from friends and family, to a more expensive area (crazy to even think that). We discussed this happening long before interviews and acceptance. Had she sprung it on me after getting in... things would be much different. Our disruption was worth her move.

Would your happiness be worth their disruption/move?
Old 11-22-2019, 07:33 AM
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"Generally speaking" why is so many here implying a child's wants and wishes are going to override the bill payer decisions to provide for his family? I see the concerns when it comes to the wife and her career but "generally speaking" a child is just another suitcase that gets toted along.
Old 11-22-2019, 07:51 AM
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My son, daughter in law, and grandson live there and love the place. Keep in mind that real estate costs more there.

As for moving keep in mind an idea zig zigler stated.... Most every successful person he met had to move at least once in his career because of his job. Something about the commitment and having to make it work.

Definitely hang in there to hear the offer. Nothing ventured nothing gained!!
Old 11-22-2019, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Saltydawg15 View Post
If you’re family isn’t on board you need to tell them now you can’t take the job. It takes a great deal of time and money to go through the whole process, offer you the job and then you say no thank you. Sorry but this pisses me off because I have been the hiring company and am always amazed by people saying they decided not to relocate even though you knew from the beginning where the job was.
When not everything is on the table to allow the individual to weigh everything out, that’s what happens. If companies sped their process up to make a complete offer, that might not happen.

There’s lots of reasons people say no. I understand the frustration but make sure it’s not from your process.
Old 11-22-2019, 10:00 AM
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Of course my family is in the loop. Wife is supportive, kids are 10, so they are a bit concerned, but they are young.
Old 11-22-2019, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Lorne Greene View Post
You started the process for a reason, see it through. Your mind may change when you have the offer in hand but as of right now you don’t have an offer so you don’t have anything to worry about.

As for the family, will it be better for them? Will you be less stressed, be around more to help around the house and spend time with them? What does the new location offer that your current location is lacking in?

The other thing to consider is the stability. If we have another 08 crash type recession how will your fair in your current job? Government jobs are pretty stable which may end up being a huge advantage over the rest of your working days. I’m 38 years old and already tired of the instability of the private sector.
My current and future jobs are both government.. Both very stable... with defined benefit pensions.
Old 11-22-2019, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by IMPLiberty View Post

This...

I sure hope the “do I tell them now” means in reference to you thinking you have the job. I really hope it doesn’t mean “I haven’t mentioned anything to them yet, should I tell them now we may be packing up and moving”. one may be jumping the gun but should be a conversation, the other probably won’t go well.

My wife decided to chase her dream. She applied to medical school and got in. It required us to move 100 miles away from friends and family, to a more expensive area (crazy to even think that). We discussed this happening long before interviews and acceptance. Had she sprung it on me after getting in... things would be much different. Our disruption was worth her move.

Would your happiness be worth their disruption/move?
Nah, My family is in the loop, I am talking about the future POTENTIAL future employer. Its a jump in responsibility/visibility

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