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Alcohol and wife

Old 08-24-2019, 09:45 AM
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Default Alcohol and wife

Long time member new account so my wife canít track this. My alcohol consumption had grown to near daily. I was not getting drunk but it was taking more and more to get a small buzz. This was most nights 930pm after kids in bed and I just wanted to relax. Tolerance grew and I was drinking a decent amount just to get any feeling. I knew it was getting to be too much and it came to a head with my wife about a month ago. I was lying, making excuses for what I was drinking. She could smell it and would ask me if I had a drink and I would lie and say no.

I havenít had anything to drink in 30 days to prove to her (and honestly myself) that I could quit. It was not hard, although breaking the mere habit of a drink was harder than the feeling itself. We agreed after 30 days that having a drink only on weekends could resume. That was last night, and I poured a cup of wine. She insisted I measure the amount which was 12oz, 2 servings which she then insisted was excessive. 930pm kids in bed nothing to do last night or today.

She then hen calls me an alcoholic and that nothing has changed or will change. I didnít drink the wine I poured it out. The some degree I get her point, to a larger degree I feel like she is trying to control me like a child. I am not irresponsible, alcohol does not interfere with me being a great father. I work hard make great money cook clean do laundry and bust my ass for my family. I do like a drink at the end of the day to relax.

Where I was with drinking was excessive and I needed to hit reset. It is also clear that my wife doesnít want to hear my side; she would rather judge me and tell me what is and isnít acceptable. We arenít speaking at the moment which was not my intention or desire. At this point I donít even want to drink, but I do need some way to let off a little stress.

Thats long enough to start. Where does it go from here fellas...
Old 08-24-2019, 09:47 AM
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Your next wife will be more tolerant.
Old 08-24-2019, 09:53 AM
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I think "fishtoons" is correct.

You sir have a wife problem not a drinking problem.
Old 08-24-2019, 09:57 AM
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She's building a case to dump you. And take 1/2.
Old 08-24-2019, 09:59 AM
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Ask her to help in relieving your stress
Old 08-24-2019, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by aFORDable View Post
You sir have a wife problem not a drinking problem.
This. There is something else going on. Maybe complaining about the drinking was an easy way for her to be mad at you for something else that she doesn't want to bring up. Time to find out what is really wrong. By the way a serving of wine is 5 ounces, not 6 lol...

Old 08-24-2019, 10:00 AM
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Yeah usually it's not this cut and dry but your wife sounds pretty judgemental and hateful.

Doesn't sound like you have an alcohol problem at all. Two glasses of wine is pretty normal for me on a weeknight.

It's really not a big deal. The only question I would have is how much are you drinking on an average evening? If it's 4 or 5 vs 1 or 2...maybe that's excessive. But depends on who you ask.

Either way...wife is a buzzkill.

Old 08-24-2019, 10:00 AM
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you went 30 days. Sheís building a case. I have some money no one knows about but me, Iíd suggest the same
Old 08-24-2019, 10:01 AM
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In the rooms of AA, we believe only you can say if you're an alcoholic. And we say that only you can change you. No amount of her bitching will make any difference whatsoever.
While there are always two sides to every story she sounds like a B to me.

If it was me I'd say "If you think I'm an alcoholic will you please go to Al- Anon"!

On the flip side just because you canput it down and stop drinking now and then means nothing. You might still have issues and be a mean bastard to live with. I went to the rooms to help survive my divorce and it changed my life for the better times 100
Old 08-24-2019, 10:02 AM
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I don’t deny my consumption was getting excessive. When you start internet searching how much alcohol before liver damage that’s a bad sign. I was there. I am trying to work on it and I do not want a stupid thing like alcohol to ruin a relationship. Likewise I see others freely enjoying spirits and I have a hard time understanding what exactly my ‘problem’ is. Drinking to intoxication and passing I can understand of course. I haven’t gotten drunk in months if not years. I could pop some Xanax like everyone else but I don’t see how that is any different. Boils down to her saying I have broken her trust. She is not one to forgive much so alas we find ourselves at this impass
Old 08-24-2019, 10:02 AM
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I was married to a hard core alcoholic. Your original post sounds almost identical to what she would say.
Old 08-24-2019, 10:05 AM
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Before I quit for good, I gave it up for over a year, and I started back, a couple of drinks here and there with the boys when I enjoyed them the most. Before long though I was right back where I was when I laid off.

You very may well not have the same problems I had (or have?) . I got tired of the lies too, but more to myself, I found myself lying to myself way to often when I finally gave it up. Only you know for sure, and the wife may just nag about something else if it isn't this. I don't know you, and I don't know her. Be true to yourself, if the time comes? You will know it, the issue is, what will you do if you do find yourself there. Good luck Reel
Old 08-24-2019, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Reelsporty View Post
Long time member new account so my wife canít track this. My alcohol consumption had grown to near daily. I was not getting drunk but it was taking more and more to get a small buzz. This was most nights 930pm after kids in bed and I just wanted to relax. Tolerance grew and I was drinking a decent amount just to get any feeling. I knew it was getting to be too much and it came to a head with my wife about a month ago. I was lying, making excuses for what I was drinking. She could smell it and would ask me if I had a drink and I would lie and say no.

I havenít had anything to drink in 30 days to prove to her (and honestly myself) that I could quit. It was not hard, although breaking the mere habit of a drink was harder than the feeling itself. We agreed after 30 days that having a drink only on weekends could resume. That was last night, and I poured a cup of wine. She insisted I measure the amount which was 12oz, 2 servings which she then insisted was excessive. 930pm kids in bed nothing to do last night or today.

She then hen calls me an alcoholic and that nothing has changed or will change. I didnít drink the wine I poured it out. The some degree I get her point, to a larger degree I feel like she is trying to control me like a child. I am not irresponsible, alcohol does not interfere with me being a great father. I work hard make great money cook clean do laundry and bust my ass for my family. I do like a drink at the end of the day to relax.

Where I was with drinking was excessive and I needed to hit reset. It is also clear that my wife doesnít want to hear my side; she would rather judge me and tell me what is and isnít acceptable. We arenít speaking at the moment which was not my intention or desire. At this point I donít even want to drink, but I do need some way to let off a little stress.

Thats long enough to start. Where does it go from here fellas...
Alcohol is interfering enough that your wife notices it and it bothers her. It is interfering enough for you to start this thread. I quit drinking over 20 years ago. I tried the measuring, only on weekends route, it doesn't work. You are in denial. If you value your life with your wife and family, get some help. This won't get better.
Old 08-24-2019, 10:06 AM
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Not taking sides but we/I donít know from what position ur wife is coming from? You may get loud or bad behavior after a few drinks. She might genuinely be scared. It is also very scary to be partnered w an alcoholic.

It is is a real problem.

Look at marriage. Get counseling to get to bottom of conflict and why you feel defensive or the need to drink every night


i can tell you one thing 100%
alcohol is bad on personal and relationship every w every day use. It is a slippery slope. And there tho gs we think we can do and stop but we can not after a couple drinks

what is more important marriage or alcohol ?

does your wife come from an alcoholic family as a kid?
Old 08-24-2019, 10:06 AM
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Your post was so similar to my situation I could have wrote it....from where ur post ended...my marriage continued to slide...she became very controlling and nasty....began speaking poorly of me to her friends....i was committed to stay in marriage until kids were in college...never made it that far...she served me papers 1 yr later....i am now drama free
Old 08-24-2019, 10:11 AM
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Way more to this story.....your family needs help.....get some....always two or three sides to each story....
Old 08-24-2019, 10:16 AM
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Alcohol never helped anyone do better.
Old 08-24-2019, 10:22 AM
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Genuinely interested to follow this thread. Dealing with a similar situation from the other side with my wife, but itís not two drinks. More like drunk one night, sober next... wash rinse repeat. Almost at that point of thinking ď just through collegeĒ. Sad.
Old 08-24-2019, 10:26 AM
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Pic of wife.......
Old 08-24-2019, 10:28 AM
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I think she had an uncle (biological aunts husband) who was a true binge drinking blackout drunk. He also cheated on her aunt. I was accused of cheating early on because I got to work at 8am when I didn’t have to be there until 830. That’s because I stopped for coffee. Which she knew about, and liked to read watch gun videos, whatever before work. During the blow up 30 days ago I was essentially accused of questionable behavior with one of my employees, much younger than myself, because we sent texts back and forth. Never anything even remotely inappropriate but she questioned it none the less. Mostly jokes about work etc.

i do not and am not trying to make excuses for my behavior. I value my wife family and relationship way more than a drink.i have asked her to go talk to someone as I often feel like I am the vent for all of her stress. I can’t take my own stress, her stress, and 2 toddlers without some type of escape. This does not mean blackout drinking. For example, I have started hitting a dozen golf balls before work every morning. She got pissed about that when I was in a slight rush one am to get to work so I could hit balls for 5 mins. I was chewed out about going to the gym for 1 hour when I said I would be gone for 45 mins. It seems like every damn thing

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