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Ever been to an Al anon meeting? Your opinions?

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Ever been to an Al anon meeting? Your opinions?

Old 05-27-2019, 05:10 AM
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Default Ever been to an Al anon meeting? Your opinions?

they are For families/friends etc of people fighting drug or Narcotic addiction? I went to just one- they say you need to go to at least 6 before deciding if it is for you. There seem to be many groups around and they are free.

I was put off by the higher being talk- seems the higher being maybe gave you a brain and cant guide everyones personal problems.
And
they dont seem to address how to get or encourage the addicted person to change- if thats even possible, as al anon is for the families/ friends.

Opinions on it?
.
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Old 05-27-2019, 05:36 AM
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You need to go a couple more times because you "didn't get it".

They do not promote a religion but do recognize there is something better than ourselves out there (you can call that GOD, Allah, or whatever you wish).
Al Anon is NOT going to tell you how to fix the person.......however they will help YOU accept the situation and guide you on how YOU deal with it.
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Old 05-27-2019, 06:14 AM
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Whether you believe there is "something better" is not important in an addiction situation. The lesson to learn is that you cannot change another's behavior or solve their addiction problems, but you can adjust your response and attitude.
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Old 05-27-2019, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by edwardh1 View Post
they are For families/friends etc of people fighting drug or Narcotic addiction? I went to just one- they say you need to go to at least 6 before deciding if it is for you. There seem to be many groups around and they are free.

I was put off by the higher being talk- seems the higher being maybe gave you a brain and cant guide everyones personal problems.
And
they dont seem to address how to get or encourage the addicted person to change- if thats even possible, as al anon is for the families/ friends.

Opinions on it?
.
I've gotta young guy I'm trying to mentor,,he's going to AA and has the same religious concerns. Really turned him off. He did find a group which emphisised "higher being" less. Not all of us need to rely on a "higher being" to explain the unexplained.
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Old 05-27-2019, 06:26 AM
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Originally Posted by hevysrf View Post
Whether you believe there is "something better" is not important in an addiction situation. The lesson to learn is that you cannot change another's behavior or solve their addiction problems, but you can adjust your response and attitude.
This, times 100.

Having been married to an alcoholic, pill abusing manipulative person, a couple of these meetings gave me insight into their issues, and how little I could do about it. For me, it wasn't as much a support system or group, but a source of information that was was very helpful in determining my own way forward. When they shared just what % of addicts and alcoholics were sober 1 and five years after rehab, it was eye opening, and I realized just how much data was available on the topics. It also helped me understand the person, and I am grateful for the time I was part of that setting, but glad not to be involved anymore either.
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Old 05-27-2019, 07:12 AM
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Originally Posted by hevysrf View Post
Whether you believe there is "something better" is not important in an addiction situation. The lesson to learn is that you cannot change another's behavior or solve their addiction problems, but you can adjust your response and attitude.
Bingo. It is about learning to love the addict but hate the addiction as well as education about how certain behaviors enable the addict to continue. Loving detachment us the term. Some Al-anon people are a bit over the top but the basic premise is correct. The addict will never change if there is a codependent relationship and the ability to manipulate relationships for continued use. Give it a few more tries and understand that you can only change your part of this relationship. The addict is going to lie, cheat and steal to continue on until they either get arrested, institutionalized, dead or find recovery on their own. You cant make a person recover, they have to want it. They need to surrender to the idea that their lives are unmanageable and no human can relieve them of their issues, only a higher power.

I would be glad to discuss this offline. PM me if so inclined.
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Old 05-27-2019, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by billinstuart View Post
I've gotta young guy I'm trying to mentor,,he's going to AA and has the same religious concerns. Really turned him off. He did find a group which emphisised "higher being" less. Not all of us need to rely on a "higher being" to explain the unexplained.
Have him pick up the AA big book and read the chapter to the agnostic. The "religious thing" is really just an excuse not to work on getting better. You can believe in God, Allah, your family that has passed or the flying spaghetti monster. But you have to accept that self will and discipline alone is not enough. It's like going underwater.... some people can hold their breath for a long time but eventually they will come up for air. When that happens things get even more fucked up. Been there, done that.
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Old 05-27-2019, 10:16 AM
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I was forced to go by a judge once or twice in my youth. Wasn’t an alcoholic, but got in some trouble. Wife’s sister went due to her issues (on her own) and has been sober for over a decade. Just recognize what is..
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Old 05-27-2019, 10:51 AM
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I went with a friend multiple times I have a brother who really likes to do drugs for some reason. Her dad is a heavy alcoholic.

Anyways, I didn't agree with it. I am there for people if they need me. I don't agree with the just let it be way of thinking. I do agree that someone has to want to get sober and you can't force them though. Just accepting they are an addict is something I will never accept, people can change and do change. I feel just leaving them makes things worse. Goes a long the lines of an alcoholic is always one, these are simply choices that can change over time.

Higher power stuff creeps me out, I don't understand many of these concepts. Just wasn't for me.
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Old 05-27-2019, 11:10 AM
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quoted
When they shared just what % of addicts and alcoholics were sober 1 and five years after rehab, it was eye opening, and I realized just how much data was available on the topics.

do you remember approx what the numbers were?

------------
some of the al anon members statements were like Ive been coming here 10 years- sounds like depressing progress (easy foe me to say as I am not addicted)
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Old 05-27-2019, 11:13 AM
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I thought al anon was for family members of people with addictions based off of the AA model?
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Old 05-27-2019, 11:16 AM
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yes it is. I guess I was asking questions about aa and al anon
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Old 05-27-2019, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by edwardh1 View Post
yes it is. I guess I was asking questions about aa and al anon
Okay, I only read your first post where you were asking about al anon. Seems you were asking about al anon but replies were about AA. Anywho, I am not a fan of both, mainly because they support the opposite of individual responsibility. God gives us the ability to make choices, including not believing in him. To teach an addict that they have no control over themselves and even further, that they are afflicted with a disease is counter productive in my opinion and is illogical. There are other programs that are out there. AA is not the only game in town. Although its followers really push it.
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Old 05-27-2019, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by edwardh1 View Post
quoted
When they shared just what % of addicts and alcoholics were sober 1 and five years after rehab, it was eye opening, and I realized just how much data was available on the topics.

do you remember approx what the numbers were?

------------
some of the al anon members statements were like Ive been coming here 10 years- sounds like depressing progress (easy foe me to say as I am not addicted)
If I recall correctly relapse rates are around 94% over 5 years.
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Old 05-27-2019, 01:11 PM
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For alcohol, the rates that stuck in my mind, were 30% are still sober after one year, and 10% after five years. That corresponds with my experience.

One of my best friends struggled with addiction issues for over 30 years, we had many discussions over that time about how it worked ( for him, your mileage may vary), he was an immense help dealing with the spousal situation a long time ago, he knew her also. I just did not know how much was known about addiction, whether it was coke, pills or booze. Knowing what you are dealing with, was very key to me dealing with the situations I have dealt with over the years.

I will say having dealt with a close family member with an opiate addiction, that the some of the drugs out there that reduce the cravings are pretty effective, problem is getting the addicts to keep taking them....... " I'm better now, I don't need that anymore"..... relapse usually follows quite quickly.
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Old 05-27-2019, 01:14 PM
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For the non-addict it is very hard to understand the struggles that the addict has every day all day. AA is an every day thing that is pretty key to maintain sobriety, just like taking Seboxin every day.
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Old 05-27-2019, 01:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Brett1 View Post
Have him pick up the AA big book and read the chapter to the agnostic. The "religious thing" is really just an excuse not to work on getting better. You can believe in God, Allah, your family that has passed or the flying spaghetti monster. But you have to accept that self will and discipline alone is not enough. It's like going underwater.... some people can hold their breath for a long time but eventually they will come up for air. When that happens things get even more fucked up. Been there, done that.
I know nothing about the working of AA. He goes for the mutual support of friends and co-workers, which apparently has been a tremendous help. Anytime someone brings religion into a subject as a crutch immediately turns him (and me) off.
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Old 05-27-2019, 01:58 PM
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Brett1, glad to see you chiming in. This proves the point that some of us said in your thread months ago. The test that you went through and are still going through will be used in your testimony to help others. Stay strong and beat this thing. Still pray for you!
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Old 05-27-2019, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by savedbygrace6868 View Post
Brett1, glad to see you chiming in. This proves the point that some of us said in your thread months ago. The test that you went through and are still going through will be used in your testimony to help others. Stay strong and beat this thing. Still pray for you!
It is funny to me that I find myself advocating connecting with your higher power but I have been shown the way. Spiritual void is what causes addiction and spiritual health heals it. Did I say that?
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Old 05-27-2019, 02:13 PM
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Very familiar with AlAnon. You may need to try a few different meetings (different groups) before you form an opinion. The first couple that I went to were just a whiny group of bitter old hags, which completely turned me off. Then I found a men’s-only group and it was quite enlightening. I’ve also gone to a few Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to try to come to understand people with alcoholism and drug abuse problems.

This could be a 100-page discussion. There’s a lot to it - on both sides of the topic.
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