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Does your adult children communicate with you, the parents?

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Does your adult children communicate with you, the parents?

Old 05-06-2019, 06:50 PM
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Default Does your adult children communicate with you, the parents?

I'm posting this because it seems to be the same trait with most adult children, and I don't like it. We have just one daughter, her and I have been very close her whole life....until she got to be about 22 years old. I'm on her speed dial when anything goes wrong with her car but other than that I am lucky to get a text a text once a month. We used to spend a couple weekends a month together on the boat just her and I, and I took her everywhere with me when she was growing up. We wouldn't let her date until she was 16 and once the boys started calling that was the end of us hanging out together. She got married in 2018 but they don't have children and sounds like they don't want to have children. I told her that I spent 20 years hoping to God she didn't get pregnant but now I want her to get pregnant, we want some grandkids!

My brother has been having strange problems with his lab and our daughter texted me yesterday to ask me how his dog was doing, I will admit it did bug me a little because she never calls or texts either of us "just because" to see how we are doing. I texted her back and said the dog was doing ok but I was dying.....joking but she got the point. Geez how about calling or texting to see how her mom and dad are doing, do your kids do this? If so how old are they? She is 26 so I'm hoping at some age she will become more interested in how we are doing......

Seems to be very common that once your kids become adults they only call when they need something. It actually does hurt my feelings that she just doesn't seem to care but it's mom that is having the hardest time with it. I gotta believe that we can't be the only parents that feel this way.
Old 05-06-2019, 06:55 PM
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Keep healthy... it’ll be about the 40 year old mark before they come back. I know... I was one of those kids. See what happens when you teach them to be self sufficient?

Be thankful you don’t have the opposite problem ... where they live at home and never leave.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:03 PM
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I went through a phase in my 20's where I had too many other things going on and didn't talk with my parents that often. Now, we live about 1/2 mile from them and we talk almost daily. Their health is deteriorating, so I send over meals a couple of times a week.

I'm with you on the grandkid thing. I'm not sure if we'll ever have grandchildren. My son is high functioning autistic and isn't very social, so he may not ever get married. My daughter says she may want to have kids one day, but is too busy focusing on school to date. I will be disappointed if we don't have any grandkids.

Here's to both of us spoiling grandbabies.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:06 PM
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Maybe it's because you give her crap about having kids.

Old 05-06-2019, 07:13 PM
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I’m too cynical to hang out with my parents or my in-laws, but some of my best friends that we boat with every weekend are their age.
Our parents just aren’t cool, dunno if you have the same problem. Oh, and no grandbabies from us...
Old 05-06-2019, 07:16 PM
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I don't have my own kids but lots of friends with kids that ive known their whole life. Some are in college in 20's and most of them text me but i'm the "fun uncle". I think they think im nuts I always text them jokes and weird pics of stuff. Never lecture always say I don't give a **** so they tell me all sorts of crap they don't tell their parents. Like stuff about crazy parties and how wasted they got. It's quite entertaining.

I would not give her crap about the kids thing. She probably doesn't want you so involved in her business.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:16 PM
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Easy pal........don’t do something now where they will never come back. You have made her independent, have faith in that.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:16 PM
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Not being a wise ass, but instead of asking the THT crowd why not go to the source of your angst and ask her?

We don't have kids but many of our friends do. Some have the same issue as you and some have very engaging kids.

My wife has a strained relationship with her dad. He spent his life seemingly more interested in his new wives' (two, one died and he remarried for the third time) kids and grandkids than maintaining a quality relationship with his blood children. Took my wife until she was in her forties to let it go. Now they talk once a month and only about what his new wife's family is up to. Wife dreads the calls but realizes what he is and that he will never be the "father" she wanted.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:29 PM
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Pull them in. Don’t push them away. Having children is a completely private decision between spouses. If they know you want grandkids, no need reminding them. They know. Shut up about it. Both in their presence, and among others.

Old 05-06-2019, 07:29 PM
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Imho I would continue to love and support her as you are doing and try to release my expectations.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:34 PM
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It does get better as she finds her way in life. Hang in there.

Sometimes it feels like this.

Old 05-06-2019, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted by raystein View Post
Maybe it's because you give her crap about having kids.
I don't give her crap about it. I have only mentioned it once in more than a year and that was at Christmas. I don't badger either of them about it, they both know how we feel so it's not necessary to bring it up.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:46 PM
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I am 53 live 5 hours away from my dad. I call him at least once a week for the past 25 years. I stay at his house when I am in town. He taught me a lot about life, fishing hunting etc. When my mom was around I spoke with her as well on a different call lol. We've had our differences but we both try to look at the bigger picture
Old 05-06-2019, 07:58 PM
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We have three sons...age 29, 32, 35, two live nearby, middle son is in California.
I talk everyday with all three, they are entrepreneurs like their father, so the conversation is usually about business and then ends up with a family thing.
I consider myself blessed, to be able to reach out to my kids at anytime.
Old 05-06-2019, 07:59 PM
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In my early 20's checking in with my parents wasn't on the radar. It wasn't until I had kids of my own that it dawned on me how important it was to them, so now I call both of my parents at least twice a week, and text them regularly. I'd bet it's just her age.
Old 05-06-2019, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by RussH View Post
I don't give her crap about it. I have only mentioned it once in more than a year and that was at Christmas. I don't badger either of them about it, they both know how we feel so it's not necessary to bring it up.
Start sending her random text once a week or whatever with an I love you with some goofy picture , joke , saying , dog news , etc . Don't ask for anything in return . Get her used to getting them over a period of time . Maybe become the family news outlet for her . I guess I'm saying get a new line of communication going that's casual , easy , non time consuming and always open . The third degree serious drawn out phone conversations everytime can become a discouragement to call . I'm sure she misses you ... maybe those were her footprints around your house ... Luck Russ .
Old 05-06-2019, 08:05 PM
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Daughter's response: well dad, the last 17 years of my life all you did was post on that dumb THT thing....I mean, really, 15,000 posts??
Old 05-06-2019, 08:13 PM
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Russ you don't know me but trust me on this one. She doesn't really care about your brothers dog. It was just an ice breaker. She was just missing her dad and wanted to reach out to him without sounding needy. I have a daughter about the same age and we live in the same town but probably only talk 3 or 4 times a month. I love her and she loves me very much but how much do a 50 something dude and a 20 something lady have in common. She probably talks to my wife 6 times a week but I know she loves me just as much. I'm going Wednesday to get eye surgery where she works and I know she'll make sure I get the best care.
Just be happy she turned out to be a good person.
Old 05-06-2019, 08:21 PM
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Yes, they do. Way more than I did.
To the OP, your daughter has her own life now, be happy she is independent and enjoying her life. Would your rather have her in the basement? Children are not pets, we raise them and hope they have a good and prosperous life. This is nothing new. My grandparents came from Ireland, I seriously doubt they wrote much to the old country while they were scrapping out a living in the land of opportunity. Life moves on.

Last edited by yakmatt; 05-06-2019 at 08:28 PM.
Old 05-06-2019, 09:40 PM
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From the other side of the equation...


I hardly speak to my dad, he flatly refuses to call me - for any reason. When I call him, all he does is bitch and moan, usually about my brother who’s in his 30’s and refuses to move out(or get a job) has a useless nutter of a live in wench and are both the worlds biggest mooches. Other than that he bitches and moans about me not ringing him. I’m not allowed to visit, because the moocher doesn’t like me. Already been told I’m disowned and written out of the will at request of moocher but why don’t I call and visit?

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