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Marriage Counseling...Worth it?

Old 04-19-2019, 10:42 AM
  #201  
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Originally Posted by Riptied View Post
I'm not saying people who don't believe or have no faith can't have a successful marriage or life (term Success is argumentative) but there will ALWAYS be something missing, an inner peace from the presence of the Holy Spirit being in your heart and guiding you in all you do and say.

A marriage bonded by God will always remain.
Total BS
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:53 AM
  #202  
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Originally Posted by Riptied View Post
Just to clairify, I never once mentioned "Religion" in my original post.
The subject of Religion is HIGHLY subjective and argumentative by nature.

I was speaking of God, Jesus & The Holy Spirit and one asking them into their lives to make a change for them.
All it takes is a little faith and sincerity.

I've been married for 36 years,,,I think, and my wife has always believed in God.
I, along with her have had to remind another to have faith some times.
Everybody who walks the path (which is narrow) will wander if they aren't careful and it's real nice to have a mate there to remind you of this when you do wander and become an A-hole or she becomes something equivalent.

In reply to your last comment and with all due respect,

Ever heard of: It's Cheaper To Keep Her?
That's probably because they have complied large sums of wealth and it's cheaper to stay married.
Sadly, there are many marriages like this these days.

If you have never experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit within your heart/life at some time then there's no way on earth you could truly ever understand no matter how hard I tried to explain it, it's something you have to want because you want a change in your life and salvation.
That's my story and I'm sticking to It!

I'm not saying people who don't believe or have no faith can't have a successful marriage or life (term Success is argumentative) but there will ALWAYS be something missing, an inner peace from the presence of the Holy Spirit being in your heart and guiding you in all you do and say.

A marriage bonded by God will always remain.
I know what you were saying.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:06 AM
  #203  
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Originally Posted by MattGoose View Post
My wife and I are 37 and have been through the whole shebang - kids, financial issues, chores. You name it and we're still here and will be for a long time. So take what I say below and understand that's what I hope for you two as well.

I was initially concerned about being too harsh with you, but the more I write the more disgusted I am. You come on THT to talk about the fact that you resent and are considering divorcing your pregnant wife because she's not keeping up with the chores and missed a student loan payment or three?!? You made a commitment to love, honor and cherish her and you're failing.

You are over reacting, and you need to go take a long hard ass look in the mirror at yourself and how you need to change. Cause from what I'm reading here, you aren't bring a whole lot to the equation.

Let's start at the top. You have a pregnant wife who works full time and is tired when she comes home. You know what your job is as the dad and husband? Deal with it. Make the dinner, clean it up and then let her get to bed. When you actually have the baby, she's going to be the primary care giver for a while and you're going to be the primary chore doer for awhile. Deal with it.

And the part about keeping about with chores around the house? That's not her job, that's both of ya'll job. The part where you write "I've been cutting her some slack" really tees me off. You're either her husband or her dad and you can't be both.

YOU chose not to combine finances, and now because she's not doing it the way you want, you're going to barge in and save the day and demand a full open kimono? Nope.

Some advice if you don't want to end up in divorce:

Chill out and stop judging your wife like an insecure 18 year old.

Realize that at very best she's embarrassed by her financial situation. You going all dad on her is making it worse.

You have a kid coming and chores around the house just got dropped to about 19th on the list. Hire a house cleaner and stop treating your wife like one.

Combine your finances. I'm quite sure, since you pay the bills, she has no idea how much money you have, where it is, what your bills are like. You've disclosed nothing to her, and are now demanding total transparency from her. That's not fair. Keep an even amount to each person for their own discretionary spending, then everything else goes into a kitty. Agree on a retirement and savings plan. Do this together.

With the finances - get over what's happened in the past, fix the problem, fix the cause of the problem and move on. Belittling her about her finances will do nothing other than bring you closer to divorce. Hell, it might do it all on it's own.

You've described absolutely NOTHING that would make me even think about giving up on my wife. She's tired because she's carrying your hid? Step up. She's embarrassed because she's behind on some bills and when you go all high and mighty she get's upset? Be a damn partner, not a parent.

Stop holding her to your standards - she's an independent 27 year old adult. Bill paying gets you off? Take it over. Put the person who cares about the finances in charge of the finances. I'm sure as hell not in charge of ours.
You are a pussy. You "liked" NCMALLARD78 comment but you obviously did not open the link he listed or read anything once you did. You are a Beta, always was, always will be. Just a matter of time before your wife finds an Alpha and starts taking care of him. You will never know, you'll be too busy cleaning the house and picking up dogshit in the yard.
PXMAN, ncmallard78 and back at it like this.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:23 AM
  #204  
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Originally Posted by Clamdigger II View Post
You are a pussy. You "liked" NCMALLARD78 comment but you obviously did not open the link he listed or read anything once you did. You are a Beta, always was, always will be. Just a matter of time before your wife finds an Alpha and starts taking care of him. You will never know, you'll be too busy cleaning the house and picking up dogshit in the yard.
Man, you are obviously way overboard.
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Old 04-19-2019, 12:26 PM
  #205  
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I'm sure this thread has run it's course and I doubt the OP is still checking in for advice, etc... But you are in for a long road ahead if you are already starting to have feelings of resentment towards your wife during her first pregnancy. That is typically when men are most sensitive towards their spouse, trying to wrap their heads around her giving life to your offspring. Once that baby comes, things will NOT get easier. Life becomes MUCH, MUCH more complicated and busy. Add another baby or two in over the next several years and your wife's energy level and amount of free time will be severely depleted. She's not going to give a shit about house chores when she's mentally and physically invested in those kids.

I've been married almost 20 years, have 3 kids, have always made at least 90% of the income... Pay all the bills, cook at least half the meals, help clean the kitchen, do the yard work, etc.. Are things perfect? No... Is it 24/7 of blissful fairytale romance? No... Do I see hot girl and think damn I'd like to try that.. Yes!.. That's marriage buddy... At the end of the day, I love my wife for who she is and what she is and she loves me. We are a team in this life and raising these kids. I've seen a lot of marriages come and go. And aside from the extremely rare occasion where one spouse becomes a complete psycho, most marriages fail because it just isn't important to one or both to stay together. That may rear its head as an affair, the "we just can't get along", he wont do this, she wont do that... you name it. If its important to you to raise your child in a stable, loving home, you guys will work it out.
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Old 04-19-2019, 01:03 PM
  #206  
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Originally Posted by Clamdigger II View Post
You are a pussy. You "liked" NCMALLARD78 comment but you obviously did not open the link he listed or read anything once you did. You are a Beta, always was, always will be. Just a matter of time before your wife finds an Alpha and starts taking care of him. You will never know, you'll be too busy cleaning the house and picking up dogshit in the yard.
I know we all can be a bunch of internet keyboard tough guys on this forum but this is way over the line in terms of content and rudeness to a fellow member.
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Old 04-19-2019, 01:43 PM
  #207  
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Originally Posted by Lorne Greene View Post
I know we all can be a bunch of internet keyboard tough guys on this forum but this is way over the line in terms of content and rudeness to a fellow member.
I thought the guy was absolutely right. LOL
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Old 04-20-2019, 05:41 AM
  #208  
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Originally Posted by Clamdigger II View Post
You are a pussy. You "liked" NCMALLARD78 comment but you obviously did not open the link he listed or read anything once you did. You are a Beta, always was, always will be. Just a matter of time before your wife finds an Alpha and starts taking care of him. You will never know, you'll be too busy cleaning the house and picking up dogshit in the yard.
To person behind keyboard. I'm guessing 5'5 140 lbs drive a truck with at least a 6 inch lift. Am I close?

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Old 04-20-2019, 09:03 AM
  #209  
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Originally Posted by ncmallard78 View Post
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/

Read it. A wife is a direct reflection of you. Work on yourself and get your Sh** together. Best marital advice I ever got.
I seriously suggest that any of you who are in an unhappy marriage open this link and read. You will never be able to truly understand NCMALLARD78's quote, "A wife is a direct reflection of you", until you have done some serious reading, and then read some more. Then I'm sure you will be able to understand his comment. I think that many of you will understand that you have been doing it wrong for a long time, probably your whole life. It's not your fault and it's not going to happen overnight, you will have to do what they tell you to do, but it will be worth it.

Any of you who feel that I am being too hard on MattGoose should open the link and read about the philosophy, it really is for your own good. Only then will you understand that I am really trying to help the guy out.
Read from the sidebar "No more Mr. Nice Guy" Matt Goose is the Nice Guy.
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Old 04-22-2019, 07:14 AM
  #210  
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Originally Posted by Clamdigger II View Post
I seriously suggest that any of you who are in an unhappy marriage open this link and read. You will never be able to truly understand NCMALLARD78's quote, "A wife is a direct reflection of you", until you have done some serious reading, and then read some more. Then I'm sure you will be able to understand his comment. I think that many of you will understand that you have been doing it wrong for a long time, probably your whole life. It's not your fault and it's not going to happen overnight, you will have to do what they tell you to do, but it will be worth it.

Any of you who feel that I am being too hard on MattGoose should open the link and read about the philosophy, it really is for your own good. Only then will you understand that I am really trying to help the guy out.
Read from the sidebar "No more Mr. Nice Guy" Matt Goose is the Nice Guy.
Holy shit.

How big is your neckbeard, you sad sack incel piece of shit?

You're right, I did open the link. And I saw some interesting titles about owning your shit and making yourself better. I thought it was intended as rejection of the bat shit, infantile, pathetic red pill nonsense. Nope. Go back to your cave, ask your mommy for tenders and go pull the truck nuts off your rusted out POS pickup with the homemade lift kit.

You are all alone in this world, and you always will be, and you deserve nothing less.
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Old 04-22-2019, 07:15 AM
  #211  
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Originally Posted by PXMAN View Post


I thought the guy was absolutely right. LOL
Well, then feel free to read my latest and pretend it was spoken solely to you.
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Old 04-22-2019, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by SalmonDaze View Post
Another logical fallacy recitation by the resident goose turd. Hey, goose, let's overlay the same religious ranking relationship to tornados. HOLY LORD ALMIGHTY!!! Would you looky thar . . . belief in God equals more tornadoes. Therefore, God creates tornadoes, therefore God wants to kill people with tornadoes.

Good job. Lunacy on display.

How about if we create a cause/effect relationship between divorce and the development of the internet? HOLY LORD ALMIGHTY!!! Would you looky thar . . . divorce rates parallel internet development. Therefore, the internet causes divorce!!!

Ever heard of a specious argument? I hope so; it's your specialty.
Yawn. This is really the best you can do? Or were you just tired or something?
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Old 04-22-2019, 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Riptied View Post

A marriage bonded by God will always remain.
Except for those that end in divorce.

Which is more likely for people who most strongly belief in the heavenly and holy father than for those of us that don't.

Sorry.

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Old 04-22-2019, 07:50 AM
  #214  
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Originally Posted by MattGoose View Post
Except for those that end in divorce.

Which is more likely for people who most strongly belief in the heavenly and holy father than for those of us that don't.

Sorry.
Concur 1000%, a relationship based on or reinforced by a common belief in a supernatural being seems pretty archaic and binding...in a servile sort of fashion.
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:42 AM
  #215  
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Originally Posted by HTJ View Post
Concur 1000%, a relationship based on or reinforced by a common belief in a supernatural being seems pretty archaic and binding...in a servile sort of fashion.
Sure doesn't fit the swinger lifestyle that fer sure!
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:47 AM
  #216  
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Originally Posted by Lorne Greene View Post
I know we all can be a bunch of internet keyboard tough guys on this forum but this is way over the line in terms of content and rudeness to a fellow member.
Shirly you can't be serious?

...and yes, I called you Shirley.
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:56 AM
  #217  
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Trust me. It only gets harder once you have a kid.
I have never been married and have no children so i can speak from experience.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:01 AM
  #218  
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Originally Posted by JCC123 View Post
Trust me. It only gets harder once you have a kid.
.
Yes, this is true.
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:25 AM
  #219  
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
My wife and I do a hybrid system. I handle all of the household bills. Every one of them. She handles medical, but only because the FSA is tied to her work, and that makes it easier. Other than household bills, we operate day to day independently. Each pay period a budgeted portion of her check goes to the household account, as does mine. Some also goes from each into savings, and there is retirement as well. The remainder goes into our personal accounts. From those accounts (the input amounts are budgeted) we are not accountable whatsoever to how it gets spent. The size of those accounts can be as big or small as you want them to be within the confines of your overall budget. Bulk of the household stuff is on auto draft, and I review it periodically to insure nothing is out of line. For stuff like kids clothes or other potential large purchases where she does the shopping, but the $ comes out of the household account, we talk about it first if the amounts are going to be significant.
Pretty much what my wife and I do. Works well for us. All bills are accounted for from our joint account that gets enough deposited in to cover monthly bills, food, stuff for our 6 month old, etc. outside of that rest (that isn’t going into either of our retirement accounts) goes to our individual accounts. I don’t care if she goes
and buys clothes she doesn’t need and she doesn’t care if I go buy more fishing rods I don’t need. Works well and we have rarely ever had any disagreement over finances.

OP, not sure I can add anything that hasn’t been mentioned. Sounds like it would be worth trying counseling. Although a lot of your issues seem to have been known for a long time. You can give a pass if she’s not doing shit while she’s pregnant but the fact that it sounds like she never has is a whole different story.
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Old 04-22-2019, 12:21 PM
  #220  
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Originally Posted by KJS View Post
Yes, this is true.
It gets twice as hard when You have 2 Kids!!
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