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Old 12-19-2019, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by ericinmich View Post
It's tough not knowing more, but no matter what you do if he still has the same friends it will be nearly impossible to change his path.

My oldest son, now 23, likely used pot from that age on (socially, not daily), just graduated from college and is making six figures with a bs degree. Pot is looked on like no different than alcohol by most youth at this point. Second kid in college doest touch any drugs, but does enjoy his beers.

To me what is the bigger picture. Is son on a good path and responsible (grades, sports, etc) or just getting by at school with no long term plan and goals.
^ - This!
I know you are worried. Push him too far or hard and you will forever lose a relationship with him. It's a tough world for teens, and maybe tougher for parents.

If you are too strict with him, you can loosen the reigns as he gains back trust and respect. If you have let the reigns be too lose all along, if you try tightening them now he will buck, and it will only get worse. Peer pressure may be the most powerful thing in a teens' life. You can try to get him away from the friends, but if he doesn't have an alternative social structure and friends to hang with, it won't work, and again, push him away and alienate him.

It's tough being a mean parent, but somebody has to do it. Teens need a parent, not a friend. You can be his friend as he grows, but he still needs guidance. You can be friends with other people's teens, but not yours. You have to be the parent.

The thing is, after about the age of 10 or 12, you are no longer raising them, you are merely guiding them. The base operating system has already been laid down, and you can't format it and start over.

You could try counseling or treatment, but it doesn't sound like he is at that point .... yet....

Good luck. I know you are worried. If you have given him a solid foundation, he has a good chance of turning out ok. If he is struggling in areas, it gets harder to put it all back into place.

Let him know - if he gets in trouble at home, you can fix that. If he gets in trouble out in the world - arrests, drugs, stealing, etc. - you may not be able to fix that, and he is heading down a road he may not like or be able to control.

Former neighbor FINALLY had to completely write off her heroin addict grown-ass son after multiple arrests, police visits, DUIs, ODs, thefts from her repeatedly. It was ugly. And she is the cause of a lot of this young mans issues because of how she treated and raised him through the years.

Good luck to you and your family.