You might look into New Kent Co. - east of Richmond. Small town type atmosphere with lots of housing opportunities and growing little by little. Closer to Richmond than Hampton.
Tappahannock (Essex Co.) may be another alternative - ON the Rappahannock River (brackish) and 40mi. or so from Richmond - maybe a few more from Hampton. Most everything you'd need there.
Also, have you thought of the Williamsburg area? Lots of new stuff down there - shopping, restaurants, hospital, etc.. If you look around, you can probably find something reasonable - maybe on the outskirts. Not far from Yorktown, Jamestown, Hampton Roads area and about 45min. to Richmond area.
Which part of Richmond will you be commuting to - Northside, Southside, West end? Can make a big difference in your commute time from east of here.
Will your wife be working on the Hampton side or the Norfolk side of the James? Some folks refer to "Hampton Roads" as ALL of that area. Traffic in the Hampton, Newport News area can be a BEAR - ANY time of day!
I was born and raised here - shoot me a PM if I can offer help.
Nice state to live in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regards,