A Little Police Humor - The Hull Truth

mole2 · 04-21-2005, 08:48 PM

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? Comments taken off of actual police car videos:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh! did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, & step in mud & animal poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

seacraft06 · 04-21-2005, 09:40 PM

That last one is cruel!

auguste · 04-21-2005, 10:57 PM

thubert57 · 04-22-2005, 07:59 AM

Those are good!

T

Bailey Boat · 04-22-2005, 08:10 AM

Contrary to popular belief, police officers DO have a good sense of humor. But based on the crap that people tell you when stopped for a traffic violation they must think that stupidity is our middle name. Here’s a few I’ve heard when I was on that side….

1. Sir, the reason I stopped you is that your brake lights aren’t working properly.
Answer: This isn’t my truck and it’s not my problem, you’ll have to call Bob the owner when he makes bail…….
2. Sir, I stopped you because you were clocked doing 85 in a 55 zone, may I see your license and registration please????
Answer: You should have my license, I mailed it to you last week when I got the letter………
3. Sir, I stopped you because I noticed that you have been weaving back and
forth between the 2 lanes and crossing the center line repeatedly. Have you been
drinking?????
Answer: Of course I’ve been drinking, it’s after 5:00 and its legal isn’t it????

To tolerate stuff like this you HAVE to have a sense of humor…….

seahawg · 04-22-2005, 08:55 AM

I got pulled one afternoon for speeding. The officer said "It's nearly the end of my shift, if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I'll let you off with a warning."

I replied, "Well officer, about a month ago my wife ran off with a state patrolman, and I thought you were him, trying to catch me to return her."

He let me go.

wolfpack03 · 04-22-2005, 09:30 AM

Good stuff there!