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Random Quote: You can not legislate intelligence or good manners
Call Dr. Phil. He knows everything about relationships. Oh, clear your history on the computer so your wife doesn't find out you're asking a fishing forum for relationship advice.
__________________ "no matter how beautiful a woman is, someone, somewhere is sick of her sh*t"
41 Hatteras - Hatt'ras Bound Sportfishing
O.U.P.V. Captain
I've been tied by the hip since 86 to the same lady......best move I ever made. We are both our first.
I definitely do not understand how two people can fall in love, marry, possibly have children, divorce and hate each other and spit venom at each other for the rest of their lives. Where did all that respect and love that started things off go to? I do not have a single lady friend from my past that if we meet by chance there isn't a hug and kiss on the cheek as a greeting. Why does a failed relationship have to carry hatred till the end of life .....it's all what we make it!
Say it on here or any other web site does it really matter? Either way I see it, the guy loses big time every time.
Life is a journey, an adventure, it's not a prison sentence.
One of the biggest mistakes I see in failing or failed marriages is the lack of respect......kicking the other person when they are down. Respect says one shouldn't do that, but I see it all the time.
Well buddy, it does and can happen.
My first marriage we had a daughter. That little girl was my life. One week before my first fathers day she tells me she's going home to see her parents so they can see the baby (she's from MS) be back on Thursday. Thursday rolls around and she calls and says she's not coming home right now. Makes up some BS why, doesn't matter. I later found out that she went back to work at her old place of employment and didn't want to come back. The whole time she was here she kept in contact with her ex (who was married at the time) and there was also a doctor that she worked with offering her money to move back down there. Not to mention the constant yapping from her mother saying how she thinks our marriage should be. We never hit it off, me and the ex's mother. But, before she left, she kindly ran up all the bills for me. Phone bill alone was over $600. Shortly there after she starts nailing a bunch of people. Well over a year after she left, I started dating my current wife. Well that pissed her off. Big battle, to this day everyone down there bad mouths me to no end to my daughter. Classy huh? She married one of her college professor's (went back to school) who was still married and over 20 years older than her. Funny, when he ran out of money, she ran out on him. Now she's suckered some poor sap she went to school with but has nothing of her own, even though she has a master's in nursing. Still bad mouths me to my daughter and I have a hard time getting ahold of her because they refuse to answer a phone. Oh, and when my daughter comes and stays with me, she has the audacity to try and tell me what I can and cannot do in my house. Needless to say, she gets pissed when I don't abide by said rules and I tell her to get bent.
I can honestly say I hate my ex with every fiber of my being for the wedge she has created between me and my daughter.
I just gave the condensed version, trust me, it get's entertaining from there.
I have been with my current wife 13 years and have a stronger relationship now than when we first started out. She's a great person and a wonderful mother to our 3 daughters and an excellent stepmother to my oldest daughter. That's right, 4 daughters.
You may not be able to understand why people hate one another, but, that only means you haven't been in those peoples shoes. I honestly feel bad for feeling that way, but it is what it is. She used my daughter as a pawn and lied to her for years. For what she has done I can never forgive her. She hurt my child, if that makes me a bad person for feeling that way, so be it.
Well buddy, it does and can happen.
My first marriage we had a daughter. That little girl was my life. One week before my first fathers day she tells me she's going home to see her parents so they can see the baby (she's from MS) be back on Thursday. Thursday rolls around and she calls and says she's not coming home right now. Makes up some BS why, doesn't matter. I later found out that she went back to work at her old place of employment and didn't want to come back. The whole time she was here she kept in contact with her ex (who was married at the time) and there was also a doctor that she worked with offering her money to move back down there. Not to mention the constant yapping from her mother saying how she thinks our marriage should be. We never hit it off, me and the ex's mother. But, before she left, she kindly ran up all the bills for me. Phone bill alone was over $600. Shortly there after she starts nailing a bunch of people. Well over a year after she left, I started dating my current wife. Well that pissed her off. Big battle, to this day everyone down there bad mouths me to no end to my daughter. Classy huh? She married one of her college professor's (went back to school) who was still married and over 20 years older than her. Funny, when he ran out of money, she ran out on him. Now she's suckered some poor sap she went to school with but has nothing of her own, even though she has a master's in nursing. Still bad mouths me to my daughter and I have a hard time getting ahold of her because they refuse to answer a phone. Oh, and when my daughter comes and stays with me, she has the audacity to try and tell me what I can and cannot do in my house. Needless to say, she gets pissed when I don't abide by said rules and I tell her to get bent.
I can honestly say I hate my ex with every fiber of my being for the wedge she has created between me and my daughter.
I just gave the condensed version, trust me, it get's entertaining from there.
I have been with my current wife 13 years and have a stronger relationship now than when we first started out. She's a great person and a wonderful mother to our 3 daughters and an excellent stepmother to my oldest daughter. That's right, 4 daughters.
You may not be able to understand why people hate one another, but, that only means you haven't been in those peoples shoes. I honestly feel bad for feeling that way, but it is what it is. She used my daughter as a pawn and lied to her for years. For what she has done I can never forgive her. She hurt my child, if that makes me a bad person for feeling that way, so be it.
although that hasnt happened to me it sounds all to familiar with guys I know they have gone through what you have i see the pain it causes them and the hurt deep down inside when it comes to their kids
__________________ Proud to be Union U.W.U.A 1-2
A committed individual can make a difference,but a group of people, United in purpose,Can make the difference
A lot of good info here. Much of it sounds familiar. First marriage 24 yrs, one son (37 now). Marriage had its ups and downs like they all do but we hung in there through some pretty hard times, partly for the child but mostly because we believed in our marriage (whatever that was). After the son was out of the house and on his own things changed. I thought we were doing OK but must have not been. LOL She came in one day and said she was leaving and she did. No further explanation to me. I was devastated; really off the deep end when I found she had moved in with my business partner. It was like the worst soap you've ever seen. I got a divorce, dissolved the business and moved out of the state; I needed to totally get away from all of it. I thought I knew what communication was before that. Man, was I wrong. I got counseling, lots of it. I was lucky to find a very good counselor; I probably went to interview with 15-20 of them before I found the right one (you'll know).
Second marriage (18 months to a gold digger), I should have listened to that little guy in my head, you know the one. A learning experience.
On my third marriage now (5 years), her fourth. Couldn't be happier. Key is communication and honesty with each other and with yourself.
Look into yourself; what is it that you think you are missing? The grass isn't always greener when you get there, just different grass.
Get some counseling. Get some for yourself; it is your life.
240- I actually used a female attorney and for awhile a female shrink for this latest train wreck.....I guess I was looking for insight. Found them both to be competent and objective although both felt strongly that I'd been set-up for at least two years
which I don't let myself buy into. As to hating ones former spouse.....I grew up being taught to forgive....but some days
Try not to marry a woman who didnt have a daddy that hugged her every day...
An insecure female with a nice arse is dangerous........
bottom line.. Marriage means nothing anymore except for the ones who are still married.. imo its a one shot deal,,you should'nt be allowed to get married again!
And then I tell you my parents have been married for 66 years They are now 90 and 91 years old respectively. Are they happy? I say no but being in their nineties living in the same house and being self sufficient to the extent possible something is being done right?? I can't explain
Currently married for 13 years with 2 kids and really can't begin to fathom making it another 53 years Never thought marriage would be this tough Is it?
And then I tell you my parents have been married for 66 years They are now 90 and 91 years old respectively. Are they happy? I say no but being in their nineties living in the same house and being self sufficient to the extent possible something is being done right?? I can't explain
Currently married for 13 years with 2 kids and really can't begin to fathom making it another 53 years Never thought marriage would be this tough Is it?
If your positively unhappy and find yourself checking out other pew-tang,
hit the road jack! one, life is to short...two kids will be fine as long as you both see them, three, dont join match.com .. finally, if sex plays a huge role in your life and you ain't gettin none - then have an affair and see if its worth it - but dont get caught like Woods
Well buddy, it does and can happen.
My first marriage we had a daughter. That little girl was my life. One week before my first fathers day she tells me she's going home to see her parents so they can see the baby (she's from MS) be back on Thursday. Thursday rolls around and she calls and says she's not coming home right now. Makes up some BS why, doesn't matter. I later found out that she went back to work at her old place of employment and didn't want to come back. The whole time she was here she kept in contact with her ex (who was married at the time) and there was also a doctor that she worked with offering her money to move back down there. Not to mention the constant yapping from her mother saying how she thinks our marriage should be. We never hit it off, me and the ex's mother. But, before she left, she kindly ran up all the bills for me. Phone bill alone was over $600. Shortly there after she starts nailing a bunch of people. Well over a year after she left, I started dating my current wife. Well that pissed her off. Big battle, to this day everyone down there bad mouths me to no end to my daughter. Classy huh? She married one of her college professor's (went back to school) who was still married and over 20 years older than her. Funny, when he ran out of money, she ran out on him. Now she's suckered some poor sap she went to school with but has nothing of her own, even though she has a master's in nursing. Still bad mouths me to my daughter and I have a hard time getting ahold of her because they refuse to answer a phone. Oh, and when my daughter comes and stays with me, she has the audacity to try and tell me what I can and cannot do in my house. Needless to say, she gets pissed when I don't abide by said rules and I tell her to get bent.
I can honestly say I hate my ex with every fiber of my being for the wedge she has created between me and my daughter.
I just gave the condensed version, trust me, it get's entertaining from there.
I have been with my current wife 13 years and have a stronger relationship now than when we first started out. She's a great person and a wonderful mother to our 3 daughters and an excellent stepmother to my oldest daughter. That's right, 4 daughters.
You may not be able to understand why people hate one another, but, that only means you haven't been in those peoples shoes. I honestly feel bad for feeling that way, but it is what it is. She used my daughter as a pawn and lied to her for years. For what she has done I can never forgive her. She hurt my child, if that makes me a bad person for feeling that way, so be it.
Same thing happened to a buddy of mine. His wife took the two young kids to visit her family in Orange County California. She never came back. The day after the divorce was over she married her old high school boyfriend. Really messed up my buddy. He has never been the same. He told me that he could have handled losing the wife but having those two little tikes taken away nearly killed him.
Have you found that a female counselor can be objective and see the males point of view or do you find them siding with the women most of the time?
Same (opposite) question on the male counselors?
They should be professional and be neutral, but in the real world?
The 20 or so counselors I interviewed with during my first divorce were about a 50/50 mix of male and female. Their attitudes seemed to me to range from macho woman haters to script readers to those wanting to introduce me to other patients of theirs for a romp in the hay. I almost gave up on the search for one that I thought I could relate to.
The one I settled with happened to be female; she was always very professional. She never took sides. She did offer some insight at times to how women view some things differently than men but never took sides. She was there for me, to get me through all of the roller coaster emotions one goes through during something like this without self destructing and to help me be a stronger and better person in the end, to help understand what had happened and possibly why and to help me find closure and get on with my life. She was successful on all counts and I owe a lot to her for that.
You know the difference between someone that is just in the profession, though they are 100% sincere about what they are doing and someone that seems to have a gift or some special insight. She was one of the special ones; I think I was very lucky.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl “Will you
Marry me?” The girl said, “NO!”
So... The guy lived happily ever after and rode
Motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank
Beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat Up and farted whenever he wanted. The end
Been married Thirty Years................I can still fantasize can't I ?
__________________ "Most of my money was spent on Motorcycles, Boats, Women, and Whiskey...The rest I just wasted"
My old happily married boss told me, "A good wife isn't just smart or attractive, she's a good business partner".
I've thought of that often when dating, and I think i've found the right girl. She's organized, responsible, secure and she lets me fish. Threads like this do give me pause. My parents took 10 years to get divorced, and did it messily. At 17 I ended up in court with their lawyers fighting over my testimony, what a horrible experience.
Divorce does irreparable damage to the kids, by far the biggest expense of the whole ordeal.
I had what I would consider a "good" divorce (if there IS such a thing?) - by that I mean we took a few reasonable steps to keep the lawyers from retiring too early!
We (wife and I) sat down and agreed on the distribution of property - house, cars, boat, furniture, personal stuff, credit cards, savings, etc. and THEN gave it (the "list") to the lawyers. We also agreed on what the child support (paid by me) would be - based on state law/"standards" and our OWN thoughts - again, beFORE we gave it to the lawyers.
We already "knew", pretty much, what each would be "signing off" on when the papers started going back and forth.
I moved out on the 23rd of Dec., 1994 - BAD time of the year to be "thinking" about all that was going on, but the move kept me (and my MIND) busy. Still went over on Christmas morning to open the presents with the kids (16 & 12 at the time), AND got the wife a nice Christmas gift from "them".
Laws vary from state to state on "when" the divorce is "final" - in VA, it's 6mo., if no children under 18, 12mo. if ANY are under 18.
Again - I am NOT offering "advice" based on YOUR situation - just some food for thought.
It's also interesting what "things" you "find out" after the smoke has cleared. I found a BLOCKBUSTER that could have REALLY caused some BIG grief for a number of folks, but kept my mouth shut and moved on.
I have 15 years of marriage under my belt. If before then I had committed manslaughter or some other very serious felony I would now be a free man with an early release based on good time served. Instead I am still married, oh well.
We are both our first.
Where did all that respect and love that started things off go to? 
.. finally, if sex plays a huge role in your life and you ain't gettin none - then have an affair and see if its worth it - but dont get caught like Woods 
Best advice in this thread. 
