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Random Quote: When the Wx forcast is calling for seas 4' to 6' you add those two numbers together to get actual height
I've been tied by the hip since 86 to the same lady......best move I ever made. We are both our first.
I definitely do not understand how two people can fall in love, marry, possibly have children, divorce and hate each other and spit venom at each other for the rest of their lives. Where did all that respect and love that started things off go to? I do not have a single lady friend from my past that if we meet by chance there isn't a hug and kiss on the cheek as a greeting. Why does a failed relationship have to carry hatred till the end of life .....it's all what we make it!
Say it on here or any other web site does it really matter? Either way I see it, the guy loses big time every time.
Life is a journey, an adventure, it's not a prison sentence.
One of the biggest mistakes I see in failing or failed marriages is the lack of respect......kicking the other person when they are down. Respect says one shouldn't do that, but I see it all the time.
My parents were divorced in the '70s after 9 years. I've been married 16 years, there are always ups and downs, I believe you just need to work things out. Every day brings new challenges and new benefits.
it was a joke..
really...no fault divorce laws are insane..dont you agree?
Married for 3 years. Have been divorced for two. No kids. My x was a money grubbing workaholic, she decided about a month after we bought a half million dollar house that she wanted to start an affair with her boss on a business trip... I soon found out, moved out, and started divorce proceedings. I stuck her with that house, which she has not been able to sell for two years.
Going thru that was the worst thing I have ever done. Its amazing how much people can change. I think its the best decision I have ever made. Good riddance! I dont hate her, I dont even talk to her. I just walked out the door and never looked back.
__________________ Stupid is as stupid does... most of the time...
What is the real reason you asked her to marry you?
Some will say,
I loved her man, (what is love to you and her?)
she was fricken hot and I was lucky to have her,
money,
didn't want to be alone,
wanted a family,
we dated so long I just figured I'd marry her,
my high school sweetheart,
all my friends were getting married at the time so I thought I would too,
we have a lot in common,
she is great lover,
that what I thought you were suppose to do,
I got her pregnant, so I married her,
etc...
What is the real reason you are thinking of ending it?
I don't love her any more, (what is love to you?)
She used to be hot, now she tuns me off,
money issues,
I'd rather be alone then be with her,
family life is not for me,
we grew apart,
all my friends are divorced and they seem happy,
I like to "be with" different women,
we don't have anything in common (except our children),
She is hard to get along with,
I bust my ass and she sits home eating Bon Bons everyday,
She is a terrible cook, house keeper, mother, wife, lover, friend,
I'm the problem not her,
Abuse of alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, infidelity, verbal, money, etc
she wants out, not me,
I want out, she doesn't,
she cheats on me,
I cheat on her,
I met someone new that really understands me,
I want counseling and she doesn't,
etc...
Think about it and be brutally honest with yourself, then think how it will affect everyone involved especially your child. You will not be making the decision just for you.
If you do it for selfish reasons you will know it and you may never be happy.
DO NOT REPLY WITH THE ANSWER HERE. Keep it to yourself.
I've dated my wife 4 years, been married 25 years, two kids in college.
The road has been bumpy but together we always wanted the long term goal, to raise well adjusted kids and grow old together. We have a modest rancher on 3/4 acre. Nothing flamboyant. We have been happy with simple things.
I have friends and family, that run the gambit in relationships and marriages. I'm sure we all do.
Make an appointment with every good lawyer in town, once you've done that she'll only be allowed to talk to the bad ones.
Other wise it is a conflict of interest on the part of the lawyer.
Hate the idea but it's your boat and your at the wheel.
Also when things are going good everyone gets along, when things turn bad they often go downhill real fast. So plan on stasing away a few bucks now while things are good and a yr. from now bring up the subject so things can't be traced so easy.
How much you stash is up to you and your circumstances.
First time 18 years to a beautiful binge drinker till I looked in the mirror one morning and said I didn't want to be 80 and putting up with the same %$@#. One son, now 20. Second one, dated 3 years married 3 years, Nurse put her on massive amounts
of Prozac in April, divorce is final this Thursday, horrible to see someone you love self destruct and be powerless to stop it.
Communication is huge, you have to share the good and the bad....honesty is tied for
second with trust.
Have seen it reek havoc on the family and finances
Think long and hard-visitation every other weekend instead of seeing the kids all the time stinks,sharing holidays etc really cuts time with the kids-and its gets less when they get more actice as they get older with jobs friends sports etc
Seems like a lot of good advice here... but I figure I'll try to give the other end of the spectrum. I'm 18. I'm happy to say my parents just celebrated their 22nd anniversary last month, but it almost didn't make it this far. When I was about eight, my mother and father separated for about 8 months. My dad moved out to a near by apartment, and I had to go with my sister to see him every other weekend. I honestly didn't fully understand what was going on, but I knew it sucked. I knew that my mom cried a lot, we no longer went on family vacations, that after my hockey games I only went out to celebrate with one of my parents. Home wasn't home anymore, and my family wasn't a family anymore. After a time apart, they got back together and never looked back. I can't even begin to explain how glad I was and am that they did.
And on a more recent anecdote, I've watched from the sidelines as my girlfriend's parents go through a huge divorce battle. It's been going on for well over a year with no signs of stopping any time soon. It pains me to see my girlfriend in tears so often over the situation. It really has made an impact on her, and it worries me that she didn't grow up around a model relationship.
Anyways, my whole point in posting was to emphasize how much impact a divorce has on the children. Of course, it is better to separate than fight constantly in front of the child, but you have to realize you are hurting your child when they did nothing wrong.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find happiness again soon.
I've known more friends who are divorced than who are still married in my short 48 years on this planet. Matter of fact my wife and I reference this on a regular basis. Truth be told out of 50 or so 'close friends' less than 15 are still together. Out of that group, most of who I knew long before we met I can count 5 still going and that includes us.
With or without a wedding band on after 20 years I can still go drinking with the boys. Fishing. Hunting. Trips to our other home. Snowmobiling. Skiing (when I did) NY NY. Business trips to great places. Anywhere you mention, solo, I don't need a pass. WE never wanted kids and I'm sure that helped. Trust and time away once in a while work for us. W/O kids I know this is easy.
The words I quoted from you were never more true. I can't believe I've never heard them before.
I'm still willing to trade a menopausal 48yo. What do you have to offer.
__________________ 2003 Boston Whaler 255 Conquest w/ twin 200 HPDI's
I've never been a racist. I don't like the white half either.
A guy I worked with said this one day about his wife.
"I wouldn't take a million dollars for her and I wouldn't give you a dollar for another one just like her!"
They had been happily married about 25 years at this time.
What that exactly meant? I guess it's on how you look at it.
............
In your post you said "I just feel like I'm missing out."
Missing out on what? The grass is not always greener.
It's not just about you, think what your son will be missing out on and your wife if she is doing the best she can.
Seems like a lot of good advice here... but I figure I'll try to give the other end of the spectrum. I'm 18. I'm happy to say my parents just celebrated their 22nd anniversary last month, but it almost didn't make it this far. When I was about eight, my mother and father separated for about 8 months. My dad moved out to a near by apartment, and I had to go with my sister to see him every other weekend. I honestly didn't fully understand what was going on, but I knew it sucked. I knew that my mom cried a lot, we no longer went on family vacations, that after my hockey games I only went out to celebrate with one of my parents. Home wasn't home anymore, and my family wasn't a family anymore. After a time apart, they got back together and never looked back. I can't even begin to explain how glad I was and am that they did.
And on a more recent anecdote, I've watched from the sidelines as my girlfriend's parents go through a huge divorce battle. It's been going on for well over a year with no signs of stopping any time soon. It pains me to see my girlfriend in tears so often over the situation. It really has made an impact on her, and it worries me that she didn't grow up around a model relationship.
Anyways, my whole point in posting was to emphasize how much impact a divorce has on the children. Of course, it is better to separate than fight constantly in front of the child, but you have to realize you are hurting your child when they did nothing wrong.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find happiness again soon.
Jeff,
You are smart WAY beyond your years!
Most of the time, we have no real idea what the kids are going through, and find ourselves entrenched in what's going on between the husband and wife. When the kids are with only ONE parent, we also don't know what they are being told by the OTHER parent! Bad for them - either way.
Thank you for posting a different perspective from the "other side"!
Glad it all worked out for your Mom and Dad, too! And keep up the good work with your girlfriend and give her the support she needs getting through this!
Most of the time, we have no real idea what the kids are going through, and find ourselves entrenched in what's going on between the husband and wife. When the kids are with only ONE parent, we also don't know what they are being told by the OTHER parent! Bad for them - either way.
Regards,
A very valid point. People tend to forget that it may be your ex-spouse, but it is not the child's ex-parent. It makes me sick to listen to stories of my girlfriend's mom bashing her ex-husband to her daughter.
I've known more friends who are divorced than who are still married in my short 48 years on this planet. Matter of fact my wife and I reference this on a regular basis. Truth be told out of 50 or so 'close friends' less than 15 are still together. Out of that group, most of who I knew long before we met I can count 5 still going and that includes us.
With or without a wedding band on after 20 years I can still go drinking with the boys. Fishing. Hunting. Trips to our other home. Snowmobiling. Skiing (when I did) NY NY. Business trips to great places. Anywhere you mention, solo, I don't need a pass. WE never wanted kids and I'm sure that helped. Trust and time away once in a while work for us. W/O kids I know this is easy.
The words I quoted from you were never more true. I can't believe I've never heard them before.
I'm still willing to trade a menopausal 48yo. What do you have to offer.
That's a page I could have wrote, except for the other house and mines a menopausal 51yo....mine looks 35 so she's not up for trade...sorry.
December we'll be married for 37 yrrr's. 2 lovely daughters.
What I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
Don't know if it matters but respect is really the key. My wife and I get along very well most the time. We once in a blue moon have a small dust up but we never stay upset more then 24 hrs. You take some time, think it through and work out the details. I trust my wife and vis versa enough that neother of us would do anything disrespectful to the other and that includes spending money.
If there is something I/she wants we can buy it but we both understand what is out of the question and what is within bounds. On the things that are out of bounds we work on obtaining it over time. New house/car/boat/addition/ etc..
We are both our first.
Where did all that respect and love that started things off go to? 
Bad for them - either way. 
