Justaguy2025

I thought with Veterans day coming up anyone who has served would find these funny and so true. There are many more. Feel free to add yours.

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
5. The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
   1. when you're ready for them.
   2. when you're not ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
13. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
19. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
21. Friendly fire isn't.
22. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
30. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.
31. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
32. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
33. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
34. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
35. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
36. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
37. Interchangeable parts aren't.
38. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
39. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
40. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
41. The one item you need is always in short supply.
42. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
43. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
44. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
45. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
46. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
47. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
48. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
49. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
50. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
51. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
52. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Congressional Medal Of Honor.
53. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
54. Murphy was a grunt.

Ludicrous

My favorite:

24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Menzies

Very good.

Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and his aircraft? The plane stops whining when you shut down the engines.

The lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other son-of-a-bitch die for his. - General Patton
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate - - the bombs always hit the ground.
The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer. - U.S. Navy Seabees
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!
When in doubt empty the magazine.
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
"You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
Tracers work both ways.
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. — from the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
Who *cares* if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
Push to test... Release to detonate.
Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
Friendly fire - isn't.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction.
If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher - "Aim towards Enemy"

Tarbaby

Hurry up and wait.....

beenie

Only two things fall out of the sky..........bird poop and fools.

__________________
They weren't biting at all.....then they slacked up.