I think I sent my first post on this subject into Dockside Limbo...I forgot to put in a subjec header, and posted....don't see it anywhere, so, I'll repost, make it way shorter this time.
Here it is in a nutshell. My 13 year old daughter wants me to bring her best friend, also 13, on our annual vacation to Maine this year. We'll be in Maine for 4 week, plus, a week to get there, which includes a few days stop over at my parents on Long Island, New york. Then, another 4 or 5 days at my parents on the way back, allows for some nice visiting time, since i usually only see them once a year, and, same for my daughter, and, I'll get some decent fishing in my old haunts from whaen I was growing up on Eastern L.I.
My son always goes also, but this year, he may stay behind, he has joined CAP (Civil Air Patrol) and they have alot of summer stuff happening he's really wanting to do.
Som anyway, I have never taken somebody elses child on a major vacation. This girls parents are more than happy to let her go, since they send her away every weekend to her Grandmothers while they party and then, send her away for 5 weeks every summer to the mid west to her Aunts, so they can do their own thing. They really don't spend much time with the girl at all...kind of sad.
She is a really nice kid, and, I don't mind having her along. It would make my daughter one happy camper...the two are inseperable, great buddies.
My question, is, who here has taken another persons child on a trip/vacation, for this length of time...about 6 weeks total? I am good with kids, very safety oriented, don't really have any issues that I can think of to really decline. The girls have already, of course, as children will, planned it all out, what they'll be doing, so on and so forth.
When I'm done fishing from 4 A.M until around 10 A.m., is when I do all the stuff with the kids, kayaking, swimming, take them joy riding & tubing on the lake, let them fish for the more easy to catch so they won't be bored fish, like small mouth bass, white perch, etc. We drive 35 miles a couple times a week into the "big" town, to shop, catch a movie, etc.
Without my son there, and, most other families comming and going within a week, it's hard to make a new "vacation friend" because they are gone so quickly...most folks don't spend the amount of time up there like I do. Sometimes, if someone cancles, the owner of the lodge lets me know first, and I may add a week or more...last year I added 3 extra weeks. So, my daughter would have a companion and not feel so alone if she'd rather not be on the boat with me...and, really, NOBODY is on the lake at 4A.M like me...I am always the first one out there. Don't get me wrong, I spend alot of time with my kids when we go, but, at her age, and with my son staying behind, I think it would enhance the experience for her...yes?
so, basically, I am looking for some feedback from anyone here that has taken another families child on a vacation, what was the overall experience like, would you do it again, what are the drawbacks...if any....I would like for her to come along, it would make her summer much more enjoyable also, insted of sitting in a cornfield, alone, as she described her 5 week summer visits to her Aunts...any feedback, positive or negative is appreciated, thanx.

Hmmmm...no replies. Well, after talking with my wife, I've made up my mind. I'm going to let her join us on vacation. Still...any input will be appreciated.

msheppard13

I've never done it....but our son is an only child (6yr old now). I'm sure we'll be doing it in the future for him.

As long as you're responsible, and the parents don't seem to mind, then go for it. I'm sure you won't allow anything that you wouldn't allow your own daughter to do.

jbonnet

Sounds to me like you are a great dad and taking the girl along would only make the trip better for everyone.

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triplenet

I take my middle daughter skiing every year... Its just a father daughter trip and I would not want to take another child other than my own... Its a way to bond...

That said, we take many trips each year and all my kids bring friends... My $.02, decide if this is a bonding trip or other - if she brings a friend she wont hang with you...

Good luck

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joenew61

Sounds like a great thing that you are doing, and a win-win, assuming that the friend is really into that sort of vacation. Is she an outdoor person who would feel comfortable doing it? Is she going to get bored a week into the trip? I didn't see if you mentioned if this was a boat trip or a road trip? If the former, I have found that extended time on a boat is not for everyone.

My other concern would be with liability. Your daughter and her friend may be best buddies, but that can change in a hurry if there was any kind of medical or injury incident. It sounds like the parents are pretty self-indulgent - that is a trait that is correlated with other negative traits as well. How much do you trust them? What kind of coverage would you have under your current policies?

dssmith

The only significant downside is the emotional stability of the 13 yr old friend. To Wit:

False allegations of impropriety from her to you. (He touched me... He leered at me....etc)
My lawyer buddies were typical paranoid lawyers, but they had a point. They never took the babysitter home. Always had the wife do it. Just didn't want the hassle of defending themselves against a teenager.

They had a point.

Is you wife going along? Is there another female adult "on vacation." This would be ideal and she would be a great reference/chaperone to buffer any situations. Whenever possible, always have a witness around, and avoid being alone with the kid.

13 yr olds will get sick of each other, just like adults. Five weeks is a long time. Prepare the kids upfront that there will only be one set of parents setting the limits on the trip, and then prepare for tons of "lawyering" from the kids regarding all issues.

Telling a 13 yr old girl "NO" doesn't mean "NO" to them. It just means they have to keep asking............

capt. thunder

That's a real nice thing you are doing. But 6 weeks is an awfully long time for minding someone else's kid. I could see a week or 2, but 6 weeks. Doesn't say much for the parents either. Again, that is really nice of you for taking her along.

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Brett1

As a criminal defense lawyer I cannot agree more. If that little girl has any skeletons in her closet from things that are happening at home they can come out directed at an innocent party. The mere allegation of some sort of impropriety can ruin your life... period. I have defended a few cases where just such a thing has happened and come to find out at the end of the litigation that the "dad" was actually doing the bad acts but she was afraid to say and blamed another innocent person to get the help. BIG MESS. I have 2 boys but dont let other kids sleep over and if I am going anywhere it is with my wife present. Its crazy out there, especially if you live a good life.... it makes you a target.

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daddy0

Sometimes it is more important for your children to know you are there for them and their friends. the friends parents may be selfish and not want the kid around and your daughter wants to help her friend ,By permitting it you help support her decision and display that you are there to support them, Don't be upset if many of your plans are altered to suit the girls,You will find that it is a critical point in the advancement in your relationship with them .At first it may seem senseless or somewhat disturbing ,but in the years to come you will realize it was the right thing to do.

My girls are all grown now, some of their friends relate to my wife and I as adopted parents .

On The Edge 1

Asa farther of an only child i have not yet been put into this situation but the conversation has come up between my wife and i. A few of the things we have disussed that would need to be discussed up front with all parties involved are

#1 Treat the guest child as one of the family with all the same attention and treatment you treat your own children
#2 both the child and her parents would need to know and understand that she will be held to the same HOUSE Rules your own children live by
#3 be prepaired and make prior arraingments to have the child sent back to her parents in the event things dont work out or in in the event of an
ememgency
#4 Be sure the child is given the oppertunity to keep in contact with her parents (schedule time for this once a day)
#5 make sure the parents know exactly what the weeks plans are (all activitys) so they are comfortable with what you have planned and if somthing unexpected comes up be sure they are comfortable with it before the plans are finalized.
#6 Because you are going to be so far away from home medical release forms need to be filled out in the event the child need medical attention.
#7 be sure you and your wife have a way to get in touch with the childs parents any time day or night.
#8 Make sure you have a lengthy and private conversation with the childs parents (a night out for dinner usualy works well) to discuss any allergies, or other medical conditions or limitations the child may have and be sure you are completely educaded and prepared to deal with them. This will also give the childs parents a comfort level with the people that till be looking out for their child. It is as import for you to be as good of friends with the childs parents as the children are

All the above are some thing that need to be addressed some are obvious and some not so obvious.

Also in some other above posts there are some legal considerations (and they are real) but it is my belief that if we live our lives around the fear of everything that COULD go wrong we will never live outside our little world..

Good luck with you vacation.

Just keep it real and everyone will have good memories that they will carry with them forever

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Eyeball

I wouldn't do it. From personal experience, one week out with a child that age is about the limit before homesickness sets in. 10-days at the most. By 2-weeks out she will be crying to go home and it will have nothing to do with you, just the sudden major change in environment. Think about this; if she, at her age, would be comfortable with your family for 6-weeks, what does that say about her situation at her own home with her own family?

It would be a lifetime memory for her if she could spend some time with you and your family doing those vacation things. My suggestion is to fly her to Maine, take her for no more than a couple of weeks, then fly her home. Pass on taking her to your folks on LI this year. You will also have a better idea on her tolerance levels with living close to your family for next year's vacation. And she will also be in a better position to decide if she wants to vacate with your family next year, too.

Jdizzle

Thats good now that we have scared the guys half to death . is your daughter and her inseparable best friends and the friends knows you like a father almost? If not yes I would see her getting home sick!!

dssmith

The original poster is soliciting opinions in a "dockside chat" forum.

".................so, basically, I am looking for some feedback from anyone here that has taken another families child on a vacation, what was the overall experience like, would you do it again, what are the drawbacks...if any...."

A couple of us have pointed out a number of different drawbacks....

I'm sorry if some of the "drawbacks" frighten or offend. Raising kids is a sometimes frightening task, full of hazzard and complication.

I'm going to presume the original poster is a grownup and will digest the advice given, and then make his own decision free of fright or terror.

Sprockets

I have a 15 year old daughter who is an only child. We have brought a friend with us on several family vacations. We considered all the potential downsides above, and had the parents sign a medical authorization form. I was careful not to be in a situation of being one to one with the friend only. That said, six weeks sounds too long to me. Maybe as an alternative the friend could fly up for 2 weeks or so.

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DrJim

HAve a plan for medical emergencies possibly including a signed consent for you to make decisions/authorize treatment if parents cannot be reached. Also have her insurance info.

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Thanks, everyone. Alot of good feedback here, some stuff I have already considered, some I haven't, just what I was looking for. I surely will have a meeting with both parents, over diner sounds like a good idea. I was thinking along the same lines, getting them to sign a release form/medical treatment form, in case of an emergency, god forbid. They have full insurance coverage, so that isin't an issue. The homesick issue, I considered, but, since the girl is shipped off for 5 weeks every summer and basically left alone with her Aunts dog, to play in a corn field, really, she is used to being away from her parents and home. She flys alone when she goes away for the summer, so, the flying her to and from Maine, actually sounds like a good idea. My daughter and I have a great bond, so, this isin't so much a bonding vacation as it is just for fun and relaxing....on previous trips, when my son was there, he was never bored, and easily made friends with alot of other children whether they were there for only a week or even less, my daughter is a bit on the shy side when it comes to meeting new people, so, having her best friend along would really make her trip more enjoyable...and, the other girl, is a sweet child, and is really excited about going....I think anything beats a dog and a cornfield.
My wife can't go, she started a new job. I understand the possible risks that were mentioned in here, I am not niave to those possibilities, but, I am aware and careful, the young lady is well mannered, has never shown any indication of abuse, and, I have no reason or cause to believe she would say or do anything that would cause me any trouble....true, you never can tell, but, I tend to go with my gut on certain issues, and, so far, have never been wrong. I want my daughters friend to have a memorable, enjoyable summer vacation as much as my own daughter, your only a child once, and, kids today have it alot rougher than when I was a kid. If I can do something to help a child out, show them a fun time, something to keep them away from the evil influences surrounding them, have some sort of positive impact, then, I'll do it.
As far as skipping the extended stay at my parents this year, yeah, that sounds like it may be a good idea, unless the girl has left early via plane for one reason or another....
Anyway, everyone made good points, covered alot of bases, and, I thank you all, again.
The final deciding factor, will be her parents, of course, even though they already said yes, we'll see how they react to signing the release forms, etc., and, the idea of flying her home should she decide she can't stand it any longer!
Thank you all, your input has been helpful and appreciated

CaptKennyW

i wouldnt do it, not in this day and age...

GhostShip

My wife can't go....................does raise-the-bar a bit, sad to say.[img]../images/emoticons/frown.gif[/img]

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FASTFJR

Thats a long time with somebody else's kid. We do it with my son's friends who are now 13 but thats for only 2 weeks. I feel sorry for the kid, her parents, if you want to call them that sound like real azz wipes.

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