Here's my take... There are perhaps 4 different types of vacations you can experience there.
1) Jam packed right in the middle of all the action. Houses on top of each other; lots of stuff for the kids to do within biking distance. Thin and crowned beaches. Not my thing
2) Other extreme... middle of nowhere... 30min beach ride to the North edge... ( I also didn't like it... 40min ride for coffee... beach used as a highway = no chasing crabs at night with the kids... truck/cars traveling everywhere...)
3) Long drive south past Hatteras to Ocracoke (historic; lots of open beaches, not much for kids to do).
4) My recommendation... South Oregon Inlet road... get as south as you can. Reasons...
4a) The beach is (well was) wide and at low tide is excellent for little kids.
4b) 5min walk south and you in the National seashore = no one around early in the morning... private walks with you're loved one... you get the idea.
4c) Short 10min drive north.. well maybe 15... and you right in the action for the kids.
4d) Short 5min drive south and your at Oregon Inlet.. boating, etc.
4e) Same short drive and you can drive your truck on the beach to the outside of Oregon Inlet... great for kids on the inside edge.. fishing outside(oh... took me two seasons to figure out there are no real fish in the summer... they were all in my home state of NH

4f) You're basically centrally located; you can hit Hatteras and Ocracoke easily... you can go north to the action.
In the end thou.. for us it was being able to have adult time in the early morning on a deserted beach; and a nicely sloping beach for the kids during the day... close enough to the action if desired.
Oh... get ready for the WORST FOOD imaginable in any of the restaurants in any of the tourist rags... sorry... it was all low quality.
The good news... is there's a hole in the wall place.. you know.. .needs paint... dirt parking lot... I'll remember or dig it up... its.... its... shoot... Pete's or... I found it via Google Earth... the lat/lon is below.
-75.55718067116835
35.26409890711614
There are a number of new homes right on the southern end with Pools...
Let me know if you have any questions...
-paul