Dear Mr or Mrs Yamaha Customer Service Coordinator

[crackerasscracker]

Hello, how are you today? Listen, I went to the web site and I have a few questions that are not answered there. It says you are not accepting email. This is something I would like to have answered by you. I called the 866 number and held for 17 minutes, I have to go now and I do not want to hold again for that long or longer. Please let me know when it will be more convienient for me to call...or heck, give me an email adress or something. You can PM it to me if need be. I am fixin to buy two motors from y'all so, I really kinda need to speak with you.


BTW, I really dug the music while on hold. Who would have thought y'all would have Ben Fold's Five and Butthole Surfers playing as your musac background while on hold......Good stuff...seriously

[Greygoose]

Dear Mr. Cracker Ass Cracker,

You are welcome to call back anytime during the hours of 8:00 am (est) and 8:15 am (est). Our offices are closed for lunch from 8:15 am (est) until 4:45 pm (est) at which time we are preparing to go home for the day. We are pleased that you enjoyed our music on hold; it is a new feature that we are offering customers since we can’t seem to keep up with the call volume during the holiday season, or any other time for that matter.

In the event you would like to email your questions or concerns please use the following address: CustomerService@doesn’texist.net We normally check for incoming mail on an annual basis and will respond within 10 years unless the volume is too heavy and then we will answer your questions as soon as possible or whenever we might find the time to get around to it.

As far as your impending purchase of our products is concerned we wish to thank you for your continued support and trust that you will find our products as reliable and rugged as they have been in the past. We are always striving to improve and offer the latest technology even if we have to release it to the market before testing.
Should you have any additional concerns or comments please feel free to contact me directly.

Sincerely,

[Glen E]

DreamComeTrue - 1/31/2005 2:32 PM

Dear Mr. Cracker Ass Cracker,

You are welcome to call back anytime during the hours of 8:00 am (est) and 8:15 am (est). Our offices are closed for lunch from 8:15 am (est) until 4:45 pm (est) at which time we are preparing to go home for the day. We are pleased that you enjoyed our music on hold; it is a new feature that we are offering customers since we can’t seem to keep up with the call volume during the holiday season, or any other time for that matter.

In the event you would like to email your questions or concerns please use the following address: CustomerService@doesn’texist.net We normally check for incoming mail on an annual basis and will respond within 10 years unless the volume is too heavy and then we will answer your questions as soon as possible or whenever we might find the time to get around to it.

As far as your impending purchase of our products is concerned we wish to thank you for your continued support and trust that you will find our products as reliable and rugged as they have been in the past. We are always striving to improve and offer the latest technology even if we have to release it to the market before testing.
Should you have any additional concerns or comments please feel free to contact me directly.

Sincerely,

and I think you should add

"and if you're calling with a problem, please look inside youself for what you could have done to bring on this problem. We have found that virtually all the problems we investigate end up to be owner abuse or improper dealer set up".

[ColdBusted]

That's funny right there, I don't care who you are!

[crackerasscracker]

Thank you ...uhh Sir/Mam,

I have some suggestions then. Please allow email correspondence. If emails are too overwhelming due to SPAM, use a Spam filter. You can even categorize the email via request links on the site. I really need to ask some questions here. I'm fixin to spend a lot of dough.

And as for continuing support, I have not owned a Yamaha product before...that I know of at least. I did own an Ultraman doll with the bonus Hyata fun pack which you may have made. My late Grandapa was a Naval Aviator, he said he was familiar with some of your products. He was very fond of Mitsubishi though. He said he had zero problems with them.....or was that problems with their zero's...hell I can't remember.....

anyhoo, I would again like to compliment you on your fine musac selection and would like to request some Sonic Youth or possibly The Cure for my next holding session......

[Somethin-Fishey]

Mitsubishi makes the electronics for Yamaha Outboards....or at least they make the interface kit for reading the computer. The little converter box I have has the diamond thing on it.

Dear Mr. Cracker Ass Cracker,

As I stated in my earlier correspondence you may feel free to use our inquiry email CustomerService@doesn’texist.net to relay any concerns or comments. One of my staff members will respond as soon as humanly possible or later if need be. Our overwhelming volume sometimes makes it difficult for us to care or even be remotely concerned.

And as far as our filters are concerned it is the feeling of the industry that we make the finest filters available, bar none. Our filters are produced to remove even the finest of particles or inquiries. I would offer to send you a free sample but they are backordered at this time. If in the future you would like a sample of our filters purchase one at any of our retail locations and please enjoy.

Again we thank you and your Grandfather for your continued support and look forward to serving you well into the future. We would also like to congratulate you and your ancestor on obtaining the Ace award. It is a highly prized and coveted award and you should be very proud since few people of your statue and position in life achieve this award.

As always if I can’t be of further service please contact me directly.



Sincerely,

PS: The music that you have requested is not available at this time due to a backorder within our production department. We are expecting production to be back to normal levels as soon as the employees return from lunch and or vacation as the individual case may be.

[fish factory]

As a Yamaha owner, I recently received info that the Customer Service site would be shut down for a few days end of January while Yamaha changed over to a system to better service their customers in China. The goofy musaz you hear is some old Canadian Marching tunes sung by Dudley Doright Yamaha borrowed from OMC.

hope this helps

[crackerasscracker]

I fairness to Yamaha, I could not find a phone # or email on the Suzuki website....

[Kid Stuff]

PS:Flied lice you plic sionara round eye !

[crackerasscracker]

I just called customer service at Mercury and actually spoke to a Verado. They speak 7 languages from what he told me. He said that Verados will also cut your lawn and have some pull at Augusta National. The Verado told me that he was gonna get me a tee time there in April......

[cgrand]

better than calling yamaha customer service and speaking to a verado...then you'd really have news

[SeaJay]

"and if you're calling with a problem, please look inside youself for what you could have done to bring on this problem. We have found that virtually all the problems we investigate end up to be owner abuse or improper dealer set up".

Right on. That is what I have been saying all along. Most, darn make that all - 100% of the problems with these engines are caused by the idiots who buy them. Can you imagine, boaters think they can use these engines for 30 hours without decarboning four or five times. One joker thought he could run them without indexing the plugs. And another refused to change the plugs after every 10 hours of use. Can you imagine that cheapskate. Sure a set of 6 official manufacturer plugs cost $89.99 plus tax, but is it too much to expect to have to spend a few dollars now and then to keep an engine running.

[Shenanigan]

Ok I guess I'm one of the idiots. I run ring free in every tank, but how do I decorbonize the motor?

[grin]

I actually got laughed at by someone at Yamaha. They laughed"hey frank! this guy trolls for hours and expects not to foul any plugs" HA HA HA(background everyone)HA HA HA! "Sir you have to reel in everything and run the motors up through the rpms every couple hours to clean them out. No motor can sit at low rpms for that long!".

The sad part is: This is not a joke! This really happened to me! This was part of my 2001 200 HPDI mess. As most of you know, I sold the machine with engines after 9 months of repowering with the 200 HPDIs back in 2001. The #1 reason I flipped and sold was because of the customer support people enraging me. I also got hung up on without cussing or anything at them. They did not have a reason in the world to hang up on a level headed customer holding his own. I just made my point they had not provided me with what they claimed when I bought and didn't let them side step around the issues and demanded action and wouldn't hang up. The gal hung up on me when she had exhausted her training line of detractions. All I wanted was to know what was next. I jumped through all their hoops and wanted another hopp to jump through. They were out of hoops. SO now you all know what happens when you get to the end of the hoop rainbow. YOU LOOSE!
I also tryed to get them to sell me some motors. While actually talking to the Yam support person I told them to find me a set of OX66 200s and I would buy them, and get rid of the HPDIs at my own expence. "Hey it's a sale with no strings attached" I told them! All this was after they gave me the runaround and couldn't do anything to help me for months. Yam customer service was absolutly a joke and pitiful. It was obvious to me those people are sitting there instructed to take calls and passify. They are obviously trained to never say anything substantial or sign up to accomplish anything. They are there to simply lead you on long enough for your warranty to expire! Actually you are better off not talking to anyone, feel lucky noone blew any smoke up your axx, because that's all they are going to do.

[sinjun]

those calls to yamaha customer service r probably transfered to someone in india.

[Tireless]

Dear Mr. Cracker-san,

We became aware of your call as most of our service techs surf the net during regularily scheduled office hours.* We apologize for any inconvenience our lack of contact information has caused you.* We temporarily limiled access to our service department to phone calls that appear to*originate from company friendly NE area codes (even big companies have called id).*

We debated the classification of Charleston, SC and decided the lack of proper education, running water, front teeth, proper hygene, pavement, medical facilities, sodemy*laws, family trees with branches*and electrification supported a Souther Region classification. Accordingly, your calls were screened.*

Your Yamaha-friendly tone and apparent willingness to look potential adversity in the eye and giggle suggests you are an ideal client for our products.* Given your success at our prepurchase screening test we offer the following answers to the questions we believe are important:

Question 1: Yes

Question 2: Not really

Question 3: Duh

Question 4:*Prove it

Question 5: No more then your sister has

Question 6: No more then your wife will

Question 7: Would you want that done to you

Question 8: We thought about that but it made too much sense

Question 9: As if anybody would admit to doing that

Question 10: Absolutely not and don't ever ask about that again

Question 11: We do*a lot of things to many people but that doesn't make us gay

Anyway, we hope those answers helped.* Please try to continously contact us as we have many great changes in store for our "preferred customers".* It is those customers that we cherish.* We are standing behind*each of you as*our*corporate*staff is forever firm in its*drive*to penetrate new niches.* Hopefully you can become a new niche for us soon.



Yamaha*Service Department*















BTW - just because you hear music doesn't mean we aren't listening to your*conversation while you wait for us to pick up.**The service tech that overheard your conversation with that co-worker strongly suggest you seek immediate spiritual, psychological, physical, legal,*financial and sexual counselling.* He simply wanted to remind you of this advice but was quite certain you have heard this before.* I do not have anymore details as said tech has suffered some sort of breakdown and has locked himself in a closet and it sounds like he is spanking himself and gargling a lot.

[dpdash]

As a Yamaha owner, one of the better threads on THT in a loooooooooooooooong time.

[bedgar]

crackerasscracker - 1/31/2005 3:10 PM

I fairness to Yamaha, I could not find a phone # or email on the Suzuki website....

714-572-1490
American Suzuki
Marine Customer Service
P.O. BOX 1100
Brea, CA 92822