Dockside Chat - You know yer a redneck if........

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11 Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23 You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

I use cool whip containers :)

Not as soup bowls, though.

Oh no, I hit on 10 out of 30!!!:)

You don't have a beer bong, so you pull up the pink flamingo in your front yard, cut off the beak and pour a beer in the bottom tilt it up and drink!!

You're still waiting for the punch line.

You go to family reunions to pick up chicks

You know your a redneck if you can`t count. 1,2,3,4 6,7 8. What up triumphrick :grin::grin::rofl::rofl::Q:Q

You use ancestry.com instead of eharmony.

Your family tree doesn't have many branches...........

If you are mowing your yard and find a car...

and my favorite......

If your bass boat cost more than your trailer...

your home is mobile but your car isn't.

You introduce your wife and sister and there is only one person beside you......

The whole family gets together to take the tires off your new home.

You are driving the car you were conceived in

Your neighbor's mail box is in front of your place.

You know your a (damn) yankee if you honestly believe you know everything about everything....

I'm guilty of these...

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You have a very special baseball cap
You own at least 20 baseball hats.

....if you've ever been too drunk to fish

You know your a redneck if you can`t count. 1,2,3,4 6,7 8. What up triumphrick :grin::grin::rofl::rofl::Q:Q

He had to delete # 5 because it just hit too close to home for him!:grin:

You might be a redneck if:

You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

...if you slap a cigarette out of your only child's hand, who is 13-years-old, at the dinner table and admonish her for smoking in front of the grandchildren.

You live in Masaryktown...

well, maybe not. Rednecks don't drive funny little furrin cars........

You know your a redneck if you can`t count. 1,2,3,4 6,7 8. What up triumphrick :grin::grin::rofl::rofl::Q:Q


That didn't take long.......:rofl:

You live in Masaryktown...

well, maybe not. Rednecks don't drive funny little furrin cars........

:thumbsup:

The Jerry Springer show ask you to sign a 3 year contract

you tell everyone you bought a new house and,
" Its being delivered Tuesday"

The 3 romantic words you whisper to your wife at bedtime are...



"pull my finger"

...if your idea of foreplay is "honey--get me another bud lite."

your neck gets caught in a clothesline....

walking across the living room

"if you read every post of this thread"....

Both true for a guy I know...

If you had to go to the next state to get married because you reached the limit in yours (he's on his 7th)

If you ever shot a hole in the floor of your house trailer to drain the water from an overflowing washer

You think you can do something because you saw it on a cartoon.

If you have an above ground pool and you fish in it...

If you have an above ground pool and you fish in it...

..Hey--at least mine is heated.....



/

A coworker bought his mother a .357 for christmas and ammo for her birthday.....
Some others:
your pickup has a 6" square wood rear bumper
You are considered upscale because you have 2 cars up on blocks
You have 5 or more dogs
you have 5 or more guns
you consider a bug zapper and a 6 pack as quality entertainment
You move your refrigerator and the grass is dead under it
your bass boat cost more than your truck
it takes a family portrait to show a full set of teeth

Redneck sex position: Rodeo
You mount the woman from behind, and reach around and grab her boobs.
Then you say: "geez, there are better than your sisters'"

Then you must hang on for 8 seconds........

You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

What are the last words of most rednecks?

"hey y'all...watch this!"

Now let me say..who would I want in a foxhole with me..a redneck, or some whiny ass pencil neck liberal from Massachusetts? Hell yea..gimme Bubba anyday!