Dockside Chat - Computer gurus, I need advice, Being stalked by ex wife

Gentlemen:

I have an ex wife that I've been divorced from for 16 years. She won't get on with her life, gets a big alimony check and, according to one or more of her friends, spends a lot of time stalking me on the internet, looking up every post I've made, what I have, what I do, etc. I'm in an alimony reduction battle right now because income has gone down and I've had kidney cancer and a kidney removed and still having trouble and, when her depo was taken, she admitted the reason she hasn't gotten a job or tried to earn a nickle to help herself is because "I knew if I had any income at all, I'd wind up right back here in court" (referring to the alimony reduction)

I know some of my accounts have been hacked. I was on AOL one day in my office and it signed me off stating something like "your session has ended because ..... has signed on from another location" I have talked with the police and AOL security and believe I can have her prosecuted if I can prove what she's been up to.

I think the Judge will order her computer examined under the proper circumstances, my question is what can be found and what should I have someone look for? The number of times the computer has searched my name, current wife's name, her childrens names, etc??

I believe I can structure something where a forensic computer guru can answer directly to the Judge how many searches, etc. and if it turns out as I think, I can handle the next step then. She has a lawyer that's milking her to death on fees, he tells me on the side he knows I will win, talks trash about her behind her back, but cowtows to her desire to make my life more miserable.(and himself more fees) He took my deposition and referred to emails from the Bahamas to my current honest, boat loving fisherman wife and it looked like she had hacked into my account which could put clients at risk. The ex was a cop, like me and she also was a private investigator.

Sure could use some advice. I am a lawyer, as many of you know and everything will be done appropriately and legally. I just need suggestions on what can be found and how. I know how to build a boat, bill a Marlin, but have never done well in picking ex wives.

PM me if you like and thank you in advance, I sure could use a little help here. I've having a tough time medically right now and hate to deal with this other crap, but have no choice.

You're a lawyer and you know exactly how this will end up. The depos, the forensics, and all the other crap is nothing but a churn - sorry, but let's call it like it is -- you, of all people, should be smart enough to know that it is exactly what it is.

Both sides can posture all they want with threats about "you hacked my account" and all that crap. You're wasting time. Did she hack the account? Probably -- and if so, it can be looked at as why was she able to hack it? Were you vigilant enough in protecting the information? It can go on and on and one.

In the end, they're going to look at the income, and more importantly the imputed income -- plug it all into a formula and order that amount paid. She'll then revisit it as soon as she's allowed to. She'll never let go - and you both know it.

Now, if you're buddy is representing you and it's free on your end -- and she's burning her own (well, yours really) cash in the churn -- then, like they say in your field, Churn that file baby --- Churn that file. LOL.

Ahhhh... I'm going to thank Jesus tonight for it being a nice clean break when I got rid of my ex pig. :)

Evidence like that would typically be cookies, browers history and temp files. Relatively easy to gather but you will either need the physical computer or a bit level copy with a chain of custody showing it has not be altered. Forensics companies usually have a binary analysis tool to search the data for keywords rather than combing over the drive. Also if you have any emails that you thing were sent from your account the header information usually contains the IP address from the machine it was sent from. Best thing to remedy the situation is to change all of your password to something complex and rotate them periodically.

If she knows anything about a computer or has a tach savvy friend it is pretty easy to make any and everything disappear as far as "evidence" on the computer. You can even do things like this without leaving a trace on a computer. Run something in a VM that is booted off of an ISO and when you power the VM off, there is nothing.

You need to get into your accounts, change your passwords and your security questions.

Want her to stop stalking, drop your current user names, etc and start fresh.

She can read what you post on forums and I'm pretty sure there is nothing that can be done about that.

Getting into the email, if you can prove it, might get something.

Is your ex really so smart she can hack your accounts? More than likely you have passwords that are easily cracked because they have some connection to you. Go to every online subscription/sign in and change them. Make them something that has no tie to you at all.

Yes, folks, I was dumb enough to have my mother's maiden name as a password that she would have known and also used a boat name. I never really worried about that until her girlfriend told me she was stalking me every day and then it made sense how I was signed off, etc.

I'm just looking for what questions to frame or what to have a forensic company look for. I'm not really a computer guy and don't know what can and can't be done. I know the ex and she is obsessed and has a daddy that gives her money on the side, a perfect combination for her lawyer.

I'm fighting the after effects of cancer and she's out for every nickle she can squeeze at any cost, wonder how I made the judgemental error of ever marrying her? The new wife is a dream, however, she actually asks me " can we fish tomorrow" when we are in the Bahamas.

Thanks so far............

Your best bet might be actually getting the girlfriend to testify.

Gotcha on the girlfriend thing, she has given me plenty, just need to prove things.

Being law enforcement you know as well as anyone, you are on a slippery slope. In a criminal case, without documentation, it is nearly impossible to prove that SHE actually hacked your accounts, although it is fairly easy to prove her cpu (someone on it) did(numerous precedents set here on this). So, cut your losses, follow the great advice already posted on here about starting fresh, and let her fade away. Love and hate aren't opposites, love and indifference are, so just be done with her. Even a civil case(where it is simply a "majority" versus reasonable doubt) will give her the attention she is seeking, and what end state are you truly looking for? Wiping your hands (and cpu) of her will make your life with your new sweetie much more pleasant.

One more thing, By trying to take legal action you are giving her what she wants. You are showing her some attention. Just change them and move on. Dont even mention what you have done to anyone. just do it and forget it. If she doesnt get a reaction from you she will become bored and find a new hobby

If she knows anything about a computer or has a tach savvy friend it is pretty easy to make any and everything disappear as far as "evidence" on the computer. You can even do things like this without leaving a trace on a computer. Run something in a VM that is booted off of an ISO and when you power the VM off, there is nothing.

You need to get into your accounts, change your passwords and your security questions.

Want her to stop stalking, drop your current user names, etc and start fresh.

She can read what you post on forums and I'm pretty sure there is nothing that can be done about that.

Getting into the email, if you can prove it, might get something.

X2 BTW... She will never change. She is reading this now. Get a new email address.

I agee with all the advice, it's more of a survival issue right now. If she hacked accounts, I need to know because of other issues and I need to take other actions, I just need to know how to ask and what to ask for.

I have changed passwords, etc. and really don't care that she sits around reading everything I post instead of trying to get a job or help herself, I just need to deal with her hacking, if it occured as I think.

Is she did hack, I have to notify each client that communications may have been compromised and that never gives a client a warm feeling. I don't want to do that till I know more.

Thanks for the pm and advice, believe it or not, we've been divorced 16 years, she's a mean one. No kids, only married 13 years.

You've been divorced longer than you were married, and you're still paying alimony..with no kids?

What are the particulars here? I just don't understand.

I am a computer guy. I think you are barking up the wrong tree. Without installing monitoring software on her pc, there is not necessarily -that- much information stored on her end about what she's doing. Yes it is possible that you'll find some data; (see billdz's post) you could probably come up with a good list of websites she has visited, and possibly things she has searched for, but I don't think the antagonizing her is worth the possible reward. Plus, If she even went to a slight bit of trouble to hide or clean the data, it would be gone.

Now, that's from HER end. From the receiving end, it IS possible to track back website logins etc to her IP address, and ther's a fair chance that address is static and reasonable to trace back to her. However, at that point you need cooperation of the website owner to figure it out. For instance, THT could probably tell you if you had shown as logged in from her pc's ip address, in a nicely time stamped log file.

...I just need to deal with her hacking, if it occured as I think...

Not a "computer expert" here but.... how could you ever prove that your ex-wife hacked your AOL account. Can you PROVE that you never mentioned the account information to her?

Flot, that's what I was looking for thanks. For instance, as I gather, AOL might show that my account was signed in from her IP address. I have record of the date and approximate time it last occured. There are some other issues I can't discuss here, but I get it and thank you. Would it be possible to determine from her computer how many searches she did on me, my wife, home address, etc? Would Google maintain those records?

If it shows that after 16 years she is still googling me every few days or more often, it gets the message to the court as to what we are dealing with here. Her lawyer had a stack of documents which looked like emails and I saw one was my current wife's wedding picture blown up 8x10.

iFly, not sure how to prove it, but I'm learning from the groups help. A subpoena to AOL for log in information from certain days would probably do the trick I bet.

Roger,

I'm sorry I can't do anything to help out here - I'm not very good with the tech stuff you're trying to find. :roll

BUT, I just wanted to say "Hi", as you had given me some help and advice when I was handling my late aunt's estate and I truly apprecited that! :thumbsup: Also, I really hope your health issues continue to improve! ;)

I feel like I "know" you ever since I posted the pic of your Bert "38 Special" that I had taken in Deltaville, and we ALMOST ended up having a drink together when you came up to take "her" back to FL. ;cool;

Take care and I hope everything will get squared away here - 16 years is a long time to be followed around, so to speak, by an ex! :nono:

Regards,

Man, That whole situation just sucks. I wish I could help, but not my field. I know you wish you could "hack" her back.




"hack" her into pieces that is..............

;?You think she is reading this post ?

Appears you are a long standing member and her knowledge of your love of boats......she may even be posting on your post

Loose lips sink ships, Hire a computer guru and go from there.

Good luck I HAVE FELT YOUR PAIN ON THIS ONE

;?You think she is reading this post ?

Appears you are a long standing member and her knowledge of your love of boats......she may even be posting on your post

Loose lips sink ships, Hire a computer guru and go from there.

Good luck I HAVE FELT YOUR PAIN ON THIS ONE

Take it a step further. She may have logged on as Shark1007 and started this thread. Afterall, she did "hack" some of his accounts.

Regarding the Google searches, she may have a Google Alert set up to alert her any time your name/screen name is mentioned on the internet. She would get an email from Google with links to where the name is used.

I use these alerts for several names and phrases.

SHARK - It sounds like my life all over. My ex is/was nutso and a computer junkie. In addition to trying to hack my stuff online, she posted lie after lie (She's nutz and to her her postings were her truth) about me, mt friends and associates. She tied both my personal and work phones up with call after call - over night, she'd fill the voice mail boxes up so they'd have to be emptied in the morning. The good part, my LAST alimoney payment occurs in September.

My advice, forget her - believe me, I know it's not easy. Be anal about your passwords, usernames, hint questions, etc. If the hacking reaches out to credit cards and the like, then spend a few bucks and freeze your credit rating. That way, if someone tries to open or alter one of your accounts and an inquiry is made on your credit, you'll receive notification and it might give you a shot at nabbing her.

Get on with your life, fo fishing in the Bahamas with your new lady.

Great advice folks, thank you. Google alert may be the deal. I will check with Google and see what their policy is regarding compliance with court order, etc. I bet that's the deal.

When I called her to advise income was down and we would need to address alimony, she threatened suicide, said she was trying to decide what day to do it that would f___ with me the most, my birthday, etc. and then the "dig" ... "do you still have the boats in the bahamas? and do you still.... and..." which was a snippy way of letting me know she was keeping tabs on me. We even set her depo in the court house so she would go thru a metal detector, she has a carry permit and is in a nothing to lose mode right now.

All will work out, I believe, but if she has done what we believe, it's a criminal offense and a security issue for myself and new wife and our client communications, etc.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

disimformation post some bull that you know will get her goat and get her to react to smething you have posted and the only way she could of known was to hack you something financial will do,lotto ,inheritance etc and she will run and try to come after nothing and look foolish in court

Just thank your lucky stars....My ex married an older guy that's wife had just left him a few months before I ran her off. The guy lives directly across the street from me, and the ex takes advantage of every chance she gets to come over and talk...email...text. etc. My stalker is across the street. I would get creative with passwords, and change every one I could think of. One EASY way to do that is come up with a word, and replace some letters with numbers, such as a 3 instead of an "E" or a 1 instead of an "I"......that makes for a good tough password to hack.

she threatened suicide...

Send her a copy of this:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/JAPAN-Complete-Manual-Suicide-Kanzen-Jisatsu-Manyuaru-/271011030976?_trksid=p4340.m1850&_trkparms=aid%3D222002%26algo%3DSIC.FIT%26ao%3D1%2 6asc%3D11%26meid%3D416109137969065133%26pid%3D1000 11%26prg%3D1016%26rk%3D1%26

Injunction

Roger,
I feel for you brother...Be aware she maybe reading what your posting so she is probably aware what your actions...I wish you all the best with your health issues...If there is anything I can do to help you out or advice (5-0 wise) let me know...

Yikes, the description shows it is used. I wonder if it's an estate sale.

Who still uses AOL?

Not to be more of a jerk, but facebook and all that stuff isnt great for your privacy to begin with. How can she even see your posts?

I have one of those too.........been 13 for me.
I just feed her a bunch of "secrets" then she goes out and makes a fool of herself.

It's a blast watching this little minded woman relish in false information.

You might want to consider hiring a computer/private eye to spy on yourself. At least bring in a security guru to go over everything you are doing and close up any security breaches.

I'm old school with the AOL, I guess. I don't have facebook and nothing I post is problematic, just wierd having a nutcase searching for everything you do instead of getting on with life. Make no mistake, the divorce was worth it, I could still be married to her and that would be much much worse.

She's choreographed her entire life to try to avoid losing the free ride and that's really sad for her. She was a very capable intelligent woman in the day and could have gone the other way and had a bright future. Now she will lose the ride and have been stagnant for decades, never preparing for the future. I have a strong chance of having the reduction being retroactive to the filing date (which means she owes me 50K or so) and I have a new wife that's a lawyer who is itching to collect the back pay, so it ain't all that bad.

This case will be used in the legislature to show how perm. alimony is destructive to small minded folks who never have the personal motovation to help themselves, there is a bill pending and my ex is the example of the unreasonableness of perm. alimony. Her depo testimony will make her famous. " I knew if I had any income at all I'd wind up right back here in court"

I was recently involved in a lengthy business litigation arbitration with both sides bringing in forensic computer experts. Anyway, it was VERY expensive and one party further wanted to subpoena records from Google and backed off because of the difficulty involved. Mind you this party was a fortune 500 company that had already spent 3+ MM on the case, so they knew the ropes. While I am sure Google, AOL, FB, etc... would comply with a court order, it may be difficult [read:costly] to get. Then again, you want to subpoena records for YOUR account, as opposed to another party's account, so that may be easier to achieve. It is my understanding that Google, et.al. only keep logs for 6 months, so anything older than that would not be available. Best of luck with your health and your new gal, I have always enjoyed your posts and builds.

Thanks. I'm just trying to spoon feed law enforcement, sometimes they don't want to do the hard work. If I can gather the info. and present it to them, it makes an easy conviction without much work on their side. They are willing to look at the case, just need it to be made easy for a decision on their part. I think if she's been doing what I think and I can prove it, this will finally stop her. The IP address seems to be the secret here.

Thanks all for the PM's too. I beat the cancer so far, if I can get the stalker off my back, life will be much easier.

When I called her to advise income was down and we would need to address alimony, she threatened suicide, said she was trying to decide what day to do it that would f___ with me the most, my birthday, etc.

Not to seem cold hearted, but I would have told her that she could choose whatever date she wanted and that I would sleep better the night after it happened than I had since before I met her.

I'm old school with the AOL, I guess. I don't have facebook and nothing I post is problematic, just wierd having a nutcase searching for everything you do instead of getting on with life. Make no mistake, the divorce was worth it, I could still be married to her and that would be much much worse.

She's choreographed her entire life to try to avoid losing the free ride and that's really sad for her. She was a very capable intelligent woman in the day and could have gone the other way and had a bright future. Now she will lose the ride and have been stagnant for decades, never preparing for the future. I have a strong chance of having the reduction being retroactive to the filing date (which means she owes me 50K or so) and I have a new wife that's a lawyer who is itching to collect the back pay, so it ain't all that bad.

This case will be used in the legislature to show how perm. alimony is destructive to small minded folks who never have the personal motovation to help themselves, there is a bill pending and my ex is the example of the unreasonableness of perm. alimony. Her depo testimony will make her famous. " I knew if I had any income at all I'd wind up right back here in court"

what is bill number and who is sponsor?

HB 549 and the sponsor was Rich Workman from Brevard County.

It made it to the Senate and was shot down because too many of the senator's law partners did divorce work, I was told. I think it passed house 17-1.

It will be back and my ex and her testimony (on video) will likely be a feature demonstrating what perm alimony does to the unmotivated takers in society. In Florida, unlike other states, it never ends till she gets married or I die or financial circumstances drastically change as in my case.

I'm fighting serious medical issues and haven't worked in months, she's taking routine tennis lessons at $250.00 a pop on my dime.

In Florida, unlike other states, it never ends till she gets married or I die or financial circumstances drastically change as in my case.

I'm fighting serious medical issues and haven't worked in months, she's taking routine tennis lessons at $250.00 a pop on my dime.




The stress and worrying about all of this can not be good for your health, you have a wife that you love and who loves you and the apparent means so why not just retire to the Bahamas or some other location outside of the courts jurisdiction and end the alimony today?

Wow. Just wow. But I understand. Wimmens is vindictive as hell. And they don't forget. Like the text I got on my cellphone New Years... "Happy f**** New Years, you f**** azz***"

I was like 'Huh?' Must be one of my fishin' buddies screwin' around with me. Reverse look up on the phone number... gee, isn't that special? My ex-wife, divorced in '95, 17 years ago. I guess she still cares!!! Hahaha! :grin:

Others here have given you sound advice. Super secure your accounts with strong passwords. Get the alimony reduced. Let the rest of it go and get on with your life as if she never existed.

Just curious. Any chance your ex (or someone working on her behalf) has had physical access to one of your computers? If so, she could have loaded a keystroke logger, just about anything. Hope you use good security software on your machine.

I am an attorney in CT.

To the OP your post, I mean really?

HB 549 and the sponsor was Rich Workman from Brevard County.

It made it to the Senate and was shot down because too many of the senator's law partners did divorce work, I was told. I think it passed house 17-1.

It will be back and my ex and her testimony (on video) will likely be a feature demonstrating what perm alimony does to the unmotivated takers in society. In Florida, unlike other states, it never ends till she gets married or I die or financial circumstances drastically change as in my case.

I'm fighting serious medical issues and haven't worked in months, she's taking routine tennis lessons at $250.00 a pop on my dime.

Why was she awarded alimony to begin with? Did she not work at all?

Sadly, you need to give up all online screennames and remove all your past boats and locations first and foremost.

You should be Mikebiker from Billings, MT so she can never find you.