Dockside Chat - I'm 40, wife wants kids- thoughts?

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Wife is 37. We are both white collar professionals.

This evening she said she wanted kids (in a point blank kind of way). I'm totally cool with it but, seriously I am, but I am trying to weigh our options if it is too late.

Her parents were 40 when they were blessed with her and my parents were 21 or 22 when they had me.

Should we just focus on enjoying each other after 15 years of marriage or go for it? Those that have had kids at age 40 or after, help me out.

-Keith

First of all....Happy Birthday!

My son has just turned 38...and we had our first grandson last December! Plus they are expecting bambino number two..!!

He seems to do just fine. He is squared away and a caring loving Dad....

Do you have any children from a previous marriage or this your first?

What would happen if you said NO?

I certainly wouldn't wait any longer. You may find at your ages that getting pregnant isn't as easy as you might think.

I was 30.5 and my wife was 32 when we had our twin boys, it's been a busy 16 years since then, being a father is my favorite thing in the whole world.

Have kids. It's a blessing and way more rewarding than chasing a career,

Remember practice makes perfect. An in law had one in his early 60s, crazy 2nd wife and has very little to do with any of his childrens lives (see 40 yro daughter/stripper).

Just have fun with it.

I was 40 when my daughter was born. Pushing 50 now and have enjoyed every minute. There is no way I would have been as good of a parent or enjoyed it nearly as much if I had her when i was in my 20's. I am not sweating the financial burden and am much more patient than I ever was. I don't party nearly as much as I did in my 20's either so it all works out really well. And if I hear one more person say "yeah, but you're too old to throw the ball around or do stuff with her", I am gonna go ballistic. my 10 YO has a real hard time keeping up with me and I am not in the best of shape.
Anyhow, I say go for it!!!

If you are not a father yet, This will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Life takes on a whole new meaning when your a dad.

I'd slit my wrists.

Run, Forrest, run.....

A high school buddy just had a daughter....he and I are both 40. Lots of people are waiting til your age to have kids. Not my choice as I was 24/27/30 when mine were born but if your both healthy and stable..go for it.

She's been thinking about it and talking about it with her friends for a long time. Trust me on that one.

She has decided that she needs...(don't confuse a Need with a Want when it's a personal thing) kid(s).

You are a good candidate for being a donor...and laughing aside, this is what it is at this point in time...either you or somebody will give her a child.

The money you guys make means nothing when compared to the process of raising a child or two. You spend gobs of money on them and wish that money wasn't what you could give more of...you wish you could spend your precious time with helping them become young people.

It's like walking in space. No way to understand it unless you've been there. I love my kids.

Why now after fifteen years?

You should have started fifteen years ago but with that being said, kids are great!

I had my first when I was 35 and my second at 40 I am now 52.

Love them to pieces however more often I now find myself thinking it would have been easier starting 5 perhaps 10 years earlier. I have colleagues and friends/family who are my age and have kids either in college or finished by now and after all these years of hitting bricks day in and day out I find myself wanting to do more things with my wife and enjoying life to the fullest.

The kids are at an age where vacations and even quick getaways with mom and dad are to cool for school kind of in between years I wish it would have happened years ago to free up the time with my wife.

For instance I have 2 weeks off in a few days and the oldest has a job which limits the days he can be away from his pocket money job so he has one when he gets back and the younger one needs to take a friend in the older ones place or he will be bored Instead of going away for a couple of weeks I will be trying to maximize the free time everyone has with a calender as if I was at the office. Baseball game here day on the boat there, few days at an amusement park, and or a long weekend golfing at a resort.

The wife does'nt seem to be into the just her and I time during these 2 weeks if the younger one does'nt want to go down to the marina and I get the feeling I will be longing to get back to work and feel productive before long.

Can honestly say knowing what I do know now I would not do it. Life has a way of passing you by faster and faster with every passing day/season/year when you get to a certain age.

I know I am at that point.

Good luck with your decision. And I give you kudos for coming to THT for some insight.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get hitched till I was 40. Well I almost made it, missed by 22 days. My wife is 8 years younger and her mother clock was ringing off the hook and we brought my son in to the world 2 years later. Now 18 years later I reflect my single years and those of being a father and kick myself for not doing it sooner. You will realize the difference between gratifying yourself and fulfilling yourself.

At least your name is not Cleavon...........

dang, they's be a hole lotta white folks in dat tree.........not usta dat many!









:rofl::rofl:

Reality.
If you try and she wins ( notice how I worded that) now, you will be 41 when the baby or babies are born. After 4 years of collage you will be at retirement age.
This means the rest of your life, will be devoted to raising kids.
I have to agree with the others. It would have been better to start early then to set the pace for the rest of your life that you can't change, but thats just my view...
Be careful. Remember its not up to you. If she wants then and sex is still something you enjoy, she'll have then if your ready or not. Its called........ SUPRISE....

Do you have any children from a previous marriage or this your first?

First marriage for both of us.

I 'm 43 and have a 17 year old daughter and a 19 MONTH old son. My daughter is from my first wife. I couldn t be any happier with my son...hes keeping me young!

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Wife is 37. We are both white collar professionals.

This evening she said she wanted kids (in a point blank kind of way). I'm totally cool with it but, seriously I am, but I am trying to weigh our options if it is too late.

Her parents were 40 when they were blessed with her and my parents were 21 or 22 when they had me.

Should we just focus on enjoying each other after 15 years of marriage or go for it? Those that have had kids at age 40 or after, help me out.

-Keith

Wife and i are 45 no kids married 22 years she wants to adopt.:o Join the club bro. I have no idea what to do? Have ameeting with the adoption lawyer tomorrow. I am freaking out

I know some sad people that never had kids. I dont know of anyone that regreats having them. I really cant even imagine not having ours. ( will post pictures in a minute) ;)

I had my first (boy) at 39 & my 2nd at 40. Time has flown by and I have loved every ninute of being a dad. Being a husband has been tough but the dad parts really compensates for it.

good luck

If you are wondering what it would be like to have kids/ babies; step up to the plate and do some baby sitting and then times that experience by a 1000 plus days. The wife and I always said that was birth control enough for us.

If you have a dog or two then you shouldn't have a problem with have a kid or two….you would be accustomed to being tied down.

Are you prepared to kissing your personal freedoms right out the door if you have kids?

Twenty years ago with your wife, did you guys plan on having kids when you reached 40 or is this one of those last minute “I’m missing out of something here in life feelings?” Are you sure this isn’t a Smith’s vs the Jone’s thing?

If you start now, how do you think you'll feel when you're 50 - 55 and all your friend's kids have move out of the house and your friends have the freedoms in life to do as they please when you'll be pulling your grey hair out wondering where the hell you son or daughter is at 9 - 10:00 at night.

Will your social life with your friends survive the restrictions that will be placed on your reduce social life in the future?

Wife and i are 45 no kids married 22 years she wants to adopt.:o Join the club bro. I have no idea what to do? Have ameeting with the adoption lawyer tomorrow. I am freaking out
Good luck with that one Waddill. I was adopted. Same story. Mom wanted to adopt, father didn't. Mom won. Could always tell father was backed off with the issue my entire life. I was the replacement after their child died and mom could not have another one. Father was 42 when I came into the picture. Father and I were never close. Mom and I were tight. Its a hard row to hoe if your heart really isn't in it. Just make sure she knows how you really feel and hiding your feelings for the rest of your life, to make her happy is not going to be easy.
On a funny note, their last name was Foster so I'm still,,,,, a Foster child. :grin:

Wife and i are 45 no kids married 22 years she wants to adopt.:o Join the club bro. I have no idea what to do? Have ameeting with the adoption lawyer tomorrow. I am freaking out
Take her to Chuckie Cheese for a couple hrs. She'll change her mind.

I retired at age 55 and the kids were already on their own. When you're 55, you'll still be looking foward to high school graduation. When you're 60, you'll be attending that graduation and looking at colleges. When you're 64, hopefully looking at college graduation and maybe graduate school?

Not my cup of tea..........and not yours - or you wouldn't be asking.

Yes Yes Yes

Do it now

What's the point without them

this question is possibly tougher than "help me buy a used boat"

actually in this world 40 is a good time. your probably a lot more centered than you were 15 years ago, and hopefully more financially fit. my dad turned 40 the year i was born and my older brother was always jealous cause by that time my dad had more time to do stuff with me because he was more established in his career and financially. cant imagine life without my kids....lay the ham to her

You got to start practising fast,
because it's not easy for a woman to get pregnant at 40.

She was to buy a ovulation kit, and you got to start "Sexercising".

get fixed

Kids kinda suck. They're great when little. The whole baby thing is great, tottler age is the best, then they get a little older, out of diapers, more self sufficient, little people, then 13 hits and you have never been so disrespected, insulted, hurt , frustrated, upset, confused. I.ve beed treated worse by the two people(my 2 boys, 19 & 14)that I've sacrificed more for than anyone or anything else in my life. My older one is off to college soon and we can't wait. The younger one is off to high school so one step closer to getting him out. Having said all that I beleive we would have been divorced if not for the kids. It takes the focus off of you two and definetly makes you a better person. I beleive it is part of life and if you can experience it it will be worth it. I think. I'm told by others that if you are a good parent and do your best you will really enjoy them again when they grow up. Waiting to see on that one. But this is as hones an answer i can give. And I was 40 when my 14yr old was born, that's not too old but stay in shape and take care of yourself so you can keep up.

Good luck

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Wife is 37. We are both white collar professionals.

This evening she said she wanted kids (in a point blank kind of way). I'm totally cool with it but, seriously I am, but I am trying to weigh our options if it is too late.

Her parents were 40 when they were blessed with her and my parents were 21 or 22 when they had me.

Should we just focus on enjoying each other after 15 years of marriage or go for it? Those that have had kids at age 40 or after, help me out.

-Keith

I had my kids when I was young but it was a struggle along the way and now at your age I was a grandpa but it's cool having kids now you'll find more time for them and your more experienced in life so you'll be a better dad at your age. I say "Just Do It" or if need I'll volunteer with her to get it started :grin:

If you are wondering what it would be like to have kids/ babies; step up to the plate and do some baby sitting and then times that experience by a 1000 plus days. The wife and I always said that was birth control enough for us.

If you have a dog or two then you shouldn't have a problem with have a kid or two….you would be accustomed to being tied down.

Are you prepared to kissing your personal freedoms right out the door if you have kids?

Twenty years ago with your wife, did you guys plan on having kids when you reached 40 or is this one of those last minute “I’m missing out of something here in life feelings?” Are you sure this isn’t a Smith’s vs the Jone’s thing?

If you start now, how do you think you'll feel when you're 50 - 55 and all your friend's kids have move out of the house and your friends have the freedoms in life to do as they please when you'll be pulling your grey hair out wondering where the hell you son or daughter is at 9 - 10:00 at night.

Will your social life with your friends survive the restrictions that will be placed on your reduce social life in the future?

and yet you sound so happy all the time...

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Wife is 37. We are both white collar professionals.

Red flag- Who it going to quit their career to RAISE the child?
Certainly not a Nanny, Day Care, baby sitter or grandparents, right?
One of you will do it.

This evening she said she wanted kids (in a point blank kind of way).

Red flag- Having a child for the REST OF YOUR LIFE is not something that is just decided all the sudden.

I'm totally cool with it but, seriously I am, but I am trying to weigh our options if it is too late.

Having a child is not something you are cool with.
It is something you thought about when you were becoming an adult.
It is a long process, dating, marriage, planning, sacrifice, being stable enough to provide for everyone, etc, etc.....

Options?- The child come first...that's the only option!

No, it is not too late if that is REALLY what the both of you want and one of you are willing to quit your job, raise the child and put them first before EVERYTHING including boating if that is what is needed.

Her parents were 40 when they were blessed with her and my parents were 21 or 22 when they had me.

Both paths worked for each set of parents so it could work for you also.

Should we just focus on enjoying each other after 15 years of marriage or go for it? Those that have had kids at age 40 or after, help me out.

You can enjoy each other, friends, family, and their kids or even become a Big Brother, Big Sister, mentors, etc....

Again, I do not think having kids is something you "go for". It is a process and during that process is when you find out deep down if having the responsibility of being a parent is something you are prepared for, understand and are willing to put above everything else in both of your lives without ever questioning it.

-Keith

Sorry for being so blunt but we are honest because we care. :Q
I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

I am 55 and the wife 52. Both kids are finished college, out of the house and well adjusted.
We are in the next chapter in our lives.
In a strange way it is similar to when we didn't have children yet and it was just the two of us.
"Turn the page"

(NOTE: The RED color does not indicate anger or rage, it's just a color, nothing more, nothing less.)


.

Ask Larry King I think he,s 80 something an just had a kid!

Run!

I am 40 and have a 1 year old, along with 6 & 8 year olds... greatest thing in (my) world is the kids.

If you are worried about your free time/social life - don't. You will be just fine.
If you are worried about boating - don't. My kids went out with us from 1 month.
If you are worried about money - stop. Its all going away, either from a kid or a divorce.

Your life will change, but for the better. And now that the little ladys baby engine is running, you don't have a choice. You will have a kid, or you will be miserable.

Women have 4-5 built in engines.
Going "steady" engine - Small bore weed wacker/chainsaw...
Engagement engine - 4 Cyl econobox power plant.
Marrage/Wedding planning engine - 8 Cyl Supercharged screamer

The final engine - the baby engine. DD 12V92 Turbo - you aint stopping that beast.

Have kids. It's a blessing and way more rewarding than chasing a career,

X2 i wish we would have started sooner.

Do it..... But as said before - be prepared - they will consume your life... No more trips without them,, no more spontaneous outings,,,, etc, etc... But it is an amazing journey....

In 7 years my youngest will be off to college and I will be 53..... I plan to travel non stop until I stroke out hiking some mountain in the Alps or run out of money ....

.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f0p5KqdU9U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP-Sxfntdb4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9B-3Nx5Rno

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-36164657001/lonestar_mr_mom_official_music_video/



And a couple just for the two of you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBErCVNP6rM&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCjXaEbrLdw




:grin::grin:



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The Guy in the Glass
by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934


When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Well I am 30 and the wifey 27 and she is due well......any day. A true Honeymoon Baby. This will be the first for both of us. While I cannot comment on the stresses of raising him yet or the age at which you will beginning. Pregnancy has already changed our lives. Its all good though. For me, I would not change it for the world. Good luck on your decision.

I am almost in the exact situation as you. I am 40 wife is 38, married 14 years...No kids. Both Professionals and she works a lot.... We had some issues a few years ago but we are solid now. We talk about maybe adopting a kid...or still having one but I am indifferent to it. Some of my friends around the same age have recently had kids and they seem ok with it...although I think after 40 years of doing what you want it will take some serious adjustments.

I got married the first time when I was 30, she was the same age as me.
We were divorced 3 years later (her choice -- and as it turns out, worked out great for me!) The "plan" with her was that after she finished school we would have kids... her plan, clearly was to get out of school and take her parting gift... again, I'm cool with that - now. ;)

A few years later I met my current wife and we got married, and had our first kid 10 months later. He was born in 2008, I was 37 she was 34.
We had our second kid 2 years later... I was 39 she was 36. I've been "informed" that there are no more kids available at the kid factory. LOL. Which I agree with. (especially since we don't have maternity care with our FL health insurance plan. LOL)

My point to sharing the history and all? You need to know what your wife's agenda is. If it's a wholesome agenda, and she had an epiphany that she wants kids, get a great OB-GYN and an even better perinatal specialist. You won't want to hear this, and the "new woman" of today REALLY hates to hear it, but here goes, YOU ARE OLD... that doesn't mean you can't have kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN!!!! Just know the risks and make sure you have the best care. For the sake of the pending little one!!

On the the other hand, if she's doing it to secure a monthly check and has other plans... you're screwed. (Which, if you read between the lines of replies in this thread about "run forest run", etc... there you go. Be careful!

And lastly... if you decide to have kids... HAVE FUN DOING IT!!!!! Don't "try" or any of that crap. That's a recipe for failure. Have a ton of sex -- and have fun.

Having kids is a ton of fun and I couldn't be happier. There are years I want to send my ex wife a Christmas card thanking her for being a gold-digging c*^t -- best thing that could have EVER happened to me!

:)

This vvvvv

If you are wondering what it would be like to have kids/ babies; step up to the plate and do some baby sitting and then times that experience by a 1000 plus days. The wife and I always said that was birth control enough for us.

If you have a dog or two then you shouldn't have a problem with have a kid or two….you would be accustomed to being tied down.

Are you prepared to kissing your personal freedoms right out the door if you have kids?

Twenty years ago with your wife, did you guys plan on having kids when you reached 40 or is this one of those last minute “I’m missing out of something here in life feelings?” Are you sure this isn’t a Smith’s vs the Jone’s thing?

If you start now, how do you think you'll feel when you're 50 - 55 and all your friend's kids have move out of the house and your friends have the freedoms in life to do as they please when you'll be pulling your grey hair out wondering where the hell you son or daughter is at 9 - 10:00 at night.

Will your social life with your friends survive the restrictions that will be placed on your reduce social life in the future?

Have kids. It's a blessing and way more rewarding than chasing a career,

100% agree with this statement. :thumbsup: And happy birthday!

One thing to think about though...will you be in shape to keep up with them when you get to 50 and they are 10 running around doing what kiddos do At 60 will you still be in shape enough to keep up with them when they are 20?

100% agree with this statement. :thumbsup: And happy birthday!

One thing to think about though...will you be in shape to keep up with them when you get to 50 and they are 10 running around doing what kiddos do At 60 will you still be in shape enough to keep up with them when they are 20?

I don't think we should assume it is more rewarding than chasing a career for all people. Everyone doesn't have to have kids. This is a messed up world your bringing them into. For what, so you can have a more rewarding life? Way harder than when alot of us were kids. It's kind of scary. Where is the world going? So it doesn't have to be for everyone is my point.

.................................
For instance I have 2 weeks off in a few days and the oldest has a job which limits the days he can be away from his pocket money job so he has one when he gets back and the younger one needs to take a friend in the older ones place or he will be bored Instead of going away for a couple of weeks I will be trying to maximize the free time everyone has with a calender as if I was at the office. Baseball game here day on the boat there, few days at an amusement park, and or a long weekend golfing at a resort.

.....................


This is not an issue because of your age, if you had kids at 24 (like I did), you would be faced with the EXACT same problem at 40 (like I am).

Remember, they are like Pringles....You cant have just one.

Im 45 and we have a 1 yo an 8 yo and 2 12 yo twins.

Dont worry about throwing the ball with your kids...Just use a bat and hit pepper to 'em. Easier on the shoulder muscles.

Those with kids please respond to my upcoming thread about how horrible 12 yo girls act toward their "friends".

Good Day!

The short answer is no, because it is not fair to the child. You will be going on 60 when he/she is twenty, too big of an age gap.

I don't think we should assume it is more rewarding than chasing a career for all people. Everyone doesn't have to have kids. This is a messed up world your bringing them into. For what, so you can have a more rewarding life? Way harder than when alot of us were kids. It's kind of scary. Where is the world going? So it doesn't have to be for everyone is my point.

You have a point too Tuna. I know some miserable people with awesome careers with big bank accounts and also know miserable people with a house full of kids and not much money. It's all what you make of what you're given.

And about it being a messed up world...damn straight, that it is but one or two of the kiddos we talk about will make changes to this world and make it a better place for future generations. You can count on that. :thumbsup:

I had kids at 41 (twins). I love them to death and they have been raised right, good kids etc although not without a few problems. Honestly though , If I had it to do over, I doubt I'd have kids at that late of an age.
Did I mention how expensive they are? LOL

I don't think we should assume it is more rewarding than chasing a career for all people. Everyone doesn't have to have kids. This is a messed up world your bringing them into. For what, so you can have a more rewarding life? Way harder than when alot of us were kids. It's kind of scary. Where is the world going? So it doesn't have to be for everyone is my point.

Yes it is - it was scary when I was born as well. Nam was in full swing, cold war - nukes...

It was scary when my old man was born, WWI - Depression - WWII...

It was scary when my great great grandparents were born, Civil War, poverty, disease...


Not saying anything about kid vs. no kids - but the world is scary isnt a reason not to have them. The world is always scary - and if we stop having kids - no more "world".

I say go for it. You guys are past the rough part of your lives, You have stable jobs, Ovbiously you love each other. The odds of your child being raised in a broken home are a lot less because you are stable. Less work stress means less home stress.

I am on the other end of the spectrum from you, I had my first kid at 18. I just had the V at 38. So I am done.

I enjoy my children, I never have to look for a fishing or golf buddy :)

Me and my wife were in our mid forties and I thought I was going to be on easy street. Never would have to deal with those little rug rats, I have never liked kids one bit, little virus carriers. Did not even like my sister's kids. Hated friggin kids, all of em..

Well, wife talked me into bailing an 11mo old girl out of a foster home. She is a distant relative of my wife's. I could have said no, but I didn't.

Fast forward a couple of years, Simone is now 3 and a half yr old. She is the biggest joy in my life by far. Everyone says Simone is so lucky to have us, that is not the case. We are lucky and blessed to have her!

Now is the time if you ever hope to enjoy grandchildren. If you are blessed with children by the age of 41 you may have those great loving grandchildren by the time you are 65. As the old saying goes If I Had Known Grandchildren Were So Much Fun I Would Have Had Them First. Regardless of what some may think life does change when you have children. But the changes are ones that you will enjoy and cherish for life.:grin:

I think either choice, say goodbye to your boat. Average cost to raise a kid to 18 is now $235K. Minimum cost of saying no to your wife is the current value of your boat.

If you managed to get to age 40 w/o getting a girl pregnant, you should get a medal of valor. The world needs less mouths to feed.

One of many articles.

http://money.cnn.com/2011/09/21/pf/cost_raising_child/index.htm

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Say good bye to this.


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And hello to this.

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all over the place with this one...as can be expected...

we have been married for 31 years...made a pact that if we didnt have a child by 40 i would take steps to prevent it....1 month before my birthday and 19 years into our marriage my wife announced she was pregnant...19 years and not for a lack of trying it finally came true...

beautiful little girl...smart as a whip and all a's in school....i'd sell my whole world for her and in some instances have done that to make her happy and give her things i shouldnt but want to...

we had an incredible life before baby...travelled, large boats and plenty of money to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted....both had great carreers and made a good penny...

now shes a stay at home mom and wouldnt have it any other way...we arent loaded anymore but do well for ourselves...and it really doesnt matter...cause when that little girl collects an award at school...solos in a band concert...reels in a 6" fish thrilled to death...makes me a fathers day card or just plain does something that i should be mad as hell about all i can do is smile and wonder at the marvel we created...and karma says i'm gonna get a lot of parental payback from my childhood shenanigans....

my mom told me i would experience a love i could never know when i met my baby and she was spot on...i wonder how well i could have had it and how early i could have retired if we decided not to have her but i couldnt have filled the void it would have created...if i have to work till the day i die it will be worth it for her to have whatever i want her to have...

you need to put aside yourself if you decide to do it...if youre capable of that youll enjoy every minute of it...dont look back...only forward...there is nothing in this world as rewarding as watching a child grow up...its too amazing for words....

every one of us with kids takes a step back every once in a while and wonders "what if"....but one look at the kid and it all goes away...and the question is answered...

that...and you should suffer just like the rest of us....:rofl:

I'm gonna have an Asian kid. They are cheaper (eat less) and smarter. He'll finish college by 18 and get straight to work.

I'm 41 and this is my plan.

I was 45 when when my daughter was born and my wife was 42. When you are older you make different decisions than if you were younger and the child is brought up teaching them on saving for their future. Our investment house was paid for and we have our own house and have money to spend on items like cars or boats as we have saved and use the investment house income for the extra cash needed. The harder part is when you want to go away when you are older you have your child to think about and if they are in school sometime you can't go. I have no regrets having a child later in life and very happy we decided to have our child later in life. Many people struggle when they have children at early age trying to save for a house or new car and have to live paycheck to paycheck. Its worked out fine for us.

I'm gonna have an Asian kid. They are cheaper (eat less) and smarter. He'll finish college by 18 and get straight to work.

I'm 41 and this is my plan.

Why not have a Bla-sian (Black-Asian) like tiger woods? Smart and good at sports?? Dual path to riches.

all over the place with this one...as can be expected...

we have been married for 31 years...made a pact that if we didnt have a child by 40 i would take steps to prevent it....1 month before my birthday and 19 years into our marriage my wife announced she was pregnant...19 years and not for a lack of trying it finally came true...

beautiful little girl...smart as a whip and all a's in school....i'd sell my whole world for her and in some instances have done that to make her happy and give her things i shouldnt but want to...

we had an incredible life before baby...travelled, large boats and plenty of money to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted....both had great carreers and made a good penny...

now shes a stay at home mom and wouldnt have it any other way...we arent loaded anymore but do well for ourselves...and it really doesnt matter...cause when that little girl collects an award at school...solos in a band concert...reels in a 6" fish thrilled to death...makes me a fathers day card or just plain does something that i should be mad as hell about all i can do is smile and wonder at the marvel we created...and karma says i'm gonna get a lot of parental payback from my childhood shenanigans....

my mom told me i would experience a love i could never know when i met my baby and she was spot on...i wonder how well i could have had it and how early i could have retired if we decided not to have her but i couldnt have filled the void it would have created...if i have to work till the day i die it will be worth it for her to have whatever i want her to have...

you need to put aside yourself if you decide to do it...if youre capable of that youll enjoy every minute of it...dont look back...only forward...there is nothing in this world as rewarding as watching a child grow up...its too amazing for words....

every one of us with kids takes a step back every once in a while and wonders "what if"....but one look at the kid and it all goes away...and the question is answered...

that...and you should suffer just like the rest of us....:rofl:

DAMN!!!!!!! You nailed it. My little girls (two of them, 3yr and 1yr) are the MOST AMAZING THING. Big hugs when I get home. Smiles that light up my world, over and over and over. There are good times and tough times with kids, BUT I WOULD NEVER WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM. By the way, I am 49, and the wife is 35, a big gap, but we make it work. We needed a little help to get preg, hormones, etc. THERE HAVE BEEN TOUGH TIMES, WOW, there still are...say goodbye to a good nights sleep, say goodbye to your drinking buddies, but say HELLO TO A WONDERFUL LIFE OF BEING "DADDY"!!!!!!!!!

My wife's parents were that age when they had her. That turned out fine. My parents were in their mid 20's when I was born. That worked out well too. It sounds like you and your wife both have careers and should have put some money away. This will really make things easier I think. Having no money and kids is tough. I have seen it with some friends that got started early. With money you can hire help if you are getting worn out.

I will be in a similar boat. I just got married last year. The wife is almost 9 years younger. She isn't ready yet and I agree. We are thinking about pulling the goallie in about 2 years and see what happens. I would be 36ish. I'm not worried. As long as I'm not going to any graduation ceremonies with a walker I am OK with it. 60 doesn't seem that old anymore. I plan on being able to spend all day offshore reeling in big fish at that age. How much more energy than that does it take to make a few calls to a college junior and try to hang with them when they are home for the holidays.

I had my first kid at 31. Lost my first wife to cancer, remarried and I was 40 and 42 when I had my two girls. There is nothing in my life that brings me more joy than my kids and I am lucky to have a great, energetic wife that makes my life easy. Kids at any age take lots of effort, but for those moments that yu get with them, they are totally worth it. Fair warning though - no such thing as having just one!!!

I've enjoyed reading these comments guys. Actually spit out my coffee a couple times this morning. I think it was lay the ham comment to her or something... funny.

I think we'll be fine and I really enjoyed reading the passionate comments about those of you that are Daddy's and how awesome that is.

Thanks guys for the no's, yes's, hell yeah's, what are you thinking and lay the ham comments.

-K

49 and we just had our 4th (9 months ago). Don't you think our new baby is happy she is here? Don't you think your child will be grateful for a life?

Far and away the best thing I have done on this earth is to marry and have children. The world will be better with good parents. You stay up at night worrying about them but that's just part of it.

Telling her you had a vasectomy years ago is not an option here? :rofl:

Totally your call, but personally, your pushing the age envelope. I'm 57 and the youngest of four turns 21 this year and has two more years of college to go. I find myself impatient at times and am so thankful I didn't let wife #2 talk me into having another one with her in my 40's (she brought 3 with her).

Your other option? Buy your wife a puppy.

Well, maybe a little farther down the road than you are looking, but here goes. I was 22 for my first marriage. Kids at 25 and 30. I was drunk most of the time and miss out on all the good things with my boys. I still took them camping, fishing, hunting and had a lot of fun with them but was destructive in the process. I sobered up and the family left. Ten years later I remarried. I am now 64 and my daughter is 6. She is the most amazing thing in the world. I love watching everything she does and witnessing her progress in life. I know the teen years will not be so much fun, but for now I am having a ball. I have a 3 yr old grandson as well. The only drawback is that my daughter has somewhat diminished the joy of being a grandparent. You know, it hasn't been 30 yrs since I had a little one running around the house like most grandparents. I still love them both and enjoy them more than I could have ever expected. Yes, I'll be 70 when she is 13 and much older when she graduates. I just hope I live long enough to be able to give her away at her wedding. Last night I read her a book to put her to bed. When I finished she said I was the greatest dad ever. It brings tears to my eyes to type it, not just when she said it. It's your choice. I made mine and it was probably more fearful for me.
Best of luck.
Mike

If you don't want kids just get clipped and don't tell her. When you come back from the doctors office and are walking a little funny tell her you were out fishing with your best buddy and you accidentally cut off his world record Marlin right at the boat, he was so mad he kicked you in the nuts. She may believe this one. :rofl: In all sincerity though I would not change anything, I have two great kids, and they have given me the best years of my life.

I was 48 when our now 7 year old daughter was born, wife was 41. Daughter from earlier marriage is 21 years older, and I swore for years that I was 100% done with more kids................. fast forward to today, and our lives revolve around this miracle.
Are there times I wish we could go back to no kids and freedom to do as we please? Sure. But they no where near out weigh the sheer joy of watching our baby girl blossom into a loving, caring young person....who by the way would rather be in or on the water than anywhere else.

Good luck with your decision either way. Just make sure whatever you choose you do so for the right reasons (whatever the hell those are)

What would happen if you said NO?

Are you volunteering your services:rofl:

I was 39 and my wife 40 when our son was born; two years later came his sister, and we wouldn't change a thing. Just do all of the research you can about the risks with getting pregnant later in life and make an informed decision. The only downside for us was that my wife proved to be quite fertile, so we didn't get to "practice" as much as I would have liked. LOL We were very lucky, though, in that we had no issues with either child during the pregnancy.

I haven't read the replies to the OP, but it really doesn't matter as this is a personal opinion/preference thing, not a right or wrong thing. I'm in the over 40 and making babies for the first time crowd, and while I wish I could/would have had my son earlier in life, I wouldn't change a thing where he is concerned. Having people tell you that you should have had children earlier is rather a moot point.

Sure, I'll be retirement age when my son still in his 20's, but I figure by the time I'm not able to get around, I'll be glad he can carry my old ass instead of being 65 when I'm 85. :grin:

Are you volunteering your services:rofl:

No.


Not unless I got some pictures first!:grin:

I wanted to start a business. When the woman wants kids, we send over 2 kids: a 12yr old boy and a 6 yr old girl. The boy breaks things with temper tantrums and the girl is a sceamer.
If the clients survive 2 weeks and are still married, then let them have kids

Seriously, having kids at that age is harder on all concerned. Like: other kids asking yours "is that your father or grandpa?"
Other kids parents will be 20 +/- years younger than both you and your wive. You mave have a hard time "connecting" with them.
Childbirth is very hard on a woman, Having one at her age is a LOT harder.

IF I were you I would think very hard about having kids at his stage of the game.

There's also adopting.......

We had our daughter when we werte 30. When we went to school nights, I felt some of the other parents were the age of being MY children. Took a while toget over being called 'SIR" by the other parents.

I only read the first page so far:

I'm 49 and my wife is 42, we adopted a little girl from birth 2.5 yrs ago.

Like you it was my wife's idea and yes this is a need not a want. If you are dead set against it then don't do it. You may wind up losing your marrige but if that's the case it's over anyway.
If your somewhere in the middle on this or leaning towards then go for it. It will be a struggle at times, but from a guy (me) who never wanted kids to have that little girl wake me in the morning and say, "Daddy, I want some milk, get up, get up." Or when I'm getting ready for work and she hands me my shoes and says "Here Daddy, I help you". It is PRICELESS.

Sure I'll be 65 when she's 18, but I'm in good shape and still hit the slide with her, push her on the swings and jungle gym etc..

Plus, you can always rimnd your wife that it was her idea when the baby is acting out! LOL!:bashhh:

I hope it helps, if you care to talk send me a PM and I'll give you my number.

I was 45 and my wife 36 when we had our daughter Laura who is now a bit over 2 yro, I wouldn't give her up for anything, she puts a great smile on my face daily and I can't wait to watch her grow up. I also have two sons 9 & 11.

http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m41/newmoonfishing/002-1.jpg

I'll be honest with you though it's hard to keep up with the 3 kids, approaching 50 here. That and the thought of when she will graduate HS when I plan to retire is pretty scary also.

Say good bye to this.


. Damn that's nice spots :grin:

You haven't lived until your 5-year-old looks up at you and says, "Daddy, you're my best friend."

If you are a christian man, you sorta promise to openly welcome children into your marriage. I'm not saying this is something you have no say in if your wife wants kids but, it falls into a different category from, let's say, a big house, jewelry, expensive hair-do's, lady shoes, manicures, and all the other things we men classify as "girl things". When a woman decides she wants kids, IF HER HEART IS IN IT, she is consciously signing up for way more than than you can possibly fathom. Bottom line: are y'all ready to make sacrifices like you never have to reap rewards like you never have and are you ready to grow your relationship and take it to a new level of love and trust; no matter what the burden is? Because, that's what parenthood is. Monetary cost? Gimme a break. Money is meant to be spent and if you can tell me a more worthy investment than raising a fine child, I'm all ears.

I was 45 and my wife 36 when we had our daughter Laura who is now a bit over 2 yro, I wouldn't give her up for anything, she puts a great smile on my face daily and I can't wait to watch her grow up. I also have two sons 9 & 11.

http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m41/newmoonfishing/002-1.jpg

I'll be honest with you though it's hard to keep up with the 3 kids, approaching 50 here. That and the thought of when she will graduate HS when I plan to retire is pretty scary also.

Those ears come from your or her side of the family?:grin:

I've only been a mommy for 21 days, and it is amazing!!!

I've only been a mommy for 21 days, and it is amazing!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!:thumbsup:

Kind of different than owning a dog, isn't it;)

I turn 40 in August and have my second Son due in October. My brother turns 42 on Saturday...and his wife is currently having contractions with is 3rd coming any minute.

Is it a lot of work....yes....but it is a lot more fun! I was one of the guys that was never going to have a kid....so glad I did...life is so much more now. I have friends that have been 45 having kids.

Go for it!

If you are not a father yet, This will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Life takes on a whole new meaning when your a dad.


x2


I didn't get past the 1st page but this ^ is true

I am 43 and I have 4 children. Aged 20 to almost 16. It would be just wrong if I said parenting is not difficult at times. But all in all, it has been a pleasure being a father.

I wanted to respond to you because my best friend went through this. His wife was around 38 when they got married. She too had the "biological clock" ticking. My friend was apprehensive about having more children. This was his second marriage. But he realized how much is involved in being a good parent. He also realized, as I did as well, that his wife had lived a life of 'Me". What ever, when ever and how ever she wanted to do something, she did. She could be a little on the selfish side with "her" desires. Now, I am in no way insinuating your wife is this way.

Now, they tried to have kids. She did become pregnant a couple of times and miscarried very early. She then carried full term only to have their child be still born. This was devastating to them both. It was just awful.

Well they made a decision to adopt. By this time she was around 43. The process took a while and just before they were to be approved or rejected, she became pregnant again. She was 44. Gave birth at 45.

They have been miserable since she gave birth. He not as much, but she is just terrible. She never realized how much work it took. Losing sleep was never even a consideration. And it still isn't. My friend has had to take on the roll of both parents. And no, she does not have PPD. Their son is now 3. Nothing has changed.

The whole point of me doing this is for a little insight of what it CAN do to some people who have the best intentions. What it boils down to is she had her life the way she wanted and liked it. She thought she could bring a child into it and nothing would change. In the end, nothing much did for her. She has refused to do what is right. She definitely would have been better off childless. Although she would never say it publicly, she would agree with that statement.

Just make sure both of you understand what parenting involves. Because regardless of what you see from the outside, being in the center of it, experiencing it for your self is another story all together.

I have a dear friend who is a female. She is 43 and has no children. She once told me that she was too selfish to have children. That she wouldn't want to give up her desires of traveling and doing what she likes to have children. I was offended at first. But the longer I have known her (14 years) and the more I have seen children suffer with parents who don't devote enough time to them or treat them as if they are a nuisance, I have grown to greatly respect her thoughts. She later said it would be unfair to a child to be parented by someone like her. It would be selfish. And she is right.

I'll give you some good advice....tomorrow when I'm sober.

CONGRATULATIONS!:thumbsup:

Kind of different than owning a dog, isn't it;)

Thank you, KJS. It is different. I can't just toss him out back when hes annoying..:jk:

All kidding aside, it is hard to find the right words to describe it, but its wonderful. Be even better when he sleeps through the night.

The short answer is no, because it is not fair to the child. You will be going on 60 when he/she is twenty, too big of an age gap.Even though I was not close with my father,( he was tapping 60s when I was finishing HS) I don't think that has anything to do with it.
He had his own share of issues with his own life, and whats far more important than age is if the person that is adopting or wants a child, really wants one. If its in their heart I really don't think the age thing has anything to do with it. If its not, it will never be there and you as the parent, your life is going to be turned upside down from then on.
Living in it and from the other side of that fence I know what I"m taking about on this one.
One thing I have not seen anyone mention that is the most important factor is patience..
If you don't have patience, or a quick temper adopting a child is the wrong thing to do.
The child, will have their own hurtles to over come, with the black hole that rides our back wondering why we were given up once they find out the ones that adopted you are not your real parents and living in quick temper or a stand off relationship with one of the parent that you know, did it only for the other will have its own share of adventures down the road. Trust me, I know.
Guys, if your adopting or thinking of adopting a child you have to want to do this for yourself along with your wife. It can't be a one sided thing. Its almost like getting married to someone you really don't want to be married to if you adopt and didn't want to do it.
There is a book . Don't know the writers name but its called , The Replacement . Try to find this book and read it before considering. It will give you a really good understanding of what you will be dealing with later and what that child will be thinking as they grow up. I know it nailed me and I wish I had of known about this book earlier in life. I was 42 while I hunted my real mom down through social service and by the way, my father went ballistic when he found out I did this but there won't to much he didn't go ballistic on anyway. Thats something else you have to remember that the child has the right to do after 16 so be ready for reality on a lot of things you need to understand before making that move. Is that going to upset you if they want to find the answers to that black hole I mentioned. ???
ONe thing i'll give you advice on. No matter how upset you get at that child later for anything they do, if you ever throw it up or let it slip one time when your temper is showing that they are not yours, you lost them , the minuet those words come out your mouth. There is no taking it back when thats been said so understand its a different set of rules with a child thats adopted and I"m sorry does not work in the adopted persons world. Its just the way it is. Things are very black and white to us. . There is no gray.
Hope this helps but again, I really don't think the age has anything to do with it. It all depends on if your heart is in it and those adopted children can feel you out faster than you know yourself if its not.. The only game you will be playing is with yourself.
Best of luck to all of you that are considering this. :thumbsup:

I read about half the posts, but frankly my deep deep depression is making it tough too both read and c understand. You see, I just found out I was old.

I had mine at 36,38,40. Silly me thinking things where pretty damn perfect.

If you both want kids, Go baby Go.

Be prepared to be as elated and as scared as you will ever be.

Wife and I married in 1994 ( I was 27). Never tried to get pregnant and basically would say that we weren't having kids when people would ask. In 2005 she got pregnant and we figured that was just the way things were suppose to be! Our son is 6 and will be going into 1st grade. I wouldn't trade him for all the money in the world. It's not always a picnic, but you won't regret it.

So, just do it! I'm 45 with a 6 yo so what!

Just adopt me. I'm potty trained and have a college education. This in its self
will save you thousands. If you do have children your life will never be the same.

Had our first son when I was 43, second when I was 45, wife 10 years younger. Delay due to my prolonged education, desire to have fun as a single professional and then travel the world with my wife before kids. My boys are the best thing that will ever happen to me, and I wish time would slow down by half so my time with them would be longer.

Not sure if its been said but are you or your wife ready to put your career on the shelf for the next 8 yrs until they atleast get in school. If not why have kids if your going to ship them off for someone else to raise. At your wifes age there is a much bigger risk that the child could have problems like down sindrom (sp). With that said I had my second child at 43 and my wife was 35 and its no big deal.

Just adopt me. I'm potty trained and have a college education. This in its self
will save you thousands. If you do have children your life will never be the same.

LOL...:rofl:

My parents were older also, dad was 43 when I was born, mom 36, and my sister came along 3 years later. My dad retired just before turning 57 so we were both still in school. This was great for me and my sister since we always had both parents around (mom quit working when I was born and became a stay at home mom). Dad was always there when I was a teen to take us out on the boat, go fishing, etc.

The flip side of that is instead of enjoying a relaxing retirement, traveling, out with friends, etc, they were still raising kids. I think my dad was 67 when my sister graduated college. I never heard them complain about it but honestly that's not how I want to be spending my retirement years. Given the cost of raising kids and college these days you could end up working years longer just to support the kids...

Personally I never wanted kids. I've seen too many friends give up all the things they used to enjoy and have their lives completely revolve around their kids schedules. Some seem happy that way, others will admit they sometimes wished they made the same choice I did. Friends who have had kids when they are older often look worn out all the time and seem to talk more about how tired they are then how fun the kids are...

Most importantly, what do you want to do? I'm good friends with a couple who was in a similar situation to where you are now except I know he really didn't want kids. He gave in, they had twins a couple years later. Their marriage is pretty much a wreck now and I think it's just a matter of time before they are divorced. Everything started going downhill with the baby decision. I saw them not long ago and they pretty much can't stand to be around each other at this point but are sticking it out for the kids. They would have been better off getting divorced before the kids and each finding someone who had similar thoughts regarding a family.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Im 36 and my wife is 39. This is both of our first marriage to. We have had some complications but we are trying as well. We will be in the same boat. Good luck.

Go for it.

My two girls both had kids after 40. They didn't ask me for advice.

i've read page 1 and 6, couldn't do the the middle four. I'm 41, not married, no kids. When I reflect I think the best thing to have done is have them at 20, but man was I stupid then. But my dad was 49 when he had his last of 5 (me) so I'm not stressing but I think it's a normal part of the progression of being with a women.

I had my first when I was 35 and my second at 40 I am now 52.

Love them to pieces however more often I now find myself thinking it would have been easier starting 5 perhaps 10 years earlier. I have colleagues and friends/family who are my age and have kids either in college or finished by now and after all these years of hitting bricks day in and day out I find myself wanting to do more things with my wife and enjoying life to the fullest.

The kids are at an age where vacations and even quick getaways with mom and dad are to cool for school kind of in between years I wish it would have happened years ago to free up the time with my wife.

For instance I have 2 weeks off in a few days and the oldest has a job which limits the days he can be away from his pocket money job so he has one when he gets back and the younger one needs to take a friend in the older ones place or he will be bored Instead of going away for a couple of weeks I will be trying to maximize the free time everyone has with a calender as if I was at the office. Baseball game here day on the boat there, few days at an amusement park, and or a long weekend golfing at a resort.

The wife does'nt seem to be into the just her and I time during these 2 weeks if the younger one does'nt want to go down to the marina and I get the feeling I will be longing to get back to work and feel productive before long.

Can honestly say knowing what I do know now I would not do it. Life has a way of passing you by faster and faster with every passing day/season/year when you get to a certain age.

I know I am at that point.

Good luck with your decision. And I give you kudos for coming to THT for some insight.


So glad to see a real honest answer. :thumbsup:

My Mom/Dad had my sister at 18 and me at 20. I couldn't fathom have a 20 year old child at the age of 38. We had ours when I and wife was 25, 30, 31, and 35. 42 now and the first is a senior next year. It is hard when you are younger because you don't have as much money. However, it must be hard when you are older too because you are older. We were lucky enough that my wife does not have to work and can stay home caring for the kids.

I wanted to mention, although it can be a great exp. you have to get use to being 2nd in the pecking order. No matter how much she says she won't neglect you she will, and you her by the way. The baby takes allot out of you and your relationship.

There will be times when you want to do something and she'll be too tired (really) and vise versa. Also if you have a girl she's going to want to do dress up things and take her to girly things so make sure you keep a life outside the "girly" part of the family.

And for hevens sake don't ever sell the boat!

If it hasn't already been suggested, get secretly snipped and then try like hell to make some babies.

wow just saw this...

i am 46 and my wife is 41
for two weeks now we have been walking on eggshells as she missed a turn last month
i have a 16yr old daughter and wasn't really looking to have more kids, but i guess one could have slipped past the goalie, and we were going to get the test if it went one more week

yesterday her visitor came
not sure how i feel now, a little relieved i guess but also disappointed

wow just saw this...

i am 46 and my wife is 41
for two weeks now we have been walking on eggshells as she missed a turn last month
i have a 16yr old daughter and wasn't really looking to have more kids, but i guess one could have slipped past the goalie, and we were going to get the test if it went one more week

yesterday her visitor came
not sure how i feel now, a little relieved i guess but also disappointed


Might be snip, snip time cgrand. :o We (really me :)) got tired of playing that game.

Chris,
I know that feeling. My wife wanted more and I was willing but not desirable if you know what I mean. Her plumbing is not quite up to par so we went to the Dr like we did for our last miracle. We'd do the process and go home and wait. The anxiety was killing me. After three attempts I told her I couldn't do that any more. I'm already too old and don't want to go forward with that. I love having a 6 yr old at home and enjoy her more than I can say. I'll be 70 when she hits 13 so starting with another is just not something I want to do. My wife is NOT happy about that.
Mike

wow just saw this...

i am 46 and my wife is 41
for two weeks now we have been walking on eggshells as she missed a turn last month
i have a 16yr old daughter and wasn't really looking to have more kids, but i guess one could have slipped past the goalie, and we were going to get the test if it went one more week

yesterday her visitor came
not sure how i feel now, a little relieved i guess but also disappointed

cgrand - I know what you mean

I didn't know to tell you I'm sorry or congratulations

Do it. I am 35 and have a two year old and am hoping to have another soon and it really does change your life, in the best way possible. Most of my friends that had kids early (early 20s) are now divorced and dealing with that BS. At least now you are more stable and able to give them a good stable environment. One other thing, if you do it, go get the book Baby Wise and read it, a couple of times.

cgrand - I know what you mean

I didn't know to tell you I'm sorry or congratulations

yeah deep down i know that it's probably for the best, but all i could think about last few days is how much i really regret not having more kids when i was younger, and especially not having a son to teach

my wife maintains a somewhat serious immuno-deficiency disease which complicates matters even further, but she never had a chance to have a baby and i know that it's a big missing part of her life

que sera i guess
i probably will go get fixed because both of us kind of need emotional closure on this

I'd say HELL NO!!!!! We're both 43 and our son is in college, so we're almost empty nesters (except for school vacations and summer break). I have no regrets being done with kids early in life. We had him after we'd been married 2 years, so we didn't get to do lots of the newlywed things. But, we can do them all now, plus more, since we are both settled in our careers and make way more money than we did back then. I can't imagine being in my 50's and dealing with teenagers and pushing 60 when they graduate high school...nooooooo waaaaayyyyyyy

i'm not sure what this is worth but being 41 and the only and (youngest) of 5 living in the same town as my 90 yr.dad and 81 yr. mom. Some rolls are changing. There are many things they need help with. They still live in a house independently. But being the only go to family member for them and feeling responsibility and obligation, (and not having any children or current possibility of) I not looking forward to being that age without any younger family around.