Dockside Chat - Habitual liar

Has anyone had to deal with a habitual liar in their own close family? I am at wits end on how to deal with it. The more you hold the person accountable the more insane the situation gets. It is the lies on the little things that drive me nuts. I guess I am just reaching out in dispair to anyone who has dealt with this.;?

I feel for you!

My brother should be on America's Most Wanted for the lies that he has told!

He is such a smooth talker that you could be wearing a blue shirt and within five minutes, he'd have you believing him that it was a green shirt!!!

The law finally caught up with him some years back, but he never saw any time for his fraudulent acts, mostly probation (no more checking accounts, community service, restitution, etc...).

He constantly was using me as a reference (me being an LEO, gave HIM credibility). Until they actually called me! Then I set them straight! But most wouldn't call!

He's my half-brother actually (same Mom), and wasn't raised with me (Thank GOD!!!).

But I never called him a step, he's always just been my brother...

Not in my close family. I had an employe that just could not under any circumstance tell the truth. I could ask him a question that he knew I would know the correct answer to in 5 minutes on my own and he still would lie. It got to a point where I think he was testing me. He would lie when the answer did not mater at all and he knew that I would have the correct information in a few minutes. On several occasions his lie required me to drive many unnecessary miles only to find out it was BS. I tied a can to his ass.

Just avoid them or cut them out of your world.. You can not change anyone once they are grown. If more bad than good comes from it, there is no use to have it.. I keep my logic simple..

I HAD a sister. I emphasize the word "HAD".

You will know when you had your fill of it. Then it's cut-off time. It sucks in the beginning and then you realize how much better your quality of life is without that person being in it and life gets good again. Recognizing the person for who they truly are and realizing you can't change him/her for the better is the first real couple of steps to a better quality of life.

Has anyone had to deal with a habitual liar in their own close family? I am at wits end on how to deal with it. The more you hold the person accountable the more insane the situation gets. It is the lies on the little things that drive me nuts. I guess I am just reaching out in dispair to anyone who has dealt with this.;?

My BIL is a habitual liar. Worse yet, he is also a father of 2 children. I can't understand how my sister deals with it.

Sure am glad I live 1200 miles away from it;cool;

When I am in town visiting my family, I call him out on it. It upset's the "family dynamic" for a little while, but I can only take about 15 minutes of the BS. His 9 year old son who has started doing the same thing (WTF!!!). You have to really push the kid to get the truth out of him. The "lessons" he is teaching those kids are going to have long term consequences. ...dammit, I guess I need to try and talk to him about it.

Just avoid them or cut them out of your world.. You can not change anyone once they are grown. If more bad than good comes from it, there is no use to have it.. I keep my logic simple..
Agree
At some point and time we have to realize the only way to have a relationship with this person is to accept them as lier's and are you willing to do this.
Raised a boy from 3 to 13 then myself and his mom split up. Needed somewhere to stay at 16 so I let him and his GF move in. Ended up leaving without telling me and taking some of my stuff. Felt sorry for the boy and let him come back into my life about 5 years ago. Lent him and his new huzzy some money and looked like they were going to pay it back. Small loan then the two split up and I told him to forget it cause I didn't want to have the disappointment of him not making the payments. Called me needing money about 2.5 years ago. This time I told him he would have to leave one of his guns. Let him borrow 500 on a AR. Keep the gun in the gun safe. Have no use for anything like that then he called and said he had the money. Drove from Greenville SC to the house when he got there he had 250 of it and through a fit when I told him no. I ended up giving him the gun and told him to leave. Its up to you KJS, how much your willing to forgo for the sake of feeling like your still trying to help. Took me a while but I was doing him more harm than good allowing him to run over me. Bank is closed and have not heard from him in over a year. Nuff said...
Funny little note. Left his mom for lying about money also.. Apple don't fall very far from the tree in most cases.

Look WHO GOT AWAY WITH MURDER OF HER LITTLE GIRL,HABITUAL LIAR

My mother's other son is a con and liar, been in and out of jail/prison but never his fault. Al-way's some one else drugs , Saddest part His mother keeps bailing him out. Like Liveaboard said but she doesn't realize how it doesn't help. We live in the same town and haven't spoke in years. Actually don't miss him

Just avoid them or cut them out of your world.. You can not change anyone once they are grown. If more bad than good comes from it, there is no use to have it.. I keep my logic simple..

I literally do not look at or speak to people that disrespect me.
They may as well not even be in the room.

To lie is to disrespect.



I HAD a sister. I emphasize the word "HAD".

You will know when you had your fill of it. Then it's cut-off time. It sucks in the beginning and then you realize how much better your quality of life is without that person being in it and life gets good again. Recognizing the person for who they truly are and realizing you can't change him/her for the better is the first real couple of steps to a better quality of life.

Acknowledge what they are and move on.
Don't let their actions affect your life.



.

Oh yea, been there, done that, glad it's behind me too. Never saw but a couple people that could look you in the eye and tell one knowing better. (and for no reason).

Dealt with an 11 YO yesterday that called 911 and said someone was shooting up the neighborhood... Of course when I got there him and his buddy ran into the house. Make contact with momma, she drags himout and after 15 mins of trying to get him to admit he called police on the home phone, he would not do it (dispatch could tell it was a kid on the line). He would look you in the eye and say. "I dont know who did it but I did not call." When a young kid lies to your face, there isn't much worse. Talk about wanting to beat a kids azz. Momma seemed like a very nice lady and was tired of it too. I feel certain she wore him out but in his case I dont think it will do any good. He is one of those you can see we will all be paying for ALL his life while he is in prison...

My X...she would lie about things for no reason

You don't go into what relationship it is in the OP but if thy ar adult, cut them off, period, and of story.

Let the lies go in ear and out the other. If they ask you to do something, tell them you will and then forget to do it.

One of my sisters was married to a habitual liar, now divorced. The only way I could deal with that jackass was to simple call him out on his BS. Dealing straight up with stuff like that lowers my blood pressure. My family did it's best to keep me separated from the liar. If the two of us were together the family would scramble out of the room to avoid the fireworks.

I had an employee that was a habitual liar. We eventually realized nothing that came out of his mouth could be trusted. I fired his sorry ass and now we are taking him to court for stuff he has done post termination. I can not wait for the first deposition. We are going to strangle him with the web of lies he created.

Yes to the OPs question. I have a sister in law that is 42, twice divorced, no kiddos, lives in her daddy's rental house - for free, spews lies about her family to keep the tension up. MANY, MANY enablers keep her going and she has consistently tried to harm my wife with her lies on more than one occasion. Supposedly she's bi-polar but refuses to take medication...she IS her Daddy's lil girl but may be time for some tough love. Frik'n sick of that bimbo.

Had a friend who was one totally compulsive - after his family deteriorated and he kept trying to call me - knowing I would not embarrass him in front of his kids I just called him out on ever lie. He actually just laughs it off like so what and moves on to the next subject. He asked why his ex was invited to my sons wedding and I just told him - hey between the drunkenness and lying - nobody wanted you there. He said well, I can see that. He keeps calling me - apparently no other friends.

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/lying-and-deception/confronting-a-partner/compulsive-lying/types-of-liars.html



Went through it with an ex for years. Finally lost all trust in her,moved on. Her daughter turned out the same way.



Ron

Count me in, dated a girl years ago (please no MIL jokes!) who I slowly learned would lie about absolutely everything. It didn't matter if there was any importance behind it, the question could be "where did you and your brother go to dinner last night?" and the answer would be pure fiction. The only thing that should have tipped me off that something wasn't quite right was that she paid cash, all the time, for anything. (despite having a reasonable semi-professional job... for a bank!)

The bizarre thing is, looking back I am sure she and I had hour long conversations where absolutely nothing she said was true...

Was it worth it? Oh hell yes. :grin:

My mother was a habitual liar. Try living with that one. I tried to look at it as an illness, but it didn't help very much.

Thanks for the responses everyone. I am a little uncomfortable about posting personal stuff on the web but your comments and experiences are helpful and appreciated. I have dealt with all types in the office and they come and go. However, it is much harder when dealing with this in the immediate family...and trust me, I don't always deal with it well.

For anyone else that might have to deal with this, NJ Ron posted an excellent website..... the forum is here: http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/community-features/message-board.html

It is amazing how similar everyones stories are.

My mother was a habitual liar. Try living with that one. I tried to look at it as an illness, but it didn't help very much.

Same here, till her dying day. I never understood how my dad could put up with it but he did for 60+ years. Left as soon as I could after HS and never went back.
The things she did still hurt inside after so many years, I don't think I will ever understand why anyone would be like that.

One more quick one and this one's for you single guys.
Met a girl at a party in VA and she was one of those you ask god to please give you a chance with . Drop dead beautiful could not take your eyes off her. Well I did get that chance to go out with her. Started talking and she came to the house.
She worked in VA and I'm on the road and she said she could not take calls at work or talk on the cell.. thats understandable...;?
Dated for about 3 month which to me is about 4 times home then running calif but was turning a fla in between home time and man was I enjoying this one then one day I could not get her on thecell phone so I did call her work. No one knew anyone by that name but the girl I talked to described a girl that use to work there and it was her to a T but no longer did and had been let go according to the girl I spoke to 4 to 5 months before this.. thank god she did not have a key to the gate or house yet and I don't get mad I play the games when I find out something like this. Never mentioned it. Next time I was home had a hankering for a VA night out and wanted to see her place while we were on the way up there. :o:o:o:o
Talk about two stepping.. she was living in the FROG at her X's house but had told me she had her own app but she would not take me there. Then I got the story she really was not sure if she liked me or not to start with and didn't want me to know about her till she was sure. She still didn't know I knew she didn't have a job but I knew the name she gave me was not her name. Somehow this girl is missing the story on who has the security and who is lying. :rofl:
Figured I would send her a e mail and call it off after one more night...:) I don't have to finish that statement.
You have never in your life received a e mail with as many curse words, threats, cutting me down to a snakes belly as this girl did then I sent her one back with her real name on it and I never head from her again. Just a little something for you married guys to think about if you do decide to leave the one that cleans the house for you. Maybe you do need those guns for protection. :rofl::rofl:

What's a FROG?

What's a FROG?
she said she was lving over her X's two car garage. Finished room over garage. But ,, it had its own set of steps so it won't like she was living with the X... Got to make sure we understood that part. That was a important piece of information we needed to know. .....

worse is when 2 habitual liars come together+abuse= divorce(of course,) paranoid of ex, ex's past of lying, deceiving, scamming, could sell a used condom to a Nun, single handed tarnished family name in a community the family name helped build, finally catches up with him and thrown in jail, dumpass oldest son, another habitual liar, jailed multiple times in 2 states for the repeat crimes, ex parolled then brakes parole several time and rejoins son in same jail, 2nd son stays out of court reports...cop friends say he is the one to watch out for...
Blah blah blah, we cut them out of the family a long time ago!!!

One more quick one and this one's for you single guys.
Met a girl at a party in VA and she was one of those you ask god to please give you a chance with . Drop dead beautiful could not take your eyes off her. Well I did get that chance to go out with her. Started talking and she came to the house.
She worked in VA and I'm on the road and she said she could not take calls at work or talk on the cell.. thats understandable...;?
Dated for about 3 month which to me is about 4 times home then running calif but was turning a fla in between home time and man was I enjoying this one then one day I could not get her on thecell phone so I did call her work. No one knew anyone by that name but the girl I talked to described a girl that use to work there and it was her to a T but no longer did and had been let go according to the girl I spoke to 4 to 5 months before this.. thank god she did not have a key to the gate or house yet and I don't get mad I play the games when I find out something like this. Never mentioned it. Next time I was home had a hankering for a VA night out and wanted to see her place while we were on the way up there. :o:o:o:o
Talk about two stepping.. she was living in the FROG at her X's house but had told me she had her own app but she would not take me there. Then I got the story she really was not sure if she liked me or not to start with and didn't want me to know about her till she was sure. She still didn't know I knew she didn't have a job but I knew the name she gave me was not her name. Somehow this girl is missing the story on who has the security and who is lying. :rofl:
Figured I would send her a e mail and call it off after one more night...:) I don't have to finish that statement.
You have never in your life received a e mail with as many curse words, threats, cutting me down to a snakes belly as this girl did then I sent her one back with her real name on it and I never head from her again. Just a little something for you married guys to think about if you do decide to leave the one that cleans the house for you. Maybe you do need those guns for protection. :rofl::rofl:


Shagging cheap, crazy azz, lying hoes. Isn't that how single life is suppose to be?;?:grin:

Step-Dad #1 became such a terrible liar that I would believe anyone, even a child, over him.

He tried to say something different from my 7 y/o (at the time) niece and she said, in front of my mother and her parents, "Grampa, you are such a big liar!" I was a little shocked that nobody told her not talk that way since my sister and I had been taught to be more respectful of adults than that. But then I realised you can't chastise a child when they are right.

Shagging cheap, crazy azz, lying hoes. Isn't that how single life is suppose to be?;?:grin:Yes sir it is... :thumbsup:
But for the ones that got to live it sooner or later you know you really get tired of it .
Crazy to say but it really gives you a whole lot better outlook on life once you do cause you can put that part behind you and its full steam ahead....
Something we have all heard, don't look so hard. I'll go one better. Stop looking. Thats when the right one will find you..

How big was that wahoo? :grin:

Yes sir it is... :thumbsup:
But for the ones that got to live it sooner or later you know you really get tired of it .
Crazy to say but it really gives you a whole lot better outlook on life once you do cause you can put that part behind you and its full steam ahead....
Something we have all heard, don't look so hard. I'll go one better. Stop looking. Thats when the right one will find you..


BINGO! That's what happened to me.:thumbsup:

I am a happy guy now.

Guys sorry if I delude your feelings of grandeur but what you describe is the typical single life that most of us did/probably encounter along with the same lessons learned.;):roll:roll:roll Thanks for re-establishing a universal truth though.

My mother was a habitual liar.

Yeah, but she still made a great sandwich. :thumbsup:

























:jk:

Guys sorry if I delude your feelings of grandeur .
You didn't have anything to do with the KJS and granderu only plays a part when you feel your better than they are but working enjoying the single life while building your own has little to do with feeling more powerful than someone. Maybe some of us are more selective than you use to be or were at one time... :thumbsup:
Have a great night KJS..

You didn't have anything to do with the KJS and granderu only plays a part when when you feel your better than they are but working enjoying the single life while building your own has little to do with feeling more powerful than someone. Maybe some of us are more selective than you use to be or were at one time... :thumbsup:
Have a great night KJS..


Oops, hit a nerve. Again if I piece your comments together correctly, thanks for hitting on a universal truth as if it was newly discovered. Good evening to you as well.:thumbsup:

Oops, hit a nerve. Again thanks for hitting on a universal truth (I think) as if it was newly discovered. Good evening to you as well.:thumbsup:Not a nerve.. I was laughing.

Not a nerve.. I was laughing.

As were the rest of us.;):rofl::rofl: The comments did start out, jovial in nature.

As were the rest of us.;):rofl::rofl: The comments did start out, jovial in nature.and I was having fun with the rest enjoying posting some of my past but did not mean to side track your thread as to what you felt was jovial in nature.. Its your thread KJS. Tipping the hat.. My apology...

Has anyone had to deal with a habitual liar in their own close family? I am at wits end on how to deal with it. The more you hold the person accountable the more insane the situation gets. It is the lies on the little things that drive me nuts. I guess I am just reaching out in dispair to anyone who has dealt with this.;?

There is varying degrees of lying, from the harmless little white lies, the lies to disguise the truth to the all out fabrications. The frequency of lies, to where do the lies take place and with whom. Unfortunately human behavior has many reflections and layers. One must try to understand the scope of the problem and understand the depth of the problem before a corrective course of action can be taken to alter the behavior.

"Own close family"; you don't have to say bud, but would that be one of the parents (either side), wife or kids? I ask because it makes a big difference. How long has this lying been going on or since you've become aware of the problem?

Instead of typing out all the variables of who is doing the lying and how to deal with it, it would be much easier for me if you PM'd me your phone number and I'll give you a call....or you could call me.

My eldest daughter is a habitual liar. She has a very hard time telling the truth when it matters and is constantly telling stories that we all know are not true. My other daughter calls her out on it constantly and has just recently said she is sick of it. I have tried but gave up many years ago, now I just let it go in one ear and out the other. It's unfortunate, but we have tried talking to her and even dropped hints about support groups. But.....she insists she is always telling the truth.
My wife, not her mother, says it is all for attention. She's 30 years old.
Hopefully her lies won't get her into too much trouble.

Makes it difficult to live with though

My wife, not her mother, says it is all for attention.

Yes, but not always. There is a host of reason that run the gauntlet. Lying to hide things and to hide from things is another major player....there is many more recognizable reasons why lying is used. In many incidences lying is a covered act of crying out for help, but the action of lying masks the cries for help.

Calling someone out on their lying is like trying to clean a wound of infection, but not addressing the reason why the wound keeps getting infected.

My mother was a habitual liar. Try living with that one. I tried to look at it as an illness, but it didn't help very much.

Yeah, but she still made a great sandwich. :thumbsup:

























:jk:What's really funny is you believed her when she told you that was mayo. :)

:rofl:

hi Randy. :thumbsup:

Howdy noD. :grin:

Sometimes it is indeed a mental illness. Dementia, some forms of bi-polar, schizophrenia and narcissistic disorders. We have seen this first hand in our extended family, very disturbing and hard to deal with, especially when the stories are to self-aggrandize or say nasty things about others.

Medication can help. Some of these people are so good at it, without external validation, they will have doctors believing them. I define a liar as someone who knows the truth and intentionally says something different. Some people get so far gone that they believe what they are saying is true, and sometimes that can be a gradual process over many years.

I've run into a few habitual liars and avoid them as much as possible.

Next door neighbor, a nurse, was telling me and my wife one day she'd suffered a compound fracture of her leg the previous week. Given that she was standing in front of us IN SHORTS with not blemish on either leg, we both put her down in the habitual liar category. Subsequently found she was always looking for sympathy. Mentioned the leg story to her husband, a physician. He said "she tends to exaggerate". Poor sap- he's bought into her act.

My wife is always honest with me and I with her. It's so much easier when you only need to remember one version of a story. :)

I've run into a few habitual liars and avoid them as much as possible.

Next door neighbor, a nurse, was telling me and my wife one day she'd suffered a compound fracture of her leg the previous week. Given that she was standing in front of us IN SHORTS with not blemish on either leg, we both put her down in the habitual liar category. Subsequently found she was always looking for sympathy. Mentioned the leg story to her husband, a physician. He said "she tends to exaggerate". Poor sap- he's bought into her act.

My wife is always honest with me and I with her. It's so much easier when you only need to remember one version of a story. :)

:thumbsup:

Sometimes it is indeed a mental illness. Dementia, some forms of bi-polar, schizophrenia and narcissistic disorders. We have seen this first hand in our extended family, very disturbing and hard to deal with, especially when the stories are to self-aggrandize or say nasty things about others.

Medication can help. Some of these people are so good at it, without external validation, they will have doctors believing them. I define a liar as someone who knows the truth and intentionally says something different. Some people get so far gone that they believe what they are saying is true, and sometimes that can be a gradual process over many years.


This about sums it up to a T, if I may add i've always called them out.

Regardless of their disorder, enabling their behavior will not help anyone,

including the therapist! IMO

rowbear

I only lie to girls ;)

Sometimes it is indeed a mental illness. Dementia, some forms of bi-polar, schizophrenia and narcissistic disorders. We have seen this first hand in our extended family, very disturbing and hard to deal with, especially when the stories are to self-aggrandize or say nasty things about others.

Medication can help. Some of these people are so good at it, without external validation, they will have doctors believing them. I define a liar as someone who knows the truth and intentionally says something different. Some people get so far gone that they believe what they are saying is true, and sometimes that can be a gradual process over many years.

I got this once from a bi-polar alcoholic:


"I already TOLD you both sides of the story!"

i had a sister who would lie about everything , man she would piss me off ,,, ah shit i dont have a sister ,, damn man it was my brother yea thats it my brother

Liars to me are not even worth hanging with .thats why i only have 1 friend in the world .my wife.all others are associates.

Just to be clear... Lieing about fish is okay, right?

Right? :roll

Just to be clear... Lieing about fish is okay, right?

Right? :roll


I guess no one else saw the irony of a bunch of fishermen griping about liars. :grin:

I had to think of a good analogy to use here so you guys could get a better understanding on the effects of calling a liar out.

Let’s say you go to the amusement park with the wife and kids for the day and early on you are eating a hot dog and some of the ketchup squirts out onto your shirt. The first few people that point out to you that you’ve got a stain on your shirt are the ones that are going to embarrass you, but after those first few you’ll just fluff off all the other comments and carry on like nothing happened. You’ll get so used to the stain that you probably won’t even remember you’ve got a stain on your shirt on the drive back home.

Words are like specialty tools; very few people know how to use them. Liars have built up their immune/ defence system and behind that is a very high wall in which they hide behind…..simple words do not reach the core to do any damage. To address the problem the core must be reached and exposed, anything else is just polishing the silverware.

I guess no one else saw the irony of a bunch of fishermen griping about liars. :grin:


Bagged a Cobia that was bigger than my boat,So I tied rope to it and whilst towing him back to the dock the sharks ate everything but the rope.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.:grin:

I'm guilty of making some flippant comments in this thread, but it really is a serious problem. We're not talking about little white lies here - but complicated fabrications that seem entirely truthful without having any basis in fact.

The fishing lie wouldn't be about the size of the catch - but rather about the guy who fell out of the boat and almost drowned, having to call the coast guard, that sort of thing. Really disturbing in retrospect. I actually got the call "my brothers boat didn't come back from bimini I don't know what to do" ... entirely made up.

Please try not to make this political, but I believe Hillary Clinton is one of the compulsive liars of which we're speaking. These aren't your normal political lies, but personal ones,

Chelsea was jogging around the Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. (She was in bed watching it on TV.)

Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. (She admitted she was wrong. He climbed Mt. Everest five years after her birth.)

She was under sniper fire in Bosnia.

There was another one; at a white house function there were some delicious cookies being served, and she told people that she had made them.

I mean, WTF?

These are the exact type of nonsensical lies that habitual liars tell; there is no reason for it.